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Post by sunjumper on Nov 24, 2023 2:29:04 GMT
wunty you are on fire! Will have a look at your new chapter tomorrow. Today despite utter brain death I finally got to write a significant new block. I won't be sleeping long today... ;_; Training with Walter continues. There are a few things here that I'm not happy with, the 'Animus' part is to vestigial and short. There were a few things I wanted to weave into the story to show that Walter was one of Nat's main teachers. But I didn't have the time. And its better to move the story along this is all something that can be tweaked during the editing pass.
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Post by wunty on Nov 24, 2023 9:20:53 GMT
sunjumper Ah nice one! I'll read it later!! I actually had an epiphany walking in to work this morning. My final scene. It's in my head. It's concrete. I have an ending. Just need to get there now. Think I'm nearly at my last cycle and I'm about to take the brakes off so it'll either become clearer / better or just a great big fucking mess. I suspect the latter. One way to find out though!
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 24, 2023 10:22:36 GMT
sunjumper Ah nice one! I'll read it later!! I actually had an epiphany walking in to work this morning. My final scene. It's in my head. It's concrete. I have an ending. Just need to get there now. Think I'm nearly at my last cycle and I'm about to take the brakes off so it'll either become clearer / better or just a great big fucking mess. I suspect the latter. One way to find out though! Oh, having the actual ending point coalesce is a magic moment. That is very, very cool and should help you get the strands you've woven so far together. Looking forward to it. I'm having a bit of down time so it’s the perfect moment to have a look at: Part II - Cycle IV - Scene VII “ Adam had read a couple of Tom’s early thrillers and couldn’t have been less thrilled with them.” This one made me laugh, simple but effective burn. “ For all intent and purposes, Trent was missing, and had in fact been legally declared dead. Yet as far as Adam could remember there had been no discovery of a body.” Look at that, the same like that other artist, the one from the mysterious piece of newspaper. “So now, here he sat, unrolling the last great thing he had worked on. Ironically, another illustration. Another children’s illustration. “ Sigh… Adam is such a knobhead. He is utterly hung up on superficialities getting hung up over them, while at the same time constantly missing the point of the things that are right in front of him. Come to think of it the bit with Violet and her gift are a perfect metaphor for that. He gets annoyed when she wakes him. OK, understandable. Fair enough. But when he is awake, he remains annoyed because his own shit is more important than anyone else’s. The interesting bit comes with the glitter. It always pisses him off. The sparkly obvious shit that is the closest to the surface. Everything else that is behind and blow that either escapes him or takes him tons of work and effort to even notice. “ Because of two words on a card that he wasn’t even sure she had written, or his daughter had written, or anyone had written… FINISH IT.“ This bit is perfect. It reminds the reader of the card, what it said and what the ambiguity there was, while at the same time reinforcing the story and tension of the scene. Very, very good work. We get the origin of Daphne. Not what I expected. I am intrigued. “The alcohol had numbed him, blinded him. It had been a crutch yet it hadn’t helped him walk […]” This one is also great. “He had paid his dues, with flesh and blood. “ Maybe, but you certainly haven’t learned your lesson mate… “Ivy placed one hand on the railing, one foot upon the first riser, and began to ascend.” This is such a good ending for the chapter and it works really, really well because of all the work you have put into the story beforehand.
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Post by wunty on Nov 24, 2023 12:15:03 GMT
sunjumper It could be the origin of Daphne but it may not be that straightforward Thank you for more feedback!
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Post by wunty on Nov 24, 2023 20:33:01 GMT
wunty you are on fire! Will have a look at your new chapter tomorrow. Today despite utter brain death I finally got to write a significant new block. I won't be sleeping long today... ;_; Training with Walter continues. There are a few things here that I'm not happy with, the 'Animus' part is to vestigial and short. There were a few things I wanted to weave into the story to show that Walter was one of Nat's main teachers. But I didn't have the time. And its better to move the story along this is all something that can be tweaked during the editing pass. "instead of the LEDs it was now the sun, high in the sky that was shining down on them warming up the greenhouse and somewhere she heard the hum of electrical converters." I love that we've got this juxtaposition of a classical form of swordplay and characters and moments straight out of the renaissance yet I'm constantly reminded we are in the future, not the past. "Cara was now looking at Walter again, her mouth slightly agape, the potato took the opportunity to hide under a chunk of meat." I'm laughing at this almost sentient potato. “But first”, Walter said, “we need to talk about Animus. It is not superstition. Many just don’t seem to understand it. The Ramparts are important. They are the external force, the body, literally the ramparts. The Animus is what makes it work, makes it flow, the control beneath it. The things that lie under the surface. Your breath is real, your nervous system is real, there are real ways to access them. We are certainly going to work on that. Your Animus is weak and all over the place.” I like that there are two clear branches to all this, and it makes total sense. “Like Dumbledore?”, Walter laughed, his hand stroking his long imaginary beard. “Who?” “Kids these days…” Walter sighed. Ha. That tickled me. "Cara was furiously trying to relax..." I love that! I can actually empathise with that. One of the things I keep getting told to do when rowing is relax, as I grip the handles too tight, my body tenses up and my blades don't sit in the water properly, and I begin to unbalance the whole boat. I then attack that command with fervour and it's a massive contradiction. You can't relax if you literally attack the concept of relaxing. Yet that's what I do, and that's what Cara is doing. I feel like this is part of what she'll need to overcome. To learn how to really relax, and let it all flow. "“You really are Bumbledore!”, Cara said.“You really are Bumbledore!”, Cara said." Brilliant. "As the stars in the skies above started to come out one by one, so did the variations of Cara’s most basic move multiply. Cara was in heaven." That's a lovely end to another well written nicely paced piece. There's a lot of training going on here, and Walter is yet another teacher, but his training feels distinct, and you're therefore managing to keep his character distinct. He's got his own stuff to teach and Cara is going to really benefit from all this. It's all going really well. I'm curious where you intend to take it next.
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Post by wunty on Nov 24, 2023 20:35:20 GMT
A scene that I'm not sure I actually enjoyed writing but had to kind of put it down somewhere. There had to be a proper meeting at some point if I'm going to move towards what I have planned. Ended up that I wanted it to be a nice contradiction to the coffee shop meeting with his (ex)wife. So yeah, here it is: wfai-nano23.blogspot.com/2023/11/part-ii-cycle-iv-scene-viii.htmlIt also ends the same way as the previous scene on purpose. I think.
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Post by wunty on Nov 25, 2023 21:04:48 GMT
Plop: wfai-nano23.blogspot.com/2023/11/part-ii-cycle-iv-scene-ix-part-i.htmlMore, erm, of not very much happening. The second half of this scene has a bit more and I'll write it tomorrow. Then I think I'm just on to the last cycle where everything comes together. I think. Maybe. Dunno. The whole thing is a 74K just now and I actually hoped to finish this at 80K. I had done 30K before starting NaNo so that's how I figured that it would work well. It was going to be a short novel that I could hopefully do something with but I don't know if that will be the case. Guess I'll see if it can be made into something decent when I've finished. Either way I think it's going to be a bot over 80K. Either 85K or 90K. I still REALLY want to finish it by the end of Nov though so I am mentally putting aside tomorrow afternoon to blitz it and see if I can make a good chunk of progress towards the end. I really fancy editing an 80K ish novel. I can't edit the novel I finished earlier this year that I started for last years NaNo, because that's at 220K, and how the fuck do you edit that. I'm terrified. So I guess I'm hoping this one will be good enough to be worth editing. Ach. We'll see. I just like to write.
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 26, 2023 15:14:10 GMT
wuntyThanks again for the great feedback. It helps a lot keeping the flow of the story going and building on what works. It also gives me some ideas of how and where to go next. I'm also deeply impressed how your story is moving along you are one of the few people who somehow write faster than I can read. X-D I will eventually catch up to you again (in the next few days, I'd say) and am really looking forward to follow your story to its end, no matter how many words are still left for you to get there. I feel your pain when it comes to editing. I once tried an editing run here as a NaNo project where I took my Skyshell story (which I still love) and tried to straighten it out with help of all the knowledge I had gained in the time since I had written it. Turns out it was more of a complete rewrite than "just" editing. And I didn't get very far. Also I notice that my job eating my brain more or less kills my writing. I now need to find a job the pays four to six times as much as my current position takes no more than six months per year of my time... I hope to write another update today and will start giving more feedback tomorrow.
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Post by wunty on Nov 26, 2023 20:19:29 GMT
sunjumper I look forward to your next part! My aspirations for today didn't go to plan. Nothing special, I just couldn't be arsed! It was like drawing teeth when I eventually did, but I got the standard work sound down so I should be thankful for that at least, that the going is steady. I still hope to have a busy few nights and finish by Thursday but we'll see. So long as I keep plodding away I think I'm happy. No point in rushing it. Second part of this scene: wfai-nano23.blogspot.com/2023/11/part-ii-cycle-iv-scene-ix-part-ii.html
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 27, 2023 2:52:19 GMT
This almost didn't happen but I got to write a bit more of chapter 4 which is now slowly coming to a close. There is a detail in here that you directly inspired Wunty, that really helps the narrative. No Idea who crazy work will be tomorrow but I will try to get some feedback done then. harrypalmerI hope you are still with us.
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 27, 2023 11:46:15 GMT
Today I probably won’t get to catch up completely but I should be able to read one chapter at least.
Part II - Cycle IV - Scene VIII
“Adam had objected, arguing that he had never felt the need to wine and dine a prospective client before and didn’t see any reason why he should start now. “ Sigh… again in context what we have seen so far, Adam is such a self-centred fucker…
The Ivy? Nice.
““This is different Adam,” she said, seemingly looking directly through him, her dark eyes pools of night in a mid-afternoon sun.” This is a great description.
“It wasn’t his problem. Nevertheless, he wasn’t a bloody child. He would hold on to the fucking thing. She smiled. “ And another bit that underlines how much of a condescending, pompous arse Adam is.
Having two bottles of wine in the afternoon before picking up your daughter? Classy…
I liked the chapter a lot. This Daphne is different to the one in the museum, driven by something that is pushing her, here she appears the most human, but there is that part I quoted above that reminds us of the otherworldly version of herself in the museum.
This is good contrast to the chapter with Amber. The constant surely is Adam being an egotistical fuck-nugget. It all fits together nicely. I also liked how “normal” this chapter was. It not only provides more grounding and understanding to what happened, adding to the puzzle but it is also a moment where the story gets to breathe a bit the reader can relax, so that you can build new tension, plunging the reader back into the unreal parts of the story were reality has shattered.
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Post by wunty on Nov 27, 2023 14:43:25 GMT
This almost didn't happen but I got to write a bit more of chapter 4 which is now slowly coming to a close. There is a detail in here that you directly inspired Wunty, that really helps the narrative. No Idea who crazy work will be tomorrow but I will try to get some feedback done then. harrypalmer I hope you are still with us. Awesome I'll read it this evening!
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Post by wunty on Nov 27, 2023 14:44:12 GMT
sunjumper The funny thing is that I actually really like writing the really mundane stuff normally. I struggled with that segment but don't think I was in the mood. I'm glad it read okay!
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Post by wunty on Nov 27, 2023 23:28:23 GMT
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NaNoWriMo
Nov 28, 2023 9:25:02 GMT
via mobile
Post by Nanocrystal on Nov 28, 2023 9:25:02 GMT
I didn't do Nanowrimo this year, but I did wake up at 5am this morning with an idea for a novel. And, unusually, a few hours later in the harsh light of day, it actually still seems like a decent idea! Quite excited about it in fact, have already been brainstorming and wrote 3 pages of notes while slacking off at work today. The world, main events and themes are coming very easily, just got to sort out the characters now. Even have a tentative title for it: Abraham's Rest.
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Post by wunty on Nov 28, 2023 9:36:25 GMT
Nanocrystal Fucking nice one. Get stuck in. I really should try things like, you know, making notes and having an idea for a plot as opposed to just saddling up my horse and writing into the sunset.
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NaNoWriMo
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Post by Nanocrystal on Nov 28, 2023 9:57:39 GMT
Well I just read the chapter you linked to above and it was brilliant. Great style! I'm actually a little intimidated. Haven't written any fiction since Nanowrimo... 2010 or 2011 I think.
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 28, 2023 10:10:05 GMT
Well I just read the chapter you linked to above and it was brilliant. Great style! I'm actually a little intimidated. Haven't written any fiction since Nanowrimo... 2010 or 2011 I think. Nanocrystal! Good to have you back mate! :-) If you have a story in mind come and share it here. I'm sure no one will complain if we use this thread a bit longer. Just see what you can bring to the page and share it. It's been a while since I read your stuff... was one of your stories set in space? I'm fighting the usual increasing resistance to keep on writing but like my story enough that I would like to keep going. So you would not be alone if you push beyond November. And even if you just write a few chapters or a short story, that's far more than having written nothing. Welcome back. :-)
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Post by wunty on Nov 28, 2023 10:10:58 GMT
Nanocrystal Don't be intimidated. It's always like that at the start. It stretches before you and you panic, thinking of the whole thing. Just get started! Sounds like you've got all you need to get going with. See where it takes you. Are you going to post any of it on here so we can read it? And thanks for the kind words! I'm literally just winging it, trying to find my way down to the ending that I know is waiting somehwere.
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Post by wunty on Nov 28, 2023 10:12:05 GMT
sunjumper I know that resistance well. You have a blinder of a story taking shape though so tell that resistance to sod off!
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Post by Nanocrystal on Nov 28, 2023 10:13:42 GMT
I am definitely gonna follow through with this idea, but don't want to rush it. Want to have a crack at properly planning it out this time (beginning, middle and end, and all that). Will share some draft chapters here at some point for sure.
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Post by wunty on Nov 28, 2023 21:20:24 GMT
Nanocrystal Totally do what works for you man. Hope you share something when you're ready. Can't wait to read it.
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Post by wunty on Nov 28, 2023 21:23:05 GMT
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Post by wunty on Nov 28, 2023 21:50:44 GMT
This almost didn't happen but I got to write a bit more of chapter 4 which is now slowly coming to a close. There is a detail in here that you directly inspired Wunty, that really helps the narrative. No Idea who crazy work will be tomorrow but I will try to get some feedback done then. harrypalmer I hope you are still with us. "“You don’t look happy”, Cara said, the heat crawling up her cheeks again. “If I moved wrong you should have just told me. It’s OK. I have no talent, I know that. So you can just tell me and I will do my best to improve.” Now her head also sank a bit, “even if it takes me a long time.” She raised her head again, looking Walter straight in the eyes. “But I’ll get there eventually.”" Poor Cara, plagued with self doubt despite everything. Yet loving this determination. Ah good. What Walter says next is totally the best thing for her to hear. Hoping this sinks in to bolster her self-belief. "“I can’t accept this”, Cara said. Marvelling at the device in front of her, it had obviously been hacked and heavily modified. It had been broken open, the large display detachable so that it was easy to hold while most of the internals had been put in a bulky base station holding a large battery and a fold out solar foil. It was covered in leather, the corners were reinforced with leather too, with a large front cover to protect the sensitive skin. As she opened it, she discovered a simple screen inside the cover, as well as a fold out mechanical keyboard." I thought at first he'd given her something like a kindle. This is no mere kindle! I want one. “It’s dangerous out there. We live in one of the church’s pet-projects and the city is well protected. But as you travel you will travel through places that aren’t or which will see you as a threat or even worse, as prey.” Oooh are you planning on giving our protagonists a reason to go there? Is that where the competition is? Outside the city? Plenty of opportunity for Cara and Nat to get into scrapes... "You will need to grow, learn and adapt as you go, often under worst circumstances possible." I just know that there's going to be adventure ahead! Another solidly good chapter. I love all this training stuff with sprinklings of world building and foreshadowing, whilst you're still developing Cara as a character as well. Keep going.
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 29, 2023 0:24:09 GMT
Mini-update. Work kills brain. Waiting for brain to regrow. Then more story. wuntyGreat feedback as always, it really helps me with the story, keeping up the writing and getting a more realistic feeling for what is working. So far pretty much everything I write feel like I am somehow losing momentum or I'm starting to get repetitive and boring. But seeing that it can't be that bad really helps with not self undermining my motivation. Your comment about the tech details led to the e-reader and will lead to s slight retcon in the last chapter. Walter was supposed to give Cara just the book on the deeper concept of Animus, as it made no sense to try to cram all of that into a few hours of training. Remembering how you liked seeing little things reminding the reader that this is actually the future and not the past I mad it an e-reader kind of thing but one that has been over the years been carefully refurbished and upcycled. And to tell you the truth I want one too. The day with Walter is almost over. Next will be maybe some more trouble as it is high time for a bit more action and a bit of plot followed by a little boat trip and maybe pirates? Tomorrow I will have a bit more time I will read more of your story (I want to know what happens in that mega scene you wrote in two parts) and continue Cara's adventures. @nanocristal If you want you can already share your idea and or general plans for the story here. (I may just say that out of pure and utter greed)
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Post by wunty on Nov 29, 2023 9:08:41 GMT
sunjumper I honestly wouldn't worry about losing momentum at this stage for many reasons, but to name a few: 1) You can always spread these training segments up in your edit. Even having them as flashbacks during a later part of the narrative 2) I don't even think you need to worry about that as, as I said before, you're dropping enough else in there to give us a good understanding of the characers, the world, and hinting where the story might go 3) It's great As you know yourself, the key at this stage is just to write. Don't worry and demotivate yourself at this point worrying about structure and momentum. Anything you feel you've missed, just scribble a note somewhere for your next pass, but keep going! You've got this. Work is a muse killer, no doubt, just remind it who's in charge.
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Post by wunty on Nov 29, 2023 19:57:26 GMT
No more updates from me until I've finished because, well, I've just started writing the last scene. I'm now going to be working backwards through the end of the book to where I got up to and meet it there. Why? I have no idea. Absolutely none. Other than the fact that it's what my brain wants.
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 29, 2023 21:57:33 GMT
If it's what your brain wants, it's what your brain wants.
I am still trying to find the fabled resource that is called time. I wrote a bit more today, I hope to get a bit more done and do another update. At least I now got a scene and point out of the way that has been nagging me for a while now. There is an info dump that is kinda important because it is connected to the personality of both Walter and Natalie but makes me squirm because it's exposition heavy.
At least your evil plan helps me with catching up with my reading. (You probably won't be posting your reverse chapters, right?)
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Post by wunty on Nov 29, 2023 22:08:22 GMT
Done. As in, done the NaNo. Maybe because I was jazzed for the last scene, but I ended up just firing words out left right and centre. Just did 3K in one sitting and did the whole end of the book. Obviously the quality will be questionable but it's all there. A 3000 word explanation for the whole fucking thing. Which is either a good or bad thing. Still, doesn't have to stay in! Saying that. It's one possible explanation, but I plan on putting enough other wee bits in there to make it questionable. sunjumper I will post it but think I'll post it in order. I should be done by Sunday. Now I've got the end it's literally just a case of doing about three scenes between there and there and I think that's it. Then I suppose I need to see if there's an actual, erm, story there. Glad you wrote a bit more. I'm eagerly awaiting the next bit, info dump or no info dump!
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Post by sunjumper on Nov 29, 2023 22:53:46 GMT
3k in one?! Who are you the brave little tailor?
Congratulations! Also to the 50k.
It's probably a good idea not to post it first. Because now this is your beacon, you write towards it but depending of how the rest of the story pans out you might want to change some bits and pieces and it's easier to do when you haven't committed anything publicly yet.
Looking forward to it. I will try, no I definitely will post an update later today. Even if it is a short one. An update is an update.
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