mrpon
Junior Member
Posts: 3,729
|
Post by mrpon on Sept 11, 2023 16:00:03 GMT
rawshart
|
|
Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,391
Member is Online
|
Post by Vortex on Sept 11, 2023 16:01:00 GMT
 Ouch, but a great shout! |
|
rawshark
Full Member
Posts: 5,172
Member is Online
|
Post by rawshark on Sept 12, 2023 6:54:18 GMT
Today the act of selfishly trying to eat a banana sent my guts into bezerk mode. But was at least able to keep it in the porcelain. It’s quite disheartening hearing the same glass of water you just drank to keep yourself hydrated just pour out your arse, completely wasted.
|
|
|
|
Post by dfunked on Sept 14, 2023 11:09:16 GMT
I managed to completely fill the bowl with two brown trouts, but amazingly they flushed first go without needing to be broken into pieces.
I only wiped a second time to make sure after the first sheet came up clean. Not a skidmark in sight on the bowl and surprisingly not at all smelly either.
That was a god tier poo.
*chef's kiss*
|
|
patrick
New Member
Ugly bag of mostly water
Posts: 757 
|
Post by patrick on Sept 18, 2023 9:52:02 GMT
Every single Monday morning since i've been out of work my bowels are desperate to evacuate about 10 minutes before my DWP telephone appointment, every single time. I thought talking about how difficult it is to find a job on the telephone was bad but it's much worse when you're crowning for most of the call.
|
|
|
|
Post by simple on Oct 18, 2023 0:21:10 GMT
Gambled on having a big energy drink at lunch time and now paying for it heavily. When the doctor said avoid lots of caffeine she really meant it. My pre-meal gut meds have been completely sidelined.
Was glad my bad bot turned out not to be the worst outcome after all the testing but nights like this are very long.
|
|
Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,481
|
Post by Lizard on Oct 18, 2023 1:26:37 GMT
Close call today at work. Having a lovely wee, powerful stream, decided to have a little fart. Could immediately tell it was a little dicey so had to break my flow and sit the fuck down. Bit of extra wiping and all was good.
|
|
|
|
Post by dfunked on Oct 18, 2023 12:21:18 GMT
Did a monster in a Sainsbury's public loo the other day, which I was almost proud enough of to reach for my camera.
It came out as three equal length perfectly formed bum sausages, which all neatly lined up next to each other due to the wider pan of the toilet (it would've made an ungodly mound in my home toilet)
Sadly didn't take a pic, so the below illustration will have to do.
(|||)
|
|
|
|
Post by simple on Oct 18, 2023 14:36:42 GMT
Those both sound extremely satisfying
|
|
rawshark
Full Member
Posts: 5,172
Member is Online
|
Post by rawshark on Oct 21, 2023 7:25:34 GMT
Naga chilli curry yesterday. One of those ones you can feel travelling down every inch of your digestive tract. I’m not sure if it actually went through my body normally or just melted through it like xenomorph blood, but either way it’s burning its way out of me now.
|
|
|
|
Post by smoothpete on Oct 21, 2023 7:54:55 GMT
Similar scenes here. Last night’s garlic chilli chicken masala is making brisk progress through me
|
|
mcmonkeyplc
Junior Member
General Martok Qapla!
Posts: 3,080
|
Post by mcmonkeyplc on Oct 21, 2023 7:57:48 GMT
Hangover shits this morning. Lovely.
|
|
|
|
Post by barchetta on Oct 21, 2023 8:39:40 GMT
After a week of the worst head cold in living memory and indirect digesting of an overdose of my own snot, my recent movements are slipping out and away with barely a effort. The coughing isn't helping either.
Mucus sheath?
Actually, would be a great name for a band.
|
|
Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,391
Member is Online
|
Post by Vortex on Oct 26, 2023 14:14:44 GMT
Just unleashed a monster turd.
Apologies to the harbour authorities if that gets into the water system due to the rain. It is not a small canoe.
|
|
Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
|
Post by Blue_Mike on Nov 5, 2023 1:54:49 GMT
I blame myself for my current state.
Been ill this week, haven't had the energy to get up and cook for myself so this afternoon's meal was reheated two day old greasy chinese leftovers.
Chicken shouldn't come out of the microwave smelling like dubious catfood.
I ate it anyway.
My guts were not grateful.
It's been like opening an upside down umbrella.
|
|
patrick
New Member
Ugly bag of mostly water
Posts: 757
|
Post by patrick on Nov 7, 2023 12:54:57 GMT
Just had to give my outside drains a rodding and saw some (literal)shit that would make a small child cry.
|
|
|
|
Post by freddiemercurystwin on Nov 7, 2023 13:07:09 GMT
On my facebook feed I seem to regularly get drain clearing videos popping up, it's surprisingly satisfying to watch a drain being cleared, thank goodness smellavision's not been invented yet.
|
|
Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,481
|
Post by Lizard on Nov 15, 2023 1:45:26 GMT
I'm generating more gas than Shell. At work and my gut noises would be audible were it not for the builders on the floor below. Had to go to the toilet three times in as many hours for exhaust purposes.
No idea why, only had a muffin, coffee, chicken sandwich and some crisps.
|
|
Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
|
Post by Blue_Mike on Nov 16, 2023 21:27:53 GMT
I've got a sudden urge to play Black Flag again, after I just farted what I can only describe as some kind of sea shanty.
|
|
cubby
Full Member
doesn't get subtext
Posts: 6,355
|
Post by cubby on Nov 19, 2023 17:02:22 GMT
I'm currently trying to squeeze out what feels like a literal Colin the caterpillar. Jesus it just won't budge.
|
|
Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
|
Post by Blue_Mike on Dec 12, 2023 14:41:30 GMT
My kidneys feel like they're doing the knife-fight dance from the video for "Beat It", and my shit has apparently turned into some kind of hot jelly like substance.
I don't like it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Danno on Dec 26, 2023 18:56:21 GMT
Oh man that Christmas dinner poo is liberating. I feel like a ballerina.
|
|
Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
|
Post by Blue_Mike on Feb 27, 2024 0:31:08 GMT
Cause: Unknown
Suddenness Of Need: From zero to "Oh God No" in seconds
Sprint From One End Of House To Bathroom: Like a fucking greyhound
Time From Release To Close: Near lightspeed Consistency: Inconsistent Colour: Varied Odour: Kaleidoscopic Life Force That Left Body With It: At least three years of energy
|
|
|
|
Post by art_of_pingu on Feb 27, 2024 5:02:53 GMT
Now that is a proper poo data log
|
|
mrpon
Junior Member
Posts: 3,729
|
Post by mrpon on Feb 27, 2024 8:55:38 GMT
Needs the Bristol Stool rating.
|
|
Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,391
Member is Online
|
Post by Vortex on Feb 27, 2024 9:17:17 GMT
Needs the Bristol Stool rating. 0 Edit: sorry I had this chart the wrong way round. 1 is pellets & 7 is liquid, so maybe reads like an 8? |
|
ozthegweat
New Member
Releasing indirect freedom
Posts: 873
|
Post by ozthegweat on Feb 27, 2024 19:33:13 GMT
Needs the Bristol Stool rating. 0 Edit: sorry I had this chart the wrong way round. 1 is pellets & 7 is liquid, so maybe reads like an 8? Bristol Stool Rating: no. |
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on Feb 27, 2024 19:55:06 GMT
I had one the size of a baby's arm yesterday. One wiper yesterday. Probably the best shit I've had in about 10 years, was glorious.
|
|
Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
|
Post by Blue_Mike on Apr 30, 2024 21:18:35 GMT
Sent off a sample for analysis after visiting the GP the other day, in order to find out why every third shit I was having resulted in the toilet bowl looking like someone had thrown a water-bomb filled with blood into the bowl.
Given that I had a painful kind of internal swelling in my abdomen, I convinced myself I might have had some kind of obstruction. Doctor stressed that he wasn't too worried and given my lack of family history in this area and that I was otherwise symptomless, it was probably just an internal pile.
Not had the test results back yet, and I thought maybe I was on the mend already, seeing as I had six normal shits in a row over the last few days and that painful swelling had gone away.
Seventh time was apparently the charm.
Feel like my next fart is going to be a literal red mist.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jambowayoh on Apr 30, 2024 22:37:14 GMT
Oh fuck. Best of luck man.
|
|
