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Post by brokenkey on Oct 14, 2024 21:43:53 GMT
rawshark you MUST tell them this: "Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident." I've said it before but I was genuinely shocked when the doctor told me that those thoughts are not normal. They need to know you've felt that way, even if you don't now. how can it not be normal when we've all thought it? |
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 14, 2024 21:56:10 GMT
Maybe ‘healthy’ works better.
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Post by Danno on Oct 15, 2024 2:06:18 GMT
rawshark you MUST tell them this: "Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident." I've said it before but I was genuinely shocked when the doctor told me that those thoughts are not normal. They need to know you've felt that way, even if you don't now. how can it not be normal when we've all thought it? Apparently we haven't. |
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ekz
New Member
O_o
Posts: 695
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Post by ekz on Oct 15, 2024 4:07:36 GMT
Re: Danno's 'apparently we haven't'.
I think it's also important to remember that 'birds of a feather, flock together'.
I think you'll find, specifically in this thread, that there are a huge array of similarities (specifically re: mental health) that are commonalities between us all irregardless of age, location, wealth, etc. And those commonalities aren't even shared throughout the forum as a whole and the forum is a fucking miniscule collection of sexy people. We might feel and think these ways, and sometimes others do too, especially the ones we bond with, but I can assure you it's not 'everyone'. We're definitely the (hilarious, more handsome and #relateable) minority.
It needs to be said to them, as El Danno said.
Hope everyone is doing okay/better/can see a path toward it being better.
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Post by drhcnip on Oct 20, 2024 1:36:50 GMT
Six months of trying to complete a house move when the buyers solicitors are incompetent has finally finished me off again this weekend. I was struggling anyway but was hoping to get through this and start to recuperate and rebuild a bit. Just haven’t got anything left in the tank to get me through. Daughter’s partner has had to take over the reins.
I’d been doing ok since the last big round of trauma therapy but recognised I was falling apart under the pressure of the whole house process but hoped any ptsd/psychosis triggers kicking off were down to that, that I could cope with until I saw the process through.
Fat fucking chance…if I get through this without a heart attack or back under the mental hospital, I’ll be bloody lucky.
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 20, 2024 9:32:20 GMT
Sorry to hear this. There is little in life as stressful as moving. It sounds like you are able to lean on your daughter’s other half so take that, thank them later and go the quacks sir. No other real advice but it sounds like some form of detachment from the situation is required.
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Post by drhcnip on Oct 20, 2024 9:44:59 GMT
Aye, having to step back completely and trust him. Thank fuck he’s there to take it.
Little the docs can do, unfortunately. Luckily I’m not working as had to take ill health retirement. Medded up to the hilt already on a cocktail of various antidepressants and antipsychotics but most of that’s under control of the psychiatrist.
If all the physical symptoms persist, though, I’ll be down there…🤣
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 21, 2024 16:51:59 GMT
Edit - do you know what, absolute oversharing that probably doesn’t make me look great.
Reduced version - had all the best intentions of taking a week off for my birthday, and getting job apps done, circumstances and people fucked it up meaning my positive intentions from a few posts back were fucked, felt shit again, have done a job app and feel a bit better for it.
Takeaway instead of just ranting - life will try to get in the way of your process and kick you when you are down, this must be recognised as part of the process and it’s hard, proactive work to get back on the horse.
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 21, 2024 16:54:19 GMT
By the way, after all that piddly little bullshit, if you’re reading Danno, hope you’re OK brother.
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Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Oct 25, 2024 3:09:10 GMT
I don't have even half the worries that other people have, so I have no right to feel the way I do.
But I'm just so very, very tired of it all.
The noise, the idiocy, the constant grind, the lack of confidence in my own abilities, the feeling like I always have to be on my guard, of how pathetic it is that I can't get over a woman I was with for only six weeks nearly a decade ago, and how not one aspect of my life has progressed in any meaningful way since then.
My job is a hell hole that I dread facing every day, and lately I don't really feel like I enjoy any of my hobbies either.
I'm nearly 40 years old, I still can't drive, and when Covid happened I had to move back in with my parents and now I'm still bloody here because I can't afford to live on my own the way I want to, and there is nobody I know who I could stand, or could stand me to share with.
I don't think I feel suicidal, because I've been there before. This, right now, is just... treading water in the dark, rather than sinking?
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 25, 2024 6:55:32 GMT
The very worst thing for me is those times you can’t enjoy your hobbies etc. anhedonia they call it, the inability to take pleasure in things.
I don’t know what to suggest for any of it really. Maybe a spell on some pills might do you good though so if this has been a thing I’d consider seeing the docs. God knows I always avoided it but the one time I really needed it (and it was anxiety/panic attacks rather than depression) going on medication, although it had its side effects really did help to level me out emotionally enough to practice the thought techniques and breathing exercises I couldn’t do when I was constantly feeling I’d pass out. Ultimately it was the psychology stuff that worked but without medicinal help I felt unable to practice them.
Driving might do more for a feeling of independence than living without parents but it’s a money pit and something I just find incredibly stressful. You might not be missing out on that much. To this day I won’t do the motorway without a gun to my head and an experienced navigator by my side.
I don’t think it’s as much a stigma to live with folks as it once was. Other cultures we share our space with it’s a norm. The world isn’t designed for single people costs wise. In terms of potential dating which was always the fear for me, anybody that would judge would not be worth your time, and the way to look at it would be that you have huge potential to financially commit to an existing setup when the time is right. I know I basically became a human cuckoo!
Maybe you do need to speak to somebody about that ex. I’ve been damaged for long periods by those things. They just become a footnote eventually, but that takes moving on in some form and therapy is hard to come by.
Job, maybe look to other industries you can transfer skills to. If you are living ‘at home’ there’s never a better time to take that sort of risk. Customer service/retail is your game isn’t it? I’d maybe look at local authority/social housing type jobs which are places where a foot in the door can lead to other things.
I think you are one of the better writers on this forum Mike. Your rants frequently make me actually genuinely laugh. Sorry you are having a rough time, and sorry I’ve done the typical male mansplaining thing of trying to look for fixes.
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Post by drhickman1983 on Oct 25, 2024 7:42:55 GMT
Are you me, Mike?
There are differences but a lot of that resonates, particularly the lack of confidence.
I don't live with my parents but I've considered it, and in all honesty that may have been better then the housesharing and lodging I've been doing for, well, half my life now. Can't really say anywhere "feels" like "home."
...
Anyway I've got no advice but, well, I hear ya.
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wunty
Full Member
Pastry Forward
Posts: 6,672
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Post by wunty on Oct 25, 2024 9:08:28 GMT
I don't have even half the worries that other people have, so I have no right to feel the way I do. Bollocks, you have every right to feel the way you do. Don't feel diminished by comparing what you are going through with what you perceive others are going through. We all have our struggles and they are all both relevant and relative to us. I hear what you're saying, and you're approaching a very specific milestone that will absolutely make you question all your shit. I'm past that milestone, as I've said before, and I'm not really the same person that I was prior to it. I'm still processing a lot of shit internally and you will too. But it's completely valid, so don't invalidate it by saying to anyone that it's diminished in comparison. It's not. Just remember that most of all. This is what we do and why we struggle to cope. We refuse to acknowledge what we're feeling because we feel it doesn't have sufficient weight, and that's dangerous. First thing to do is recognise how you feel.
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Post by zisssou on Oct 25, 2024 9:24:57 GMT
I moved back in with my parents at age 31. There was plenty of times I thought there is no way out of this, but I sat down and wrote everything down I could do, or could change. I know my mum was worried for my future and we had conversations about trying to get me kick started, but you want to desire to do it. I just did one little positive step at a time.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Oct 25, 2024 10:04:08 GMT
Yeah I've had to do it a few times. First when I got back from working in Vietnam and then as I was about to move out I was diagnosed with cancer and then now as I've moved back to the UK trying to make it work after 6 years away and yeah there are good days and there are some fucking dark days. I will say realising that I have people to share the mental load with does help but ultimately I learned that I had to be the central person creating the driving force to want to change me circumstances and I won't lie it's been a really bumpy road especially when you are aware of what you can and can't control. Best of luck to you Mike, genuinely.
One more thing, be kind to yourself.
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Post by drhcnip on Oct 25, 2024 10:30:05 GMT
I don't have even half the worries that other people have, so I have no right to feel the way I do. Bollocks, you have every right to feel the way you do. Don't feel diminished by comparing what you are going through with what you perceive others are going through. We all have our struggles and they are all both relevant and relative to us. I hear what you're saying, and you're approaching a very specific milestone that will absolutely make you question all your shit. I'm past that milestone, as I've said before, and I'm not really the same person that I was prior to it. I'm still processing a lot of shit internally and you will too. But it's completely valid, so don't invalidate it by saying to anyone that it's diminished in comparison. It's not. Just remember that most of all. This is what we do and why we struggle to cope. We refuse to acknowledge what we're feeling because we feel it doesn't have sufficient weight, and that's dangerous. First thing to do is recognise how you feel.
That’s a great post, pal |
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Garfy
New Member
Posts: 385
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Post by Garfy on Oct 25, 2024 10:31:35 GMT
Oh man my 30s and 40s were so different it's like they happened to 2 different people.
30s, no job, no life, gradually losing interest in games both tabletop and video, back living with parents.
40s, good job, multiple relationships*, a renewed interest in games.
You never know when your life is going to throw you an unexpected twist or 3
(* Both ended but I'm trying to be positive here )
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addyb
New Member
Posts: 574
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Post by addyb on Oct 25, 2024 11:41:23 GMT
Hope you guys are ok. I don't frequent this site as much as the others, so I felt somewhat of an imposter posting my woes a while back, but as ever got great support and it really is a brotherhood in here. I can wholeheartedly recommend Andy's Man club for those that need an outlet, you can go in-person or online (I do the latter) and I've attended for a few months now.
If anyone needs more info on it, just ping me a message, or if you just want a chat in general. I'm still very much up and down, but if I keep my mind busy I'm ok.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Oct 25, 2024 12:04:40 GMT
Hope you're doing ok, Addy.
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addyb
New Member
Posts: 574
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Post by addyb on Oct 25, 2024 12:21:29 GMT
Hope you're doing ok, Addy. Not too bad. I'm going back to work on a phased return a week on Monday, so hopefully that will help getting back to some normality, as much as my life can be normal. One other positive step is the girls have new carers and went out with them for the first time earlier this week and it seemed to be a success, so fingers crossed on that one. |
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Post by Jambowayoh on Oct 25, 2024 12:31:09 GMT
Great news.
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Post by quadfather on Oct 25, 2024 13:16:07 GMT
Yeah that's good news addyb, hope it goes well |
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Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Oct 26, 2024 15:23:50 GMT
Thankyou all for the supportive comments. Means a lot.
Less than two hours after I made that 4am post, I woke up in a fit of some kind of sudden onset illness. Throat and inner ears swollen and throbbing with pain, burning fever, turning my head even slightly felt like I was sliding all over the deck of a ship in rough seas, and I spent most of the rest of the day feeling like there was a weighted blanket between my skull and my brain, pressing down on my optic nerves.
So I took the day off from everything, just dosed myself up with whatever medicine I had, and tried to sleep it all off, hoping I'd feel better mentally as well as physically by the time I came out the other end of it.
It has... partially succeeded. Still got a headache, and there is still a melancholy over me, but less than there was the other night.
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Post by Zomoniac on Nov 20, 2024 11:54:23 GMT
Hello, please allow me to vent into the void.
I’ve been greatly struggling in recent months. A bunch of bad injuries have kept me from exercising and left me in a lot of pain, which I’ve been numbing via the media of saturated fats and alcohol. I’ve also been feeling generally worthless and suffering a bit of an existential crisis.
Then, in the last 20 hours, one of my worst fears was realised, and my IBS caught up with me before I could catch up with a toilet and I had to do a shit in the woods on a dog walk, my granny (who turns 97 next week and I was sure would outlive me, and is the only member of my family I actually care about) declared that she was basically done and doesn’t expect to see the new year, and I got informed there’s a high likelihood of being made redundant from my job of over two decades.
Not really sure what I did to deserve this. My instincts are telling me to order a Pizza Hut and fall into a bottle of whisky. What little bit is left of my rational brain says that’s a terrible idea and will definitely make everything worse but has accepted that’s what’s going to happen anyway.
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askew
Full Member
Posts: 6,791
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Post by askew on Nov 20, 2024 12:12:24 GMT
I’m sorry to read that Zom. At the very least, don’t be ashamed of shitting in the woods: you aren’t alone 🫣
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Post by Dougs on Nov 20, 2024 12:32:40 GMT
That probably is a terrible idea, but an understandable one. No real advice other than to say not to keep.it bottled up, especially from your wife/partner. Talk to people and if you need to, go to the doctors.
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Post by harrypalmer on Nov 20, 2024 12:43:33 GMT
The pizza part is probably ok but not the whisky. Dont be ashamed, everyone has to shit in the woods sometimes and you've done nothing to deserve the bad stuff, obviously. Small changes, eat and drink a bit less, walk a bit more and do some stretches until you can exercise properly again!
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