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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 11, 2024 12:24:41 GMT
Good on you for writing that down drake. I always think the first thing to do is recognise how you're feeling and articulate that in some fashion. Writing it down is great, as it gets it all out your head where it festers and grows into a big horrific jumble and actually becomes something a bit more coherent and, dare I say it, manageable. All the best with the job stuff and keep writing stuff here if you need to. Cheers mate. I am also cross posting here because the site crashed when I tried to reply but I really liked your song. Was like something in the vein of Death by Stereo covering The Exploited! The middle/breakdown part was sick. |
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Oct 11, 2024 12:25:28 GMT
Ha, thanks man! It's a bit rough but it was fun to do.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Oct 11, 2024 18:03:00 GMT
If you mean well equipped to spin and lie about my experience maybe ha. I actually did get an application done in August which I thought was fucking great and not a sausage. It’s a brutal process. Anyway, time to clean up the house a bit. No I just meant I thought your post was well written. |
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 11, 2024 19:10:41 GMT
If you mean well equipped to spin and lie about my experience maybe ha. I actually did get an application done in August which I thought was fucking great and not a sausage. It’s a brutal process. Anyway, time to clean up the house a bit. No I just meant I thought your post was well written. I know thanks, just being self-deprecating. |
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Post by rawshark on Oct 13, 2024 21:40:17 GMT
I feel so fucking trapped at the moment. I’m unhappy in my job, in my relationship and as a father. I keep waiting for things to turn around and it just seems endless. I can’t leave anything because of the financial implications and can’t talk to family about it as it as my Dad isn’t doing great and it’s just another thing to pile on them. I haven’t been able to keep up with friends since the baby came along either so that’s another avenue closed. Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident.
Sometimes I feel like this forum is the closest thing to a friend I have these days, so sorry to put these dark thoughts on here. But I’ve got to get them off my chest somewhere.
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Post by Danno on Oct 13, 2024 21:56:55 GMT
I feel so fucking trapped at the moment. I’m unhappy in my job, in my relationship and as a father. I keep waiting for things to turn around and it just seems endless. I can’t leave anything because of the financial implications and can’t talk to family about it as it as my Dad isn’t doing great and it’s just another thing to pile on them. I haven’t been able to keep up with friends since the baby came along either so that’s another avenue closed. Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident. Sometimes I feel like this forum is the closest thing to a friend I have these days, so sorry to put these dark thoughts on here. But I’ve got to get them off my chest somewhere. Yeah yeah yeah woah woah woah put the fucking brakes on all that of Rawshark my dude. We are absolutely here for you,and there's The Samaritans (116 123) as well. Please speak to your GP as soon as you can tomorrow, and keep talking in here. If you need an actual face to put to one of these weirdos then I'm happy to meet up man. I'm not pretty but I am friendly. You'll make it but you need to find that support right quick. I'm here as a start, can DM me about anything |
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 13, 2024 22:11:42 GMT
rawsharkJob and parenting stuff, maybe through the specifics in relevant threads. Problem shared and all that. All anybody can do here is offer sympathy/empathy/perspective. If you aren’t being flippant please follow Danno’s advice as the highest priority. I have way more frequent interaction with people on here than any IRL friends - that’s something that isn’t abnormal for our age group either (assuming you are similar or older). Life gets in the way so thank Christ for FG I say, and I’m sure it’s the same for many. You’re not alone.
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Post by Danno on Oct 13, 2024 22:38:48 GMT
Talk to people, don't end up with a Friday night and Saturday like mine. It was very boring.  |
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Post by Nanocrystal on Oct 13, 2024 23:04:59 GMT
Danno Shit man, hope you are ok. Sending love.
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Post by drakeypoos on Oct 13, 2024 23:11:36 GMT
At least you followed your own advice Danno even if late. Going through the wars aren’t you. But you’re a trooper dude and never forget it. Glad you were bored because that means you were safe.
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 0:09:16 GMT
That cannula wound will bleed all day (honestly thought id bleed out for a moment with with how it just shot blood everywhere)
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 0:14:52 GMT
We're here for rawshark now. If you need anything at all man then let us know |
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Oct 14, 2024 8:30:56 GMT
Danno fuck sake man what's going on. Talk to me. PM me.
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Oct 14, 2024 8:45:41 GMT
I feel so fucking trapped at the moment. I’m unhappy in my job, in my relationship and as a father. I keep waiting for things to turn around and it just seems endless. I can’t leave anything because of the financial implications and can’t talk to family about it as it as my Dad isn’t doing great and it’s just another thing to pile on them. I haven’t been able to keep up with friends since the baby came along either so that’s another avenue closed. Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident. Sometimes I feel like this forum is the closest thing to a friend I have these days, so sorry to put these dark thoughts on here. But I’ve got to get them off my chest somewhere. That's not as bad as I know you're going to make it seem in your head. Remember that we are real people and just because you know us online, that doesn't invalidate the fact you are regularly communicating, talking shit, and having a laugh with other likeminded idiots. The world is a big cold place, who cares if none of us do the face to face thing. I know that trapped feeling all too well. Most days of the week I'm on the verge of a big fuck off panic attack and I'm hardly the best at keeping my shit together the rest of the time. I say that to remind you that you are not alone in feeling like this. Quite often it feels like we're just walking down a dark linear corridor and there's nothing ahead. You'll be surprised when you suddenly stumble upon a door off on one side that takes you away from that.
Your friends will still be there for you down the line if they are good friends, it's not unusual to drift apart for a time.
Also, this is all perfectly natural for the baby stage. It can feel really isolating, put extra strain on relationships (my wife and I didn't argue once before the boy came along - how quickly that changed!!), make you question yourself, your work, where you are in life, all that shit.
You'll suddenly have a moment of clarity and it will come from nowhere, and your brain will suddenly look at things differently. They do that. The big soggy lumps of grey just need a bit of time to defrag sometimes.
Meantime, type it out, and don't let it build up. If you DO start to get those kinds of thoughts, there are professionals to speak to, and I urge you to do it.
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 8:50:44 GMT
Danno fuck sake man what's going on. Talk to me. PM me. Talk soon, I need to get home and get some sleep right now |
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Oct 14, 2024 8:53:53 GMT
Good, get some rest chief.
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Post by rawshark on Oct 14, 2024 10:34:56 GMT
Thanks for listening guys - Danno hope you're ok mate. I hate putting it out here because I'm not a special case and everyone must go through it, but it's just miserable feeling like an afterthought the whole time. I spoke to my parents this weekend and was internally just begging them to realise how much I'm struggling - literally felt like I was screaming for help with my eyes. But I don't think anyone knows how bad it's actually gotten. Then the boy fell down the stairs (well, one stair, I was supervising him but he's getting pretty nippy these days. Climbed up one step, lost his balance and fell back and smacked his head on the floor). And I did exactly what my Dad used to do and got angry at him for hurting himself. Ended up yelling at him when I should have been yelling at myself. I'll make an appointment with my GP today. I'm not sure what help they can give (take painkillers, get sleep, stop drinking, have a nice six weeks of CBT, do you want to try some pills we can't guarantee won't actually make things worse...) but at least I can say I'm trying to be proactive about sorting it. |
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Post by Jambowayoh on Oct 14, 2024 10:40:32 GMT
No one is more special than anyone else. Everyone's personal issues are no more/less important than anyone else's. Share and vent, mate.
Only thing I will say for advice is if you don't share what you're going through it can make things much worse. There's no right or wrong time to be going through shit and the fact that you have the emotional intelligence to realise that you did something that could lead to impacting your relationship with your son is a good thing. So yeah talk to a doctor, try a therapist, speak to your loved ones. And yeah there's nothing wrong with also relying on this place, there's a lot of fucking great people on here.
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 10:41:59 GMT
Put it here mate, it's what this thread is for and I don't think I've ever seen anyone except me behave like an arsehole in here.
Glad you're speaking to the doc - do not hold back, tell them everything and don't stop.
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 10:47:10 GMT
rawshark you MUST tell them this: "Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident." I've said it before but I was genuinely shocked when the doctor told me that those thoughts are not normal. They need to know you've felt that way, even if you don't now.
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Oct 14, 2024 10:50:31 GMT
And even if you get referred like I did to an absolutely useless fuckwit, even speaking to them seems to help. Talking/articulating/typing/scribbling/whatever - I'll keep saying it, just keep doing it. There's no right response, and none of us are trained and can offer any advice that shold be taken in stone or followed verbatim (even the above advice I just posted so...err, yeah). However, what you will find if you choose to share here is understanding, empathy and a listening ear/face.
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Post by harrypalmer on Oct 14, 2024 11:05:01 GMT
Thanks for listening guys - Danno hope you're ok mate. I hate putting it out here because I'm not a special case and everyone must go through it, but it's just miserable feeling like an afterthought the whole time. I spoke to my parents this weekend and was internally just begging them to realise how much I'm struggling - literally felt like I was screaming for help with my eyes. But I don't think anyone knows how bad it's actually gotten. Then the boy fell down the stairs (well, one stair, I was supervising him but he's getting pretty nippy these days. Climbed up one step, lost his balance and fell back and smacked his head on the floor). And I did exactly what my Dad used to do and got angry at him for hurting himself. Ended up yelling at him when I should have been yelling at myself. I'll make an appointment with my GP today. I'm not sure what help they can give (take painkillers, get sleep, stop drinking, have a nice six weeks of CBT, do you want to try some pills we can't guarantee won't actually make things worse...) but at least I can say I'm trying to be proactive about sorting it. This is similar to what made me get help. I found myself doing exactly what my dad did, I'd get angry at my son for being in distress, I'd get distant instead of talking, I'd straight up walk out. It all added up to me feeling like absolute garbage. I had the realisation far too late for my liking, but addressing it and getting therapy has been the best thing I've ever done. The fact that you're aware of your situation is huge and you're right, just taking a step towards sorting it out will have a big impact. |
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 11:07:41 GMT
Can't like this enough 👆
A big, big part of me not having kids was not wanting to be my parents. You guys actively trying to break that is really heartening and makes you excellent dad material. I love it
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Post by Syrette on Oct 14, 2024 11:12:56 GMT
I have way more frequent interaction with people on here than any IRL friends - that’s something that isn’t abnormal for our age group either (assuming you are similar or older). Life gets in the way so thank Christ for FG I say, and I’m sure it’s the same for many. Agree with the sentiment; have friends, but none truly local to me at the moment and it's hard enough to see people due to general life things as it is. Plenty have a better social life, and I envy them, but I agree it's not at all abnormal for our age group, and it's no reflection on any of us. |
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Post by simple on Oct 14, 2024 11:14:32 GMT
I don’t think I can say things better than everyone else has but I would add that you’re absolutely not alone. While everyone is unique and we might never know each other intimately, I don’t think any of us could kid ourselves for very long by saying we’re only here because we like talking about game mechanics we hate and how mediocre we found the last MCU product.
In the spirit of which, I would recommend an audiobook/ebook called The Lonely Dad Conversations by a comedian called Chris Gethard. Its a series of conversations with dads (and one mam) about how their lives changed after having kids. Not in a Rob Beckett’s Parenting Hell way where they moan about their kids being messy or whatever but about how there’s almost an unspoken grieving process for your old life that goes totally under the radar but can be isolating when you don’t know nearly everyone else feels the same. Gethard’s son is only around a month in age different to mine, both 3 at the time of the book and 5 now. I found it extremely helpful having these feelings expressed by someone because I definitely felt if but I don’t think I really knew what I felt.
Its pretty short too and its a sympathetic thing with touches of humour rather than trying to bum you out so I don’t think it’d be a trigger to feel worse.
But ultimately, I think we’ve found ourselves an excellent void to scream into here and no one should feel less than welcome to open up.
I know I have about loneliness in the past, or when I had tests for the C-word after some bum trouble, or when I had an emotional nightmare at work. Every time someone here was here.
And you know what, if writing a 700 word post about on disc dlc helps then we’re here for that too.
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Post by Danno on Oct 14, 2024 11:16:21 GMT
I fucking love this place. God bless neilka (and the rest of youse)
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Post by Dougs on Oct 14, 2024 12:04:47 GMT
Definitely recognise a lot of those behaviours in parenting (although it was my mum I copy...) . I've tried to get better and it's an ongoing process. I still get grumpy and overreact, usually when time is of the essence and they're sat on phones/tv/not helping at all. Drives me absolutely insane.
And rawshark - as well as the GP, please speak to your partner. I'd wager she's going through not dissimilar stuff. Communication is everything in a relationship imo.
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Post by dangerousdave on Oct 14, 2024 12:41:11 GMT
I think the worst thing about depression is that on the one hand it’s so difficult to ask for help because you can’t judge how bad you’re actually feeling, whilst on the other hand you think you’re just being pathetic and it’s not that serious. Throw in the thought that nobody else will believe you or take you seriously enough either and before you know it, it’s the most smallest of things that trigger the emotions and outbursts. The irrational spiral from feeling just about ok to wanting to cry because you’re getting frustrated about doing something you can’t really motivate yourself to do. And it feels bloody terrible when you act out in front of a loved one because you look absolutely crazy.
There must have been something in the air this weekend because I had a breakdown on Sunday. I kept it together for most of the day, just chilling out at home with my partner, but after she’d gone to bed I just collapsed. I still don’t know where this depression comes from, which only makes it harder to accept, but I just cried in a dark room for about 3 hours about absolutely nothing.
Fortunately I’m not suicidal. I’ve been that way in the past, but they were fleeting moments throughout my life. I don’t fantasise about it or ponder it all that much, which is something, but it’s something I could imagine I would do spontaneously, in the moment.
I hope you guys are seeking the support you need. My partner has plenty of experience in this area, unfortunately for her, but will keep me in check and make sure I do the same. She has far more to be depressed about and she’s a fucking soldier about it. She has her moments, but I’ve seen first hand what having the right mental tools can accomplish. I need to start seeking that help too.
Much love, Danno and Rawshark. Don’t be giving up on us. This community is special!
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Post by puddleduck on Oct 14, 2024 16:05:17 GMT
If you broke your arm, you'd see a Dr. If it was in a cast, you'd not put anywhere near as much strain on your arm until it recovered.
Try to give your brain the same care and attention. Speaking to a professional is completely valid. You matter to those around you, and you can matter to yourself too 🫂
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Post by puddleduck on Oct 14, 2024 16:15:14 GMT
I feel so fucking trapped at the moment. I’m unhappy in my job, in my relationship and as a father. I keep waiting for things to turn around and it just seems endless. I can’t leave anything because of the financial implications and can’t talk to family about it as it as my Dad isn’t doing great and it’s just another thing to pile on them. I haven’t been able to keep up with friends since the baby came along either so that’s another avenue closed. Sometimes it feels the only way to stop the misery and suffering would be to call it a day and make it look like an accident. Sometimes I feel like this forum is the closest thing to a friend I have these days, so sorry to put these dark thoughts on here. But I’ve got to get them off my chest somewhere. I think it's quite common that when we feel very trapped, like we have no autonomy, that we create both an option and escape that is in our control. That can be self-harm, unhealthy coping techniques, or even suicidal thoughts. One of the toughest things is when people are struggling through something hard together, they all try to stay strong for each other. When actually, maybe the strongest thing we can do is talk to other people going through it. Or talk to a professional, as it's hard to not want to fix or solve it when you're close to someone. Why do you think the avenue to your friends is closed? Life happens, time passes. Nothing is stopping you from messaging a friend where it's been a while to say hi and catch up. Worst thing that can happen is they don't respond, and they stay out your life. I had a friend contact me after he dropped off the radar for a decade. We've since seen each other a few times and he even came out on a cricket tour with my club. |
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