|
Post by Dougs on Apr 15, 2023 9:54:28 GMT
Thanks all, as I said earlier, this place rocks.
|
|
|
Post by jeepers on Apr 15, 2023 10:00:24 GMT
I’m so sorry to hear that Dougs. All my best to you and your family.
|
|
dogbot
Full Member
Posts: 8,738
|
Post by dogbot on Apr 15, 2023 10:04:29 GMT
Sorry Dougs. All my sympathies and such.
|
|
mrpon
Junior Member
Posts: 3,014
|
Post by mrpon on Apr 15, 2023 10:28:05 GMT
So sorry Dougs, look after yourself.
|
|
|
Post by Fake_Blood on Apr 15, 2023 10:59:35 GMT
Sorry for your loss Dougs. Went through about the same thing with my dad, only he had all papers in order to end it for him when the time came, but we were told as it was a catholic hospital they didn’t do that over there. So it was a traumatising 3 days and nights, I’m still angry about it. My brother and my dads lady friend stayed the nights, I couldn’t handle it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2023 11:10:42 GMT
Very sorry for your loss. Hope you're getting plenty of support and look after yourself.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on Apr 26, 2023 9:05:07 GMT
Struggling a bit today. The last 2 weeks have been a bit up and down, I've been mostly dealing with death admin, which keeps coming. I've been drinking far too much too, which I know isn't good so have had a few days off, actually done some exercise and felt ok yesterday.
Then today there's just a weight over me, and a lack of motivation to do anything at all. I then worked out the issue...my dad died 12 years ago today and I think the combo is just making things much harder. Funeral not until 12 May (12 years to the day after my dad's, we liked the symmetry). It'll get easier after that, I know. Sorry, just needed to vent somewhere.
|
|
|
Post by minimatt on Apr 26, 2023 9:29:47 GMT
oh i'm so sorry dougs
|
|
|
Post by DJCopa on Apr 26, 2023 13:05:46 GMT
So sorry to read this - keep going, talk, type, whatever and look after yourself.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on Apr 26, 2023 15:02:14 GMT
Thanks chaps. Bit better this afternoon. My neighbour friend almost set me off again when she took my dog for a walk...had clocked that I wasn't quite myself, came back with a bottle of wine for me.
(Get a blog etc).
|
|
|
Post by RumMonkey on Apr 26, 2023 15:05:10 GMT
This is how they try and steal your dog as well as your cat, get you while you're vulnerable.
Sorry to hear you're struggling.
|
|
nexus6
Junior Member
Posts: 2,223
|
Post by nexus6 on Apr 26, 2023 20:09:56 GMT
Good on your neighbour. Don’t tan the wine just yet though mate. Take it easy for a couple days.
What are you gonna have in your blog?
|
|
|
Post by LegendaryApe on Apr 26, 2023 20:14:50 GMT
So sorry Dougs Take care of yourself
|
|
|
Post by A46Matt on May 5, 2023 17:53:37 GMT
My mum passed this week at the age of 63 after the third and final battle with cancer. She had a Stoma fitted a month ago so that she could see her days out at home, they hoped she would have a few months at least but sadly not the case. Fortunately the day she went to the hospice was also the day she went so there was little suffering.
The past month has been hard, hearing what she’s been doing to get everything sorted for when she’s not here. She was very matter of fact about it, much stronger than either myself or her husband.
I think in the end she had got everything sorted, she had seen everyone that she wanted to and was just ready to go.
She was adamant that I not see her in a hospice when the time came and she made damn sure of it with the timing with us currently being away. We had discussed cancelling the trip but she was doing so well since coming out of hospital that it didn’t seem like a risk. It didn’t change anything tho really as even if I had gone against her wishes I wouldn’t have made it to see her in time anyway had I been at home.
Ultimately we spent plenty of time together over the last month, and had plenty of laughs. Just need to take comfort in that and not regret things too much.
I’ve had a month of grieving really until now which may have softened the blow a little as I’ve been preparing for it. It still hurts and it’s really shit though with her being relatively young. Feelings that I’ve not really known how to process. I’m not a particularly emotional person and I think I just go into self preservation mode and not feel much at all until I’m ready to feel more of it a bit at a time.
Long wall of text but having read this thread from afar whilst going through this I thought I’d post. I found a strange feeling of not comfort but kind of vindication that what I’ve been feeling is ok and normal in these situations from here so hoping someone may find it too.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on May 5, 2023 18:11:13 GMT
So sorry for your loss Matt. Know exactly what you are going through. There's no right or wrong way to handle things, people grieve in different ways. My only advice (albeit as someone a few weeks further along) is to be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Take care, feel free to vent here whenever you want.
|
|
|
Post by A46Matt on May 5, 2023 18:19:11 GMT
Thanks Dougs. Sorry for your loss, hope that you and yours are doing ok. We’ve just gotta get through these moments as best we can.
|
|
nexus6
Junior Member
Posts: 2,223
|
Post by nexus6 on May 5, 2023 18:26:32 GMT
Sorry to hear Matt, but that’s a lovely write up actually in some ways. It sounded as ‘good’ as you could hope for? For her and you.
Take it easy, and I find not just in the immediate, but 6 months a year down the line don’t forget to take care of yourself as things can sneak up on you again.
|
|
wunty
Full Member
Pastry Forward
Posts: 5,083
|
Post by wunty on May 5, 2023 18:31:31 GMT
Sincerest condolences Matt, very sorry to read of your loss.
|
|
|
Post by freddiemercurystwin on May 5, 2023 18:43:52 GMT
Christ that's no fucking age, I'm sorry, it sounds like she was pretty steadfast in the way she organised stuff, how admirable.
|
|
|
Post by A46Matt on May 5, 2023 19:05:20 GMT
Thanks all.
She had been very organised. She had made the funeral arrangements, both the actual funeral where they lived and a remembrance for her friends where I still am. By all accounts there have been very detailed instructions left for what to do.
She had even sorted out getting rid of her possessions - clothes etc and had given my wife her jewellery of note.
It’s very surreal and I’m fully expecting three big hits in the coming weeks. When I next see her husband, the funeral and then next month on my birthday as I was born on her birthday.
As hard it has been knowing that she was going to pass soon I’m very grateful that I got to spend more time with her than I would have done if it had just happened without warning.
I feel sorry for her husband, he is a great man. Although he only came into my life since being an adult, we care about him a lot. He has children of his own who I hope are there for him ( I don’t know them really) I just need to find the right balance of being there for him without it being too much or little. I’m sure we’ll figure it out as time goes on.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on May 5, 2023 20:20:57 GMT
Ah man, that you shared a birthday is both amazing and will be challenging.
My Mum's funeral is next Friday. 12 years to the day of my dad's, which we liked. Death admin (or Sadmin as I've discovered the internet calls it, which is excellent) mostly done. Eulogy written (chaplain is delivering that), which was hard as. My niece and nephew have written a poem.and are going to read it. It's amazing and makes me smile and sob at the same time.
|
|
|
Post by A46Matt on May 5, 2023 21:10:37 GMT
There’s some beauty in the tragedy there with the same date for the funerals.
Sounds like things are sorted. I don’t really know how to address a funeral but I hope it goes well and that it can help deliver some closure.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on May 5, 2023 21:51:00 GMT
Yep, died 12 days apart, 12 years apart. Thanks dude. Same to you and yours.
|
|
|
Post by A46Matt on May 11, 2023 17:41:19 GMT
Yep, died 12 days apart, 12 years apart. Thanks dude. Same to you and yours. All the best for tomorrow Dougs
|
|
EMarkM
Junior Member
Well, quite...
Posts: 2,149
|
Post by EMarkM on May 11, 2023 18:33:42 GMT
Thinking of you, Dougs.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on May 11, 2023 18:56:32 GMT
Ah, thanks chaps. X
|
|
nexus6
Junior Member
Posts: 2,223
|
Post by nexus6 on May 11, 2023 19:00:47 GMT
Go well mate. Did TotK arrive?
|
|
|
Post by freddiemercurystwin on May 11, 2023 19:06:43 GMT
Crappy day for you Dougs, take it as it comes, everyone's different but I felt such relief after the event when it was my turn.
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on May 11, 2023 21:28:55 GMT
Go well mate. Did TotK arrive? Nah, not yet. It's cool though, today was a busy day, sorting out stuff at mum's with my sister and niece, then over to the place my sister has rented for food, drinks, lots of photos. Same again tomorrow after the wake, so it'll be most useful for after that for him! It's weird, such a long time between. The last week or two I've been relatively ok, but it's starting to hit home again now. Obviously sat on my own getting maudlin with the dog, but I'm happy with that. Appreciate the kind words all.
|
|
|
Post by motti82 on May 12, 2023 19:20:22 GMT
Take care Dougs, it's ok to cry and get maudlin as it's just the process.
Reading these posts is a reminder of work. I work for a pension company in Bereavements. You hear a lot of really heart breaking stories on the phone and emails that come in. There's no real time to deal with matters such as these, every person is different.
|
|