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Post by Dougs on Feb 10, 2023 15:46:16 GMT
Oh man. Fingers crossed. Would explain the withdrawal and loss of appetite. Such a worry.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Feb 10, 2023 16:05:46 GMT
That's rough, my mum knew something was wrong for a good year or so but (tried to) keep it quiet, I think we all ignored it looking back, until it was far too late to do anything about it, it didn't help that me and my two bothers hardly see each other so never talked about her health.
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Feb 11, 2023 15:04:56 GMT
Update, mass is a hernia. Having a blood transfusion today, has been on and off drips but is eating small amounts of solid food. It's some sort of autoimmune thing with the body attacking its own red blood cells. Tests with two specialists/labs needed with hospitals out of area that can't provide until after the weekend. Stable but definitely not out of the woods and as yet undiagnosed. In a lower dependency ward now, I still think it's an intensive care job but a level under, sorry I don't know the terms.
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Feb 11, 2023 17:21:24 GMT
Tough times, but at least it's not looking as bleak as you feared yesterday.
Hope all keeps improving.
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Post by Dougs on Feb 11, 2023 18:39:42 GMT
Yep, hope things keep improving. She's in the best place and getting the help she need. Important to look after yourselves at times like this - take time outs from fretting etc!
Edit: High Dependency Unit?
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Feb 11, 2023 20:06:05 GMT
Yep, hope things keep improving. She's in the best place and getting the help she need. Important to look after yourselves at times like this - take time outs from fretting etc! Edit: High Dependency Unit? I dunno. I'm sure that was the name of the first one. I haven't seen her, I don't think she's for seeing partners or grandkids so holding the fort with the daughter and making sure all the housework is done basically. There's five (grown-up) offspring all with their own kids so she probably doesn't want overwhelming. Other half due back soon, she's been this morning and has been back tonight. Thanks all. If she pulls through I think the real challenge will be on the 'outside', learning to take advice, or even just medicine, and admit when something's wrong It's reminded us of when old timers give up and want to go - she's clearly been extremely depressed for years but won't be talked to about it or treated - but when faced with the actual eventuality, I think she's changed her tune.
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Post by minimatt on Feb 23, 2023 9:01:48 GMT
If a relative has, characteristically, bought a "don't want a fuss, bag 'em & burn 'em" pre-paid funeral plan, but the executors decide they might actually want a little bit of fuss and are able to pay the difference that's usually not a problem right? Slight fear the provider (co-op) could say to executors "if you want different you'll have to buy whole new plan, oh and we're keeping the original plan money too"
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Post by Dougs on Feb 23, 2023 9:54:46 GMT
Guess that will be down to the funeral home. But really the executor should honour their wishes.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Feb 23, 2023 10:07:32 GMT
Surely the wishes of the deceased should be honoured.
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Post by minimatt on Feb 23, 2023 10:18:38 GMT
huh, that's interesting I have a completely different view on that one. Funerals are for the benefit of those left behind, not the deceased. What do you do if don't-want-a-fuss granny is just so modest she doesn't realise how big an impact she's had and yes those left behind would actually like to have some control over the date & time of the funeral so as to arrange the hundred+ people who would dearly like to turn up?
I certainly get that if it's the other way round, ie if the deceased made provision for a big deal and the executors chose to downgrade, that would feel iffy
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Post by Dougs on Feb 23, 2023 10:45:32 GMT
Yeah, I can see that. Tough one. I guess the deceased won't know either way so those left behind can do what they need to do, and if that's throwing a big do to do them justice, then no harm.
I'm generally a no fuss - cheapest coffin, burn me up, get pissed.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Feb 23, 2023 11:03:28 GMT
I couldn't believe the number of coffin options available cremation wise. I mean, what fabric and colour do you want on the inside of the coffin?! We didn't have an open casket, so bizarre question really.
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Post by Dougs on Feb 23, 2023 12:42:51 GMT
It's a fucked up industry really.
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Feb 23, 2023 12:50:25 GMT
Yeah, I can see that. Tough one. I guess the deceased won't know either way so those left behind can do what they need to do, and if that's throwing a big do to do them justice, then no harm. I'm generally a no fuss - cheapest coffin, burn me up, get pissed. So much this. and I definitely don't want my family to have to line up and shake hands with all and sundry as they file out either. Can you buy small water cannons to stop anyone who tries to do this?
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Post by khanivor on Feb 23, 2023 16:09:37 GMT
Funerals for the deceased, memorial service for those left behind
Says so right on the tin
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Feb 25, 2023 21:17:47 GMT
I'd not want the living to spend money they could use for they or their kids lives but do agree it's a ritual for the survivors and part of their process.
Thought I'd give an update on the earlier stuff MIL stuff anyway. I've still yet to see her and basically doubt I will until she's out, but she's gradually getting better but is much weaker (can't walk unassisted etc) than before it all happened.
Pernicious anaemia and malnutrition. Will never know if the latter was outright caused by the former or if she just gave up eating.
The good thing is she's been co-operative with it all including antidepressants which I never thought I'd see.
Thanks for hearing me out etc.
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Post by Dougs on Feb 25, 2023 21:43:00 GMT
That sounds positive. Glad it wasn't anything nastier, but worrying nonetheless. It's so hard...my mum has been similarly funny with eating. She wouldn't see that it was all linked...if you don't eat, you don't have the strength to move properly and you get weaker. And then it begins again.
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Feb 25, 2023 23:40:37 GMT
That sounds positive. Glad it wasn't anything nastier, but worrying nonetheless. It's so hard...my mum has been similarly funny with eating. She wouldn't see that it was all linked...if you don't eat, you don't have the strength to move properly and you get weaker. And then it begins again. Hope she's doing alright. It was nastier than the diagnosis might suggest - the hospital basically said they wouldn't be successful in bringing her back if she crashed in that first week. Yep, food is so important.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 9, 2023 6:49:30 GMT
My old dear is back in hospital, suspected chest infection. She was due to be assessed by a care provider to see if she could go home this week but suspect that may now be delayed.
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Post by jeepers on Apr 9, 2023 6:57:03 GMT
Sorry to hear it Dougs - hoping for a good recovery.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 9, 2023 8:31:37 GMT
Cheers mate. Every little thing like this absolutely knocks her for 6.
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EMarkM
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Post by EMarkM on Apr 9, 2023 8:57:02 GMT
Good luck, Dougs and family.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Apr 9, 2023 9:02:24 GMT
Bugger Dougs. Shite luck. Hope she is sorted out soon.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Apr 9, 2023 9:04:38 GMT
I'll be off to collect my mum later today to bring her to ours. Usually she helps the kiddiewinks do their egg hunt but after a couple nasty falls last year where she broke her landing with her face, she is unsure on her feet.
Also, just phoning up to make arrangements is getting increasingly difficult as she seems to have forgotten how conversation on a phone works - you say something then wait for a reply, or someone says something and you don't talk while they're speaking. Then I feel like shit for not wanting to speak on the phone...
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Apr 9, 2023 10:41:22 GMT
Oof not great Dougs, sorry.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 7:51:43 GMT
So this hasn't gone well really, bless her. I saw her on Sunday and she was ok, weak and tired but she spoke, had eaten something etc but they didn't seem to think there was a huge amount wrong other than a bowel blockage (cleared) and colitis, which they were treating with antibiotics. Then got the call on Monday morning to head in - told it was a "catastrophic infection" which she couldn't fight.
We agreed to withdraw all treatment, fluids etc and she was moved to a wonderful end of life care ward. On Monday and Tuesday morning she has periods of wakefulness and recognised us but since Tuesday night has been unconscious (her last "words" were "hello" to my sister, who travelled down from Norfolk, which was lovely). We had a good old party with her Monday night, played some of her favourite records, a few beers, told stories etc, lots of tears. Was really lovely. Stubborn mare has been hanging on since!
Just a waiting game now really, amazing what the human body can cope with. Coming up to 72 hours now. And I don't get the feeling she's ready to give in yet!
So if you see me posting at random times, that's why - awake or unable to sleep etc.
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Post by LockeTribal on Apr 13, 2023 8:23:31 GMT
Ah Dougs, I'm so sorry to hear that. Hope you and your family are all doing okay.
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EMarkM
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Post by EMarkM on Apr 13, 2023 8:41:00 GMT
Thinking of you, Dougs.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 9:03:17 GMT
Thanks chaps. It's a weird old time as she's 84, has had a good life and pragmatism should take over, which it has to a degree. It doesn't stop it being any less sad or traumatic though. Have been taking it in turns with my brother to stay with her overnight - my turn tonight.
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Post by Honk If You're Horny? on Apr 13, 2023 9:27:08 GMT
Sorry to hear that Dougs, it's something that I worry about and I'm not sure I'll ever be prepared to deal with.
It sounds like you have had the opportunity to say goodbyes and it's going as peacefully as these things ever can. Glad the family is there together.
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