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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 9:32:41 GMT
It's very different to how it was with my dad, despite him having leukemia and knew he was dying - he went within 24hrs of going into hospital, so we didn't get to say those goodbyes. As you say, we did that with mum and now things are taking a bit longer than we expected.
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dam
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Post by dam on Apr 13, 2023 9:37:36 GMT
Sorry to hear that. Sounds like my Mum, at that age infections we would shrug off with a Lemsip can be catastrophic. When we agreed to withdraw all treatments, they gave her some morphine "to make her comfortable". Good you can be with her at the end. It's a strange experience, but one I'm glad we got to have.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 9:39:27 GMT
Haven't got to the morphine stage yet, just a painkiller to help with the joint pain when they move her. Sepsis caused by a UTI is their best guess.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Apr 13, 2023 9:39:59 GMT
That's rough Dougs, sorry.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Apr 13, 2023 9:44:13 GMT
Such sad news Dougs. Sorry to hear it. Sounds like you are at least having some quality time with your mum though, being able to be with the family and say goodbye etc, so that is a wee plus hopefully.
Still, total scunner. Thoughts are with you!
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dogbot
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Post by dogbot on Apr 13, 2023 9:49:13 GMT
Dougs sorry to hear this, hope you are holding up as well as possible. Thoughts are with you, buddy.
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Ulythium
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Post by Ulythium on Apr 13, 2023 10:24:50 GMT
So sorry, Dougs. Thinking of you.
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Apr 13, 2023 10:44:39 GMT
So this hasn't gone well really, bless her. I saw her on Sunday and she was ok, weak and tired but she spoke, had eaten something etc but they didn't seem to think there was a huge amount wrong other than a bowel blockage (cleared) and colitis, which they were treating with antibiotics. Then got the call on Monday morning to head in - told it was a "catastrophic infection" which she couldn't fight. We agreed to withdraw all treatment, fluids etc and she was moved to a wonderful end of life care ward. On Monday and Tuesday morning she has periods of wakefulness and recognised us but since Tuesday night has been unconscious (her last "words" were "hello" to my sister, who travelled down from Norfolk, which was lovely). We had a good old party with her Monday night, played some of her favourite records, a few beers, told stories etc, lots of tears. Was really lovely. Stubborn mare has been hanging on since! Just a waiting game now really, amazing what the human body can cope with. Coming up to 72 hours now. And I don't get the feeling she's ready to give in yet! So if you see me posting at random times, that's why - awake or unable to sleep etc. Ah Dougs I'm so sorry. Really reminds me of a very similar thing with my mother in law two years ago. In fact, the father in law died of cancer, quite quick, so I can empathise with your other post as well. My wife was in hospital for weeks with her mum at the end and she too was hanging on in there for so long, even after they stopped her fluids etc. It's so nice your family are able to be there, and she saw that your sister had come down. Such a shame though how it went so quickly to something so serious. You have my thoughts man, it really does resonate with what my wife went through with her mum.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Apr 13, 2023 10:51:02 GMT
Sorry Dougs, brings it all back
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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 14:43:42 GMT
Sorry dude. It sucks. Although we are all trying to find levity where we can (my brother in particular has to crack jokes). There's another family going through the same and they are considerably more sombre!
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Apr 13, 2023 15:24:11 GMT
Don't apologise, probably harder for you as she is communicative.
Bittersweet.
All the best.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 15:28:54 GMT
Ah, she's not communicative now - and on Monday, all she could do was try and focus on us and tried to say hello to my sis but was unintelligible really. But she knew we were there, which was important. She's blissfully unaware now (although apparently hearing is the last to go).
I am drinking a lot of tea and eating lots of cake and biscuits as it's all on offer on the ward. Not much else to do really!
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Apr 13, 2023 16:19:39 GMT
Aw shit Dougs, so sorry to read all this.
😢
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chug666
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Post by chug666 on Apr 13, 2023 16:25:13 GMT
All the best Dougs, thoughts with you and yours. We had a similar situation with my Dad exactly 2 years ago, it sucked but family/friends support really helped.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 13, 2023 19:56:48 GMT
Love this place, you guys rock. (I may have imbibed to see me through the night - everyone else fucked off by 6pm!).
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Apr 13, 2023 20:10:51 GMT
Hope tonight is nice and peaceful for you and your mum Dougs. She'll know you're there.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 14, 2023 22:52:55 GMT
Mum passed away this afternoon. We were all there and it was about as lovely (although traumatic, given how hard she fought) as it could be. Lots of beers and tears again already. Fucking hard, even at my tender years.
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Apr 14, 2023 23:22:35 GMT
Sending virtual hugs to Dougs & family.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Apr 14, 2023 23:25:31 GMT
Sorry Dougs. That’s all mate.
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Apr 15, 2023 1:08:24 GMT
Sorry to hear this Dougs. Go well.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Apr 15, 2023 5:54:08 GMT
Sorry Dougs.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 15, 2023 6:00:43 GMT
Thanks chaps.
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EMarkM
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Post by EMarkM on Apr 15, 2023 6:17:36 GMT
Dougs, now’s the time to make sure you’re looking after yourself and those around you. Be well, and if you want to chat, let me know.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 15, 2023 6:21:24 GMT
That is much appreciated mate. The kids have been somewhat neglected so need to correct that today. And I had to try very hard not to cry into a bottle last night, but feel better for only having a couple.
Bloody inconsiderate dying on a Friday night, can't even do anything practical!
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Apr 15, 2023 7:15:23 GMT
So sorry as well Dougs. You were all there with her at the end at least. My sincere condolences.
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Post by LockeTribal on Apr 15, 2023 7:17:46 GMT
Sorry to hear that Doug's, may she rest in peace. Fair play to you for being there with her to the end, hope you can take some comfort from that.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 15, 2023 7:26:08 GMT
Hardest thing I've ever done. And if nothing else, the whole ordeal has made me re-evaluate end of life care. No-one should be put through that, not the patient nor the families. You can't do that to an animal, so why do we allow such suffering for humans?
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Tomo
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Post by Tomo on Apr 15, 2023 8:02:15 GMT
Sorry for your loss Dougs . Sounds like you were a great son for your ma to the end so be proud of that.
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Apr 15, 2023 9:15:05 GMT
Hardest thing I've ever done. And if nothing else, the whole ordeal has made me re-evaluate end of life care. No-one should be put through that, not the patient nor the families. You can't do that to an animal, so why do we allow such suffering for humans? My wife and her sisters thought exactly the same with her mum. They are still traumatised now because it took her mum so long in the end, even after they stopped feeding etc. It took her another four or five days to go and the wife and sisters never left her side. The experience was...well, I think her thoughts are now that she would never have stayed had she known how it would have affected them all. It does make you wonder to whose benefit it all is. Not the patient, who by that point is too heavily sedated to truly know, and not the family who have to endure it by their loved ones side. What I will say, and what others have said, is that you were all there when it mattered, when she was still aware of you there and that I am convinced would have brought her great comfort towards the end. I'm sure it's all so fresh and all you can recall are those final moments but you've still got when you were all there playing the music, chatting, and when she saw you all there. Think how happy that would have made her.
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Ulythium
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Post by Ulythium on Apr 15, 2023 9:30:18 GMT
*So* sorry to hear this, Dougs. Big hugs to you and yours.
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