Vortex
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Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
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Post by Vortex on Aug 19, 2023 11:31:26 GMT
A family sheltering from the sun at Kew earlier this week:
Mum "I did NOT say we were all going to die!"
I would have liked to have heard the preceding conversation for a bit more context.
Too hot? Child having an existential crisis? Lost & hungry? Who knows.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Aug 19, 2023 11:33:29 GMT
Not all. Just some.
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Post by Bill in the rain on Aug 19, 2023 13:59:04 GMT
I did not say WE were all going to die!
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Post by Jambowayoh on Aug 22, 2023 16:48:01 GMT
'Absolute fucking LAD' walks into toilet at New Street Station:
"Fucking hell! Smells like a gay sauna in here!"
Obviously he would know.
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Post by Leolian'sBro on Sept 2, 2023 0:27:33 GMT
Two American gentlemen at the table next to us in their late 50s / early 60s:
On using a computer mouse
1. I have a track ball
2. I have a track pad. It's a flat surface...
1. ...with a ball in the middle?
2. It's ball less
On dinosaurs
1. I've always loved steggy, you know, stegosaurus
2. I'm a t-rex guy
1. My daughter and I connected over iguanadon
On particle physics
1. Neutrinos! I love neutrinos! The human brain blows my mind.
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Post by grey_matters on Sept 2, 2023 2:20:39 GMT
Two American gentlemen at the table next to us in their late 50s / early 60s: On using a computer mouse 1. I have a track ball 2. I have a track pad. It's a flat surface... 1. ...with a ball in the middle? 2. It's ball less On dinosaurs 1. I've always loved steggy, you know, stegosaurus 2. I'm a t-rex guy 1. My daughter and I connected over iguanadon On particle physics 1. Neutrinos! I love neutrinos! The human brain blows my mind. Yep. I'd need to be in a particularly deep arsehole mode to not feel happier for the rest of that day after hearing that. |
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Post by LegendaryApe on Sept 2, 2023 6:34:05 GMT
You just know one of them had a moustache
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Blue_Mike
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Post by Blue_Mike on Sept 13, 2023 21:43:30 GMT
"No, I'm telling you, seriously, asian women have ridiculously straight pubes."
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Blue_Mike
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Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Sept 27, 2023 0:02:34 GMT
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Post by rawshark on Sept 27, 2023 6:20:25 GMT
Had a good one in the work canteen the other day.
“Seriously, the boy does not know how to cover up.”
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Blue_Mike
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Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Oct 19, 2023 21:27:52 GMT
"I know it's only Wednesday, but I..."
"It's fucking THURSDAY, you ignorant CUNT!"
"Fucking hell, settle down, will you?"
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Post by rawshark on Oct 19, 2023 21:42:37 GMT
"I know it's only Wednesday, but I..." "It's fucking THURSDAY, you ignorant CUNT!" "Fucking hell, settle down, will you?" Im going to go ahead and say that guy was a new Dad. Because I’ve been there. |
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Post by rawshark on Oct 19, 2023 21:45:20 GMT
Overheard a guy in a car dealership…
“So this car has everything you need…”
“Yeah, but cargo space?”
“No. Car no go space. Car go road”
*this didn’t actually happen.
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nazo
Junior Member
Posts: 1,301
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Post by nazo on Feb 1, 2024 15:48:54 GMT
“I wish you hadn’t mentioned the cheese sandwich incident, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen”
“What even worse than the explosive diarrhoea?”
“Yeah way worse”
Our fellow Brits bringing class to the pistes.
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Post by rawshark on Feb 21, 2024 15:44:35 GMT
There was a good one at work recently. Two female colleagues sat near me were chatting towards the end of the day, and one out of nowhere asked the other "who do you think would win in a fight between you and me?"
I don't think I've heard anyone laugh so much in response. Between gasping for air and crying like a crazy person, the other managed to get a few words out...
"I... would...
I... would...
I... would fucking kill you.
It wouldn't... even be close."
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Post by grey_matters on Feb 21, 2024 15:47:22 GMT
A random snort of laughter escaped just now at work. That's a great one, well told.
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Blue_Mike
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Post by Blue_Mike on Feb 23, 2024 13:20:00 GMT
Two old gents on the bus talking about their various acquaintances who have either died or been hospitalised since last they saw each other.
"Remember John from Old Street? He was drunk after the pub after the rugby the other week, and he crossed the road and a car came down and hit him. They found his boot up in the guttering of the house opposite."
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Post by smoothpete on Mar 1, 2024 17:16:52 GMT
Not me but my brother:
“Just passed a bloke with a megaphone asking if anyone has some spare MDMA to help save his marriage”
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Blue_Mike
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Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Apr 3, 2024 20:38:33 GMT
Couple at the table next to me, on apparently their first date:
Her: "You know, the one thing for me that I really hate, and is a total deal breaker, and I think you'll agree with me, is cheating."
Him: *far too long a pause* "Well, it depends..."
Don't give this one a lot of mileage.
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Post by smoothpete on May 13, 2024 7:04:31 GMT
In the gym:
“At least it wasn’t actual herpes”
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Frog
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Posts: 7,270
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Post by Frog on May 13, 2024 7:24:00 GMT
You been listening in on Theresa's conversations again Pete?
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Post by LegendaryApe on May 13, 2024 7:26:14 GMT
Please be talking about a cold sore..
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Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,390
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Post by Vortex on May 13, 2024 8:36:09 GMT
Let's hope so. Wipe those benches and seats down extra rigourously just in case though pete!
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Post by smoothpete on May 13, 2024 8:42:15 GMT
Yeah for reals, I watched what equipment they were using and made a point to never touch it.
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Post by smoothpete on Jun 25, 2024 8:44:32 GMT
I've temporarily moved desks in the office while my usual work area is being renovated. I'm now near one of the younger sales teams. They are talking some absolute nonsense.
"Hattie can you make a machine gun noise? It's a social experiment."
"If I could choose any animal to be it would be a dragonfly"
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Blue_Mike
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Post by Blue_Mike on Jul 5, 2024 15:15:36 GMT
"That kid looks like the kind who'd sign up to an Alpha course if a girl he fancies asks him to, and then spend his time there wondering why she wouldn't speak to him."
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cubby
Full Member
doesn't get subtext
Posts: 6,354
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Post by cubby on Aug 3, 2024 18:21:16 GMT
"Your dad drinks fucking perfume!"
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mrpon
Junior Member
Posts: 3,729
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Post by mrpon on Aug 28, 2024 8:58:01 GMT
"We're going to see JLS next weekend"
Sad times.
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Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,390
Member is Online
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Post by Vortex on Aug 28, 2024 9:27:10 GMT
I passed someone having a bad day at work.
The whole overheard interaction as I passed by was 'Fuck. Shit. Fucking bastards.'
I was tempted to ask what had happened, but thought better of it!
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Blue_Mike
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Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Aug 28, 2024 9:38:19 GMT
I passed someone having a bad day at work. The whole overheard interaction as I passed by was 'Fuck. Shit. Fucking bastards.' I was tempted to ask what had happened, but thought better of it! Sounds like Piles. |
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