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Post by Techno Hippy on Nov 4, 2021 15:36:10 GMT
I've halved my drinking over the past couple of months and I've gone from watery slurry, to rock hard King Kong fingers that stretch my poor anus.
I'm not sure which is worse.
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Post by Danno on Nov 4, 2021 16:27:04 GMT
I think I know what you mean. Are they a bit jagged as well?
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Nov 4, 2021 16:44:19 GMT
A Cod Liver Oil capsule or three everyday keeps everything moving (sliding) .....
It used to be considered good for your heart/blood etc but I think that was debunked a year or so back.
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Post by Techno Hippy on Nov 4, 2021 17:52:59 GMT
I think I know what you mean. Are they a bit jagged as well? You could use them as a spiked club. |
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Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,481
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Post by Lizard on Nov 21, 2021 21:45:24 GMT
Scorching.
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Post by Danno on Nov 21, 2021 21:48:52 GMT
You ok dude? Sounds like you're crying for help from the can itself |
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Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,360
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Post by Blue_Mike on Nov 21, 2021 22:09:37 GMT
I find that most of my best thinking gets done when I'm sat on the throne, doing my impersonation of a Playdoh shape factory.
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Post by Danno on Nov 21, 2021 22:30:17 GMT
I find that most of my best thinking gets done when I'm sat on the throne, doing my impersonation of a Playdoh shape factory. If you ever manage the hairdresser playset we need an update |
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Post by Reviewer on Nov 21, 2021 22:49:16 GMT
My 2 year old daughter poos once every 2 or 3 days, each time it’s almost as big as her head. She’s never poo’d much.
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Post by LockeTribal on Nov 21, 2021 22:56:04 GMT
My 2 year old daughter poos once every 2 or 3 days, each time it’s almost as big as her head. She’s never poo’d much. Aldi do these purple pouches things for kids, which are basically just puréed prunes. Couple of spoons of that every day might help. Our wee girl (just turned 3) liked it and hasn't had too much trouble with constipation. |
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Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,481
Member is Online
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Post by Lizard on Nov 21, 2021 23:03:07 GMT
You ok dude? Sounds like you're crying for help from the can itself It was the worst ring-burner I've experienced in a long time. Reminds you you're alive, or at least that your anus is. |
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Post by Danno on Nov 21, 2021 23:32:16 GMT
My 2 year old daughter poos once every 2 or 3 days, each time it’s almost as big as her head. She’s never poo’d much. Aldi do these purple pouches things for kids, which are basically just puréed prunes. Couple of spoons of that every day might help. Our wee girl (just turned 3) liked it and hasn't had too much trouble with constipation. Locke you're back! I did the Avatar change to avoid cramping your style |
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Post by LockeTribal on Nov 22, 2021 8:08:34 GMT
Cheers Danno, I never really left merely returned to my MO of lurking silently in the shadows and watching (rubbing my thighs).
Very much approve of the new pic by the way, Jake's brilliant.
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Post by Reviewer on Nov 22, 2021 8:55:57 GMT
My 2 year old daughter poos once every 2 or 3 days, each time it’s almost as big as her head. She’s never poo’d much. Aldi do these purple pouches things for kids, which are basically just puréed prunes. Couple of spoons of that every day might help. Our wee girl (just turned 3) liked it and hasn't had too much trouble with constipation. She just holds it in, she has a small amount of stool softener to help but she’ll only poo when everyone is having their lunch or dinner and never at nursery. Once she understands what’s happening I think she’ll be ok, she doesn’t scream about it for 30 minutes anymore. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2021 9:14:28 GMT
Did we ever find out what happened to the guy who asked if it was ok that blood was pouring out of his arsehole?
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Post by Dougs on Nov 22, 2021 16:29:26 GMT
He's not actually been online since that day, which is a worry.
I must be on my 6th or 7th dump of the day. All the weekend excesses (well, booze) make an appearance on a Monday.
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Post by Zuluhero on Nov 22, 2021 22:42:21 GMT
Shit, that's a worry, hope he's OK.
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Post by stacks on Nov 26, 2021 14:28:13 GMT
I'm sure he posted that everything was fine? Anyway I've had 3 days of horrendous and seriously unsatisfying dumps since having the all day brunch at the local spoons. It's put me off for life. (Of the food.)
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2021 15:12:11 GMT
I haven't had a solid poo in ages. Dunno what I need to do to get that firmness back. They are all incredible anti-climactic.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2021 15:48:48 GMT
As if on cue, I just go and do one there and it is solid. That shit gods heard my call! I could weep. Small but perfectly formed. A glory wipe to boot.
I cut out coffee from mid-afternoon yesterday for the first time in years. If this is the result, it can go fuck itself permanently. Mornings only from now on.
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Post by grey_matters on Nov 26, 2021 16:12:33 GMT
I must have poisoned myself with an Aldi fishcake last night. Today feels like I'm living through one of those amazon reviews for Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears. Thankfully we are a fairly woke company with accessibility bars in a lot of the jacks. Very supportive.
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Post by dfunked on Nov 26, 2021 16:28:20 GMT
Good for bracing yourself for the next round.
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Post by stacks on Nov 26, 2021 17:23:43 GMT
As if on cue, I just go and do one there and it is solid. That shit gods heard my call! I could weep. Small but perfectly formed. A glory wipe to boot.
I cut out coffee from mid-afternoon yesterday for the first time in years. If this is the result, it can go fuck itself permanently. Mornings only from now on.
Bananas are really good at sorting runny poos. |
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Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,390
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Post by Vortex on Nov 26, 2021 17:29:25 GMT
Shove 'em up with mustard as a barrier /dam?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2021 17:32:34 GMT
I'll get on the bananas too. Good idea. One in the mouth, one up the arse.
Honestly I almost screamed when that solid jobby fell out. I was so happy.
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Post by stacks on Nov 26, 2021 19:13:49 GMT
Shove 'em up with mustard as a barrier /dam? Lengthways and nestled in the arse crack with the crescent of the banana perfectly in line with the curvature of the arse. Add mustard to suit your tastes! |
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Post by stacks on Nov 26, 2021 19:17:02 GMT
I'll get on the bananas too. Good idea. One in the mouth, one up the arse. Honestly I almost screamed when that solid jobby fell out. I was so happy. Ha, I think a duece can sometimes be the most satisfying thing in the world and then from one day/meal to the next the least satisfying thing in the world. I will pray henceforth that yours are the former. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2021 19:17:55 GMT
God knows. There was a day I knew my arse, but those days are gone.
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Post by Sarfrin on Nov 26, 2021 19:22:27 GMT
One in the mouth, one up the arse. A quote for all seasons. |
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Post by Danno on Nov 26, 2021 20:38:33 GMT
One in the mouth, one up the arse. A quote for all seasons. Now I'm looking forward to Easter |
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