Depression

Tomorrow is another day. Daily stresses always seem worse at night and when tired and ratty.

I don't think anything prepares you for losing your parents. I have been up and down with my mental health for many years, and somewhat leaned on my parents to give me a kick up the arse, now they're gone it feels very much like I'm kicking myself up the arse. I'm lucky in that I have an understanding partner to help me out, as my siblings all live abroad.. Sometimes I wonder how I've managed to sort some of my mums house out, start the process of probate and selling the house. Suppose it 'helps' I feel somewhat numb to it all at the moment. Just on autopilot. And distracting myself by buying shit I don't need..

Thanks man. Vultures as in family? or utility people? My family thus far have been pretty decent, and haven't ransacked the house, other than what we agreed they could take... helps them being abroad and can't take everything in a suitcase.

The gas company were the only one asking money up front, whereas the others said just wait until it's sold. I think council tax is exempt. "If the owner or tenant of a property passes away, the property will be exempt from Council Tax. This exemption will apply until probate is granted or letters of administration are obtained."

Good advice there! thanks man.

My dad was pretty much my go to for anything practical, like buying a car, house, DIY etc. And mum more for the emotional lean on for advice. After he passed in 2019 I found that a real struggle to get stuff done in the house, and I was asking friends for advice etc. But yeah over time I managed to figure out things.

Then I had to sort a lot for mum out, as dad did all the accounts/bills/insurance/house stuff. It was kind of like having another house and our new normal. I don't think anything prepares you for taking on that sort of thing, but you do it because it's your mum and you want to help.

It is really hard to come to terms with not having parents there. My brain sometimes goes.. ah mum would like that, or I should take a picture and show her. And dad whenever the football or f1 is on, that sometimes brings back floods of memories. I know in time it'll get better and I'll feel less emotional. Just 38 years old and parents are gone.. it just seems too young.

I didn't want to like that but a lot of what you said there resonated. It was the same for me. My dad died 13 years ago but I still grieve all the time for him. Had a moment the other day after the England game - and I think it was because I'd shared that experience with my son but couldn't do the same with him. As quad says, it doesn't go away but it does get easier. And it does take a long time and you need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

Yes, it's awful, I know. It can feel overwhelming a lot of the time especially if you are younger (I was 44), but then again, when is it a good time for this to happen?

I know what you mean about, "I'll show Dad that, he'll know" etc. It kind of changes in due course and it develops into more memory based methods. If I see something now, I automatically say without thinking, "Dad would have liked that".

But again, this is normal - you've had 38 years of your brain being 100% knowing they are there. It takes time for the mind to adjust. But it will.

On the relationship problems thing, seemingly running into a bit of it myself at the moment. Wondering whether a thread might be helpful but it sometimes can result in reinforcing negative opinions I think.

Anyway it always comes after you’ve taken out payment agreements for TVs, washing machines and all sorts in your f*cking name doesn’t it.

Constantly rowing at the moment about approaches to parenting and now money. It’s fucking great. The arguments are then followed usually by about two days of basically barely speaking. Not helping that the kid basically seems to hate me at the moment too - maybe I’m the problem.

I in no way wish to leave my relationship or surrogate child but if this is my lot in life now, it’s just going to do me in and won’t be good for anybody in the house. But I’d be fucked financially trying to set up on my own too, and they’d be fucked financially without me.

Well that’s a bit of a surprise. She said she was going for a shower and I probably a bit cuntily made the classic ‘good well off you fuck and maybe think about what you’ve done’ type remark.

Anyway she's only come down and admitted that I’ve basically staged an intervention by forcing the issue, and for her to face some home truths - and the thing I was trying to suggest (I.e a practical plan to catch up on savings for our holiday, which I’m 75% up on) has now been put into place.

There’s still an unresolved argument about our girl’s sleeping problem, which we constantly argue over, with her solution being to pretend it doesn’t exist because she thinks the school hols will make it disappear (if they do this will be kicking the can down the road IMO) but a compromise has been agreed on that too in that we will talk about it seriously if/when it occurs during said holidays. We’ll see.

Anyway some passive aggressive sarcastic jokes have been passed back and forth to get the dregs of resentment out and it feels like a bit of a fresh start.

Sorry if this seems a bit much/rich to put in an actual depression thread - I’ve been holding onto it for a good few weeks though so life has been a bummer at this time though. There’s also the thing of your problems looking small and cunty compared to those of others. Feel like a bit of a weight has lifted, but there’s always that thing after these types of times and arguments that some barbs have been thrown both ways that can never be taken back.

It’s fucking hard existing with others isn’t it.

This. I've blown it by not communicating and it will stay with me to the grave.

Doesn't mean everything is fixable of course. But gives you a better chance if addressing issues early on if you discuss it and can find a solution. And of course it needs both parties to be open too.

It's not normal to book a Friday off to spend with your partner and her in-laws and feeling dread to the point of self-sabotage, is it?

You alright man?