Depression

So the tabloid media (Daily Mail and equivalents) are still reporting on the allegations about him, in breathless, lurid detail. NEW ALLEGATIONS COME OUT ABOUT DISGRACED PERSON, oh and by the way he died, here is his name and a picture of what he looked like before death.

Like, I know that there are media guidelines about reporting on suicide, and that most people could probably read between the lines. But it still feels a bit fucking wrong that you get to report on things that are, at this stage, just a bunch of people saying things on social media. But reporting on how he died? Oh no, too sensitive, think of the families etc.

Definitely worth speaking to someone if you need to Mike

Thanks man, means a lot you remembered. I'll have to take the call at work and don't really feel like speaking on the phone today, so we'll see. I'm not good just now, I know that much. I'll maybe see if I can push them towards a face to face.

Thankyou all.

It's just crept up on me again over the last few weeks, to the point where I'm now at the "What's the point of getting out of bed" stage but I've not yet reached the "Keeping empty bottles next to the bed for pissing into" stage.

Combination of breakup with the ex, work stress and lack of future prospects is what's fuelling it.

Spoken to someone at work about it so they are at least aware, and have agreed to redistribute some of the workload so it's a bit more of an even split between me and one of the lazier cunts there.

The workload redistribution is a positive. I'd also have a chat with your GP maybe. If this has happened before it's worth getting professional advice on, if you haven't already. Take care of yourself.

I'm glad you did the call, well done. And it's surprising how you just come out with stuff isn't it?

This is where it can really help.

Hope your face to face goes well mate, and bottoms up.

Yup, just take your time. No rush

I've just been in a Wetherspoons.

Deleting the lot after reading some posts and realising common or garden anxiety is fuck all compared to some of the stuff in here and feeling embarrassed as a result. Sorry and hope everybody is Ok.

No, fuck off with that noise. No judgement in here. Only support.

Thanks Danno. Already on top of it. Kiddo’s chicken nuggets and a few chips in the Ninja. Kiddo is staying out so I’ll replace before needed. Mrs on her way home and we all use Life 360 so I can see she’s on the move and she’s just messaged. She’s a f#cking diamond and she understood at the time.

Part of this is I feel I’ve soured her celebrations by being a weak b@stars not able to handle a crowd. Alcohol makes all that worse. Covid taught me that my prior relationships with it were all wrong - don’t listen to peer pressure, know when you’ve had enough and come home.

The circumstances behind tonight made that last bit feel all wrong and the fact I’ve not been operating at this level for years have made it worse.

Regards your second point, I get it but hope you can get where I am coming from there. Basically I’ll have had two hours of not even proper crisis.

I’ll get over this. I appreciate it though I do

We’ve no ketchup in for the nugs. May take you up. Ffs.

Probably an interesting debate for another time or place but this has made me reflect on the toxic masculinity thing. It’s a funny but very real part of this that the odd time I get this way it comes with a sense of emasculation. And a worry that people I’m with are thinking along those lines.

I have to maintain perspective anyway. Today I cleaned the whole house, did some relaxation, built five models, and had a largely great time catching up with both sides of the family plus colleagues and friends past and present. Just went a bit c*nty at the end.

I once took an autistic spectrum self assessment test and was a few points short of the lower end of a diagnosis. I do sometimes wonder if this stuff is sensory overload of being on that sort of spectrum. It’s not my first rodeo with shit like this. Not by a long chalk.

Thanks though and as an edit partner has now arrived home and been great (as she always is) so I’m putting a pin in this little wobble.

Again, hope everybody is Ok. Much love.

I'm a genius. Cancelled my face to face appointment today with 30 mins notice because I suddenly decided I didn't need it. Realised an hour later that I very much do need it, but not before ignoring a call back from her.

Excellent. I'm really good at this.

Give em a call back and rearrange. It happens quite a bit. You know you need it, it's just you possibly got spooked at the thought of it. But that's why you need it in the first place! If there was nothing to spook you, you wouldn't have booked it in the first place.

Get on that phone!