Depression

I know all about that too man. Honestly. Depends what drives you. I look for contentment over anything else. My problem is that I never equate that with money. Sure, I'd love to have it, but it's not what makes me happy. I don't know anyone who is minted who is any more content either. Just different problems, but there are always problems.

I think that's the trouble with us humans. Ever since we evolved and advanced to the extent that not every day is a fight for survival (well, for the privileged), we just find other things to worry about, but we can't go without worrying. We need something,

That's why I always try to just look for the good shit wherever it will be. There's always a list of bad shit. Always. But even if I took care of all that, there would just be a different list of bad shit. The list of shit is there regardless.

Do what you feel is right for you, but ultimately do the thing that will bring you happiness in the immediate future. Let beyond that take care of itself because we don't fucking know.

Sorry for your loss garfy.

My sincerest condolences Garfy

cheers, chaps, been away far too long as went through a rough spell with a range of ptsd symptoms and auditory/visual hallucinations...been a bit better since the psych put me on the antipsychotics - They seem to have knocked them on the head a bit - no fun thinking there are rodents and birds in your living room...I mean my daughter has pet rats but they're in another room entirely...XD

think I disappeared as I always feel too negative and moany on this board and probably needed a bit of space - the ideation has been high too, so I've been dealing with that a lot

also got rejected for the ill-health retirement pension on my first application - they completely disregarded the GPs report, saying they knew nothing and instead relied on an OH report from a 10 minute phone call, which all put the mockers on me a bit

now had my teaching contract ended through ill health so will be unemployed, and unemployable, from the end of April, so going to put my appeal together for the pension with new reports from the GP and psych as well as bring up the unprofessionalism of disregarding the first gPs report...need to do this as I have a few months' notice pay after 6 months of no pay thenI'll be fully reiiant on my PIP and whatever else I can get...screwed over, basically...XD

hope everyone else is OK - it takes me time to reply or comment (taken me a few days to work up to doing this post) but i'll try to catch up with what i've been missing

cheers
 
ETA - also lost my dad in november, forgot that bit, that's how bad it's been...  coming to dread that time of year now...

Hang in there dude.

New day man. Let the bad shit from yesterday stay there. Hope you have a better day chief.

I always think of a great metaphor I heard.

Your life is a ship. You want to be up front, looking forward, not standing at the back looking at the wake. You can’t change that and it will do you no good watching it. It will fade until it can no longer to be seen. Stand front and look forward.

Something like that anyway.

hope you're ok today, pal

Feel free to pm me if you need an outlet. I have an on/off battle with depression that's gone on over 10 years now. Same goes for anyone on here. Hope you're all OK:)

you're a good fella, squire

I'm sure that'll happen. Have you spoken to a professional about it?

There's a response if somebody asks "how are ya" where I'm from in Ireland (and probably other places too) that goes "Keeping the bright side out." It's usually said by older people and it's always struck a chord with me. Bit too tired at the moment to explain it

My problems are fucking miniscule so forgive me for navel gazing but I just want to shut down and do nothing. If life was a game I'd have binned it off years ago but this is it, the one fucking life I get.

I need to find a new job but I fully don't understand how anyone has the energy to do anything, like look for new employment or learn new skills.

At the end of the work day I'm just mentally drained. I've tried to look into this stuff but my brain totally fails to process the words, and I get fucking angry at my lack of comprehension and feel like punching myself in the head for being so useless.

I'm stressed out, frequently, too mentally exhausted to actually do anything I enjoy - after work I find it a struggle to even watch something on netflix. And that's purely passive. About the best i can manage is listening to music or looking at pictures of dogs. That's how pathetic my life is.

I don't feel like drinking on the weekend because my next day I'm free but as Sunday evening encroaches I just want to get hammered because of work the next day. My alcohol consumption actually decreases over Christmas as I don't need to work.

And I feel this way about my current job, which is probably the best job I've had.

There's a cultural shift and a massive push at work, a large corporation, focused around enacting change and enabling growth and other fucking phrases that I couldn't give a shit about. I don't really give a fuck about the share price or investors.

But it means there a noticeably faster pace, and at the same time we're expected to learn new skills - actually I'd be into learning new skills but when? The only way is going to happen is if it eats into my free time.

It's a fucking chore and I can't imagine any job not being a chore. Life is a fucking chore.

I need a break, like a proper, long, indefinite break where I can actually get some headspace and think about what I want to do but that's literally impossible because I've got to pay for my room in somebody else's house somehow.

I wish some other fucking sperm had won the race, maybe that would have resulted in somebody who was less of a useless cunt.

(This is what's in my head about 75% of the day)

drhickman1983

Right. First fucking things first: You are not a useless cunt. Far from it. You're a fucking talented guy who - like many of us - seems to have fallen into a little bit of a rut just now. I can empathise and sympathise entirely. I have been in my current job 16 years now. I don't know how I've been in it so long, I don't know why. I also couldn't give a shit about it.

You're talking aout drinking. Are you drinking during the week? If so, how much. Don't underestimate how much harm that can potentailly be doing to your mental state. I got up to the point last year where I drank most evenings but I realsied all it was doing was making me worse. I've binned it off since (wasn't easy - that's another struggle but so far I'm winning). Do I notice a massive change? No, and I don't automatically feel awesome, but the drink was amplifying my feelings of shitness and now it's not there.

Being creative outside of work is how I stay sane, but I too have days that I can't be fucked and I'm either mentally or physically tired. Don't beat yourself up for those days, accept them and accepts that's just how you're feeling. So fucking what if you spend your time looking at pictures of dogs. Does that small act make you happy in that moment? If so, then just fucking do it.

If you feel like you are struggling to learn the new thigns your work needs you to learn, that's on them, not you. End of the day is not when you can sit down and learn something, particularly after a long and draining day. Stop thinking you're shit because you have a normal brain and body that can only take so much.

As ever in this thread, we are here for support. No one is qualified in this and no advice should be taken as gospel. If things get low to the point where you can't see a way through, there are organisations out there. Let's all remember this.

couldn't agree more