Depression

Baby steps, just a little bit at a time. Take your own pace as long as you're always going forward.

Had a similar weekend myself. For alot of various reasons. I went for a walk, it did help however quite amusingly I found a lovely clearing in the woods and thought "this is definatly where I would do it' I did tell my wife and laughed it off. It was a fleeting thought but the first time it's really crossed my mind.

Might stick to self pity in the house with alcohol haha

I think we do :/

After a week of being back on anxiety meds, I've bitten the bullet and made an appointment to ask for some antidepressants.

Annoyed at myself for getting back into this state but glad I'll be able to get some help. Trying to explain it to me bird is really hard - she doesn't understand that it's just the way my brain works (or doesn't), not the result of any external factors.

Been feeling very off of late and it's becoming increasingly harder to ignore it. I'm very certain that it's connected to turning 40 later this year but also I've been seriously considering leaving Andorra as it's super small and I've been feeling it more and more the longer I've been here.

Work is okay, but a thing at work last summer made me a feel not appreciated somewhat and kind of ignored so I think subconsciously stepped back with how invested I was previously.

I'm also aware that a lot of the friends I have here I don't have a particularly close friendship with and not many of them share my hobbies and interests so I don't get get to really talk about certain subjects and it can feel a bit stifling but also no one ever really asks me about my life, or real shit so I don't offer it in return so as a result there's a shared belief among them that I don't discuss feelings or stuff like that but I probably would if someone asked me. I guess it doesn't help that 2020 for me, like many people here was fucking awful where not only was COVID rampant but I was treated terribly by a former friend I had known for years and I had to cut them off because they were so toxic and I fell in love with someone but ultimately they used me for emotional support and said one thing but acted a different way so now we barely have any contact as their life got better and I'm essentially chopped liver.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm going for a particularly rough time and I feel pretty alone and somewhat aware but accepting that I might die alone.

For what it's worth I have kids and a wife whom I adore more than anything. However this week I feel like I've been hit by a depression sledgehammer to the chest.

It happens every now and then, I have my ways of trying to get out of the "funk" but no matter your situation, if your head feels like fucking your day up, it will do it.

Cornwall must be amazing but maybe somewhere "busier" might help. Especially if it gets to more like minded friends etc.

Grew up down here. Went away for Uni, and didn't really have any intention of moving up country once I finished.  Did think about London for a while, but I think that was just because I missed my uni friends. They have all pretty much left now.  Most of the time I love it down here but I do get that feeling of wanting to be somewhere busier for a while from time to time.  


I totally get the cyclical nature of boughts of low moods or depression. Always had it myself as well.  Been better at managing it over the last five years or so, but I am feeling it a lot more than usual of late.  I think as Jambo says, it's been a mad few years regardless of what has happened in our own lives and what may have worked now to manage mental health issues doesn't work now, or simply forgotten the little things that may have helped before hand.  I was thinking the other day I haven't been for an afterwork pint with a friend since before Covid. A small thing but its little things like that I guess that Covid as disrupted or make you forget you used to do.  Small thing I know, but was a time to catch up with other peoples weeks and be outside my head. 

Anyway, don't want to derail this from Jambo's original post. Here to chat as well. 

You know what? Don't underestimate the mental impact that turning 40 has. As far as I'm concerned it's the biggest of the big ones. When you're in your thirties you still feel connected to your twenties, and people IN their twenties. you still feel "young". In your forties and it's a different thing entirely. You're now nearly DOUBLE the age of people in their early twenties. You are, essentially "dad age". You're the age that when you read about someone in their forties in the paper you imagine this older, balding / greying man with a paunch. Everything then hits you at once. That's why "mid-life crisis" is a thing. Because it's real. It's when we stop and think "where did my youth go, where am I in life". You stop looking at things as still to happen, and look at things as "maybe they won't happen". You look at the things you've done and not the things you are still to do.

In other words. It's fucking bleak.

"Life begins at 40"

Heard that one haven't you? Why? Because we all want to start again.

I know, I'm depressing you, but wait. We DO start again, but with the hindsight and experience of what we've done before. We get more confident in our decisions and start to believe in ourselves a bit more because we realise we are actually worth a damn. We realise what's important. We gain a bit of perspective. Don't get hung up on the one "big failing" that we perceive defines us. Look instead for all the stuff we do have, have done, and are still to do. That one big thing we are getting hung up about may happen, yet it may not happen. But you know what? Lots of other shit will happen, and it can be great.

I'm nearly 42 and in the past year have had writing published which I presumed would NEVER happen*. I've got a record label actually showing interest in my music, which I presumed would never happen*. Other good stuff is happening. Other shit stuff is happening. I'm missing my own big life goals too (job, house) but fuck it. Keep looking forward but don't manifest anything there already, good or bad. Because you just don't know. We don't ever fucking know. Are we healthy? That's the main thing. Don't take it for granted. Health and mobility. Keep that in mind because you are still in the best possible position for something good to happen any day, however small.

*we're talking smallest of the smallest tier stuff here but so what, it's better than it not happening.

I believe all this today, I probably won't tomorrow. Life. It's fun isn't it.

The youngest ever President of the USA was in their mid forties and the last two were in their 70s when they got the job

Don’t worry 40 somethings, plenty of good times left yet

(I’m 48)

Physical too, unfortunately. While I'm coping mentally with my forties pretty well, physically I feel like I'm now an old man well past his prime. Aches and pains, tiredness, little injuries that take forever to heal. Can't get up from the sofa without saying a little "oof" and my knees clicking. Starting to notice liver spots appearing for fucks sake!!

Sorry, I know this probably isn't helping, other than to say you're not alone and we're all going through a similar thing I guess.

jeez, been a while, been going through a rough spell

how is everyone?

Hate seeing this one bumped. Hope you're hanging in there, Doc.

Glad to see you back man.