Depression

aye, a very good point - i'm hoping whatever awaits in terms of therapy/treatment explores the roots and connections as well as the way forward - i'd say i've struggled with mental illness most of my life, only really recognised it in myself as something to deal with properly about 10 years ago and there's no doubt it's affected, and been affected by, the events of the last 5 years...at least now they've specified they'll be going in on a certain tier in terms of high-impact therapy and raising the stakes until it's effective, even if it means moving to psychiatric help rather than psychotherapeutic

How about you fuck off you complete twat.

Yeah this ain't the place for that kind of fucking comment. Even if misplaced "humour"

This thread on eurogamer helped alot of people and stupid fucking comments like that could really ruin someone's fucking day.

cheers, pal, and thanks for the support everyone - it's the supportive nature of this thread and the cancer one that really helps me and others... that sort of 'horseplay' can fuck off

couldn't even be bothered to give him the oxygen...it's the genuine and generous people on here and avforums that help keep me going - had to sell my wife's ring for some cash on there the other day and they've ended up having a whipround...it's like when people on eg were so supportive to my daughter when she attempted suicide and donated in my wife's memory

it's the good people that help me ignore the knobends...

night all

What does a panic/anxiety attack feel like? I had a bad interaction with a customer a short while ago, and soon afterwards my hands started tingling and getting all shaky, I started breathing heavily, and the emotions were just generally out of control for a good 10 minutes or so.

Is that what an anxiety attack is? Obviously it's something I'm going to see a doctor about, but has anyone else had a similar experience?

That definitely sounds like a bit of a panic attack. Definitely talk to someone - a lot of it is recognising the signs and developing coping mechanisms to deal with it.

Definitely sounds like one but always best to speak to a professional.

A panic attack can be really scary and the similarity to what we understand the symptoms of a heart attack to be mean it can ultimately escalate fast in terms of the shortness of breath and the sense of panic. As has been mentioned they do subside, usually very quickly, and the tools to understand and manage them is the best medicine.

quitsking breathing techniques can certainly help and will definitely help a lot of people, although they're actually a slightly outdated technique now. Part of the reason for that is that if someone isn't able to focus on their breathing it can lead to the panic escalating in the moment

Not sure where you're based but does this help at all as a starting point?

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/

yep, quite a lot of remote provision at the moment still

if you mean online via messaging, i had a good set of sessions a few years back via self-referral to the nhs trust - i accessed this via the gp

my daughter has had success with pridecounselling.con - they're based in the usa but there's a lot of flexibility in changing therapists to find one that suits - it's a paid service (there's a discount for financial help) but allows her to access her therapist through regular 'livechat' sessions and 24/7 texts...this suits her as she struggles with awful social anxiety which prevents her from using the phone or zoom

and, yes, the above sounds like a panic attack - there's lots of advice online...getgg is a great resource for selfhelp -a lot of counsellors use their resources

www.getselfhelp.co.uk/panic-self-help/

i remember one i had years ago in morrisons when i couldn't decide which tin of soup to buy...XD

Here you go, depression thread for those that can't find it.

So, thanks to those who replied to me in Random Musings, that was kind of you.

I rang the counsellor last night. They did the "let me do all the talking" and then "so what are you going to do about it" routine. I said I didn't know and that's why I was ringing them.

She said I should go to the doctors and I said they'd either give me pills (always made me much worse unfortunately) or they'd sign me off which if they did I might as well hand my notice in as I've seen how my place deal with 'risks'. She then said quit your job as your health is more important. She is right and I agreed it was, but I wish it was that easy, which is what I said. She advised CBT which you can get self-referral from the NHS. I have done that in the past and found it helped, so might be time to do another course if I can get on one.

I slept very badly last night worrying about work and my marriage. I've tried to snap out of it and see if I can do anything for my wife, but she isn't talking to me which worries me a lot. I spent a couple of hours ironing last night to hopefully do something helpful and also stop me saying or doing anything wrong. My kids (hers from a previous marriage) aren't speaking to me either, but that could I hope just be tiredness (on my part as well as theirs).

Just had a management call (with people I will no longer be working with in the new world order). That was tough. I've helped keep this lot together the last few months and now I'm back off to a crappy job I left 3 years ago. I need to get myself resilient and in a better place again and then I need to look elsewhere.

Replying to the previous thread, I'll look up narcissistic personality disorder. My dad was military and a bit of a drunk and used to hit me a lot. My mum was apparently unloved by her mum so said she didn't know how to love someone else. I'm not looking to Freud my way out of this, but some positivity and praise from them would have helped.

I haven't run since Friday. I'm hoping to today. Depends how my migraine goes and my work day. I intended to take the weekend off anyway, so I've missed one day if I manage today.

I might ring the Samaritans or sane.org or mind, as the counsellor wasn't great (it didn't help that she had a cold and was sniffing constantly. I felt like I was irritating her) and I need to discuss things rather than have them floating about in my head. I am hoping that this is down to my migraine(s) mostly and the change that is happening at work. I know my migraines come from stress though and I'm sat here writing this with a clenched jaw from worry.

I did mindfulness meditation this morning (and a lot last night) and the one this morning helped. It quoted Good Will Hunting: "You'll always have bad times but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to". The last few days has made me appreciate my cats (even if they do come up to me because they want something) and also how much I would miss my family. I just need to win the lottery and get off my face on drugs and everything will be fine.

I've dug out a book called Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Emotional Disorders, which is a lot of big words for "Try CBT and mindfulness for anxiety and depression as they are really good according to the NHS". Its a practical workbook, so I'll download and print out the worksheets and work through it. I'll also keep meditating and get back into exercise. I need to try and get my wife back on side if I can. Hopefully she's not made a decision yet. I've offloaded a lot of the work I have been killing myself with this morning. I doubt it will get done, but that's no longer my problem I've been told. I just need to also figure out what role to pick out of three possibilities (I'm thinking bin the "Operations Manager role that the last two people who did it left with stress", so that makes it two). I might take the insulting but potentially simple "team leader of a team of three with deputising for someone who has less skills and experience than I have" role and coast for once rather than be at the same level as the person and taking on some of their workload. I doubt I've a future here now, so why keep on trying to kill myself?

For today though its try and heal a bit. Think of what I can do for my family and think of what I can do for myself so I'm less of a pain to be around. I wish I could "just be happier" as my wife asked. I really, really dont like being inside my head when I'm like this. I know I suffer from something like depression because theres been moments in my life where I've very briefly felt the joy and happiness that I guess others feel and I've been trying to figure out what is causing it as pills dont help. I've tried diet and exercise and I'm still in Planet Grey. I do know I have some of my dad's personality which isn't great to admit.

Right, thats more than enough. I thought of not posting this and deleting it a few times. I dont want to be a woe is me, but it does help getting it out as I'm going nuts trying to sort it myself. I will also put some leave in. With work being so crazy, I've not had much recently.

Narcissists thrive on making others feel worse than themselves. They've got an idealised version of themselves in their head, "I am very creative", say, that if anything threatens that, like some creative writing their son has done, they can't deal with it and have to knock them down. It's a horrible position to be in, trying to show anything you're proud of to a narcissist, particularly when they're supposed to be the ones who are nurturing you.

There's all sorts of writing on the condition, it's a bit of a contentious subject in psychology as it's not one condition exactly, but the general idea is that narcissistic parents breed either more narcissists or extremely empathic children, who struggle with their emotions by being overwhelmed.

It's not a magic bullet this realisation but it's helped frame my understanding of my family dynamic and given me ways to deal with them.

Sounds like hell. Like you're trying to objectify your way out of issues that you can't measure. Like relationships and your perception of where you stand. One thing I will note is in my experience when in a depressive state I perceive everything as worse than what the reality probably is in terms of other people. Like the councillor sounds like a bit of a dick but it's another person.