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Post by LegendaryApe on Aug 28, 2022 6:47:44 GMT
Was on the toilet last night and turned to see massive black house spider climb down the wall and rapidly approach. It had legs like Kit Kat Chunkys.
Needless to say I left sharpish, and returned armed to relocate it. At which point it ran into the tiny gap between the toilet and the wall.
I gave up.
I had dreams about spiders after going to bed and awoke, determined to rid my toilet of the menace, least my shitting be disturbed again.
So at around 3am I went downstairs, opened the door and there he was, in the middle of the floor, looking smug. But I seized the opportunity and trapped him under my little boy's potty, slid paper underneath and promptly deposited him in the neighbours garden.
Beware. They are among us. Their time...is now
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2022 6:49:32 GMT
I always have spiders. It's mosquitos that are bugging me now.
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Post by Danno on Aug 28, 2022 8:40:01 GMT
Oh Ape, I'm so sorry.
I need to order that there lavender oil
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H-alphaFox
Junior Member
Buy Kramer Coin now!
Posts: 2,287
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Post by H-alphaFox on Aug 28, 2022 9:39:19 GMT
Spiders are cool.
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Post by LegendaryApe on Aug 28, 2022 10:06:15 GMT
I don't mind spiders, I had a tarantula a few years ago. But anything as big as that fucker last night should be in a terrarium or outside.
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Post by ToomuchFluffy on Aug 28, 2022 10:32:31 GMT
Yes, but these large house spiders with their long relatively thick legs and proportionally fat bodies are f***ing creepy. I spent a week back home just now and there is a fat cross spider in front of one of the windows. Fat body, but short legs. It's not anywhere close as scary. Same thing with the random tiny spiders one can come across everywhere and the small cross spiders that are hanging around between some potted plants aren't grossing me out either. It's apparently a different kind of cross spider. Much smaller and the body isn't as fat and differently shaped. Then there's these characteristic looking lengthy spiders that are always making their webs in the plants at the edge of my parent's pond. A common stretch-spider or something like that. de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gemeine_StreckerspinneThere was some big type of spider in an unexpected spot above a cupboard recently. Not a house spider, but I didn't take the time to check what it was. Same issue with long thick legs and relatively fat body. Can't have any mercy on those if they are somewhere in the house. |
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Post by Nemesis on Aug 28, 2022 12:54:21 GMT
I helped one out the window last night. Be kind, they catch flies.
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 28, 2022 15:19:35 GMT
Yeah, I've relocated a few
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 28, 2022 15:19:48 GMT
"relocated"
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 28, 2022 15:20:31 GMT
To the afterlife
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Post by LegendaryApe on Sept 3, 2022 5:44:18 GMT
Another visitor last night, this time in the ensuite. Not quite as big and alarming as the last incident, but was still a bit nervous of an escape as I brought it downstairs and outside to be released into the neighbour's front garden.
Days without incident:0
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2022 6:34:43 GMT
I remember you from last spider season. Brute. One legged it past me as I sat on the throne earlier. Managed to grab him. That’s three this week. |
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Post by Aunt Alison on Sept 3, 2022 7:55:02 GMT
Found one in the bath yesterday. Classic bath spider. Also dead
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mrpon
Junior Member
Posts: 3,729
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Post by mrpon on Sept 3, 2022 7:58:09 GMT
But I seized the opportunity and trapped him under my little boy's potty... Ah! The dutch oven, a classic. Poor blighter. |
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Post by LegendaryApe on Sept 7, 2022 11:16:21 GMT
Another massive fucker, removed from the house.
What's going on, is my house up on a spider version of Air BnB?
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Post by elstoof on Sept 7, 2022 11:22:21 GMT
I had one the other day that was as big as a Louise Bourgeois sculpture. I thought it was going to put a glass over my head and lob me in the garden
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EMarkM
Junior Member
Well, quite...
Posts: 2,150 
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Post by EMarkM on Sept 7, 2022 11:38:40 GMT
Another massive fucker, removed from the house. What's going on, is my house up on a spider version of Air BnB? Sorry, do you want me to stop bringing them 'round? |
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Post by LegendaryApe on Sept 7, 2022 12:09:01 GMT
Another massive fucker, removed from the house. What's going on, is my house up on a spider version of Air BnB? Sorry, do you want me to stop bringing them 'round? Yes please mate, I think we've reached our quota |
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Post by Aunt Alison on Sept 7, 2022 12:10:53 GMT
It's the same one coming back bigger each time. You know what to do
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2022 12:19:46 GMT
Another 2 in the house last night.
Decided I’m going to keep them all until I have enough for some kind of arachnid death match. I’ll even build a wee arena.
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minimatt
Junior Member
hyper mediocrity
Posts: 1,681
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Post by minimatt on Sept 7, 2022 12:40:41 GMT
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Post by Sarfrin on Sept 7, 2022 19:21:34 GMT
Another massive fucker, removed from the house. What's going on, is my house up on a spider version of Air BnB? I heard someone put it on the web. |
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Post by LegendaryApe on Sept 7, 2022 19:22:40 GMT
Another massive fucker, removed from the house. What's going on, is my house up on a spider version of Air BnB? I heard someone put it on the web. Bravo  |
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 23, 2023 7:07:54 GMT
Had to deal with two big bastards in the bath this week. Too big to go down the plug hole as well
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Post by LegendaryApe on Aug 23, 2023 8:40:07 GMT
I had ai make an image of you bathing the spiders in the bath, as that's what I thought of when I read your post. Would you like to see it?
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Bongo Heracles
Junior Member
Technically illegal to ride on public land
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 23, 2023 8:45:09 GMT
I wish I had been quicker with my phone yesterday. I saw a woodlouse crawling across the floor as I was making my coffee and a massive wolf spider ran out from under the fridge towards it and tapped it on the back. The woodlouse turned and started walking towards the spider. It freaked out, span on its 8 heels and ran back under the fridge.
Genuinely one of the funniest things Ive ever seen.
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wunty
Full Member
Pastry Forward
Posts: 6,673
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Post by wunty on Aug 23, 2023 8:45:13 GMT
Had to deal with two big bastards in the bath this week. Too big to go down the plug hole as well /stealth I've got big bollocks post |
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Post by Saul1138 on Aug 23, 2023 8:49:24 GMT
Had to deal with two big bastards in the bath this week. Too big to go down the plug hole as well /stealth I've got big bollocks post I now want to see how you lay in the Bath that your balls cover the plug hole. I know as you get older, they drop lower, but my plug hole would be passed my ankles. |
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wunty
Full Member
Pastry Forward
Posts: 6,673
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Post by wunty on Aug 23, 2023 9:10:14 GMT
If you kneel so that your head is at the non-tap end and raise your bumhole to the shower nozzle. Standard practice for rinsing the old sphincter. That way your nads, if big enough, could conceivably cover the plug hole.
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loto
Junior Member
Posts: 1,040
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Post by loto on Aug 23, 2023 13:26:37 GMT
Woke up to the paper bin overturned and some spider legs nearby. It obviously ran into Martha the cat who is unreliable, but worth her weight in gold when she can be bothered.
I will relocate them if possible, but can’t rest if they scuttle under the settee
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