NaNoWriMo

Talking of nonsense: wfai-nano23.blogspot.com/2023/11/part-i-cycle-iii-scene-v.html

What helped today was firing through 1K before leaving for work. I seem to write faster in the morning. Then it was just a case of topping off but without that pressure of a daily word goal to meet from scratch, which ended up I was able to write more, easier. If that makes sense.

And puttying my money where my mouth is, I’ll continue reading your story, because I really want to know what’s up with that painting.





Part I - Cycle III - Scene V





ARGH! Right into the aftermath you bastard!

However, this was the right thing to do. What is on that blasted picture is not as important as the effect it has on Adam. We are also back at the bottom of the stairwell, the metaphor that is a integral part of this story and we already saw it in that other picture where it had hidden in the scene before.



The transition to the aftermath with Adam walking(?) through the rain soaked street works really well here it is a good backdrop for his recollection of what happened.

This is another thing you do really well, you do construct situations where the surroundings environment has a strong resonance with what is happening to Adam or where his thoughts are wandering.





“ Ivy draped down from exposed beams in the ceiling.”

Another nice bit and something I forgot to comment on in my last writeup, ivy the plant does appear hear and there encroaching on the scene but there also seems to be a person named Ivy. I like that and also how it made me pause for a moment when I was confused as Adam (in a good way) when considering if I had misread or was just imagining things.



I love the “dialogue” he has with his memories. I really enjoy seeing these snippets of memories and how they seem to be coming together. Adam is one suspicious protagonist. I think one thing that elevates your story far above badly conceived “mystery box” bullshit is, that all the floating parts fit together. I get the impression that I get, if not a clearer picture an increasingly better feeling of the situation. And you keep adding little bits and bobs of what happened in the past. I am enjoying that very much.

Also now that I have read more of the story I am starting to get a grip on what the main strand is, that helps me establishing a stable perspective from which I can interpret the rest of the story.



Ah, so it is the staircase in the painting. By the way very good choice to have Adam crash and burn first, the limp home and this slowly dawning on him. The effect the picture has is indeed more important that what is actually depicted and having Adam slowly coming to terms with what he saw and what it may mean is a much better way of telling this story than the other way round. Good work.



The drive towards his home is stressful and mirrors well Adam’s state of mind.



And when I read how the envelope was addressed I was already seeing where this was going and then the glitter.





Holy. Shit.



This one was really good and it is one of these chapters where everything that went before comes together nicely.

Very, very good work.

Thank you so much the brilliant feedback, it really helps. 

The main problem is time - but that is manageable.

But yeah, I have no real idea where the story is going. I want some 'weird' to happen and move it along. 

I am trying to break through, and hopefully will post an update this evening.

sunjumper more awesome feedback! I don't know if I can be as awesome with my feedback but I AM very much enjoying your story a lot, and it is flowing and reading very well. It's very easy to just get lost in reading it. I'm going to read your new part later on as I've just finished my writing and owe the wife an episode of something on the telly.

My new bit: wfai-nano23.blogspot.com/2023/11/part-i-cycle-iii-scene-vi.html

Kind of back in this story now and when I'm in the middle of something I find it quite easy to just write and lose myself in it. The danger is I get too wordy but I kind of enjoy this time when the flowing is easier as I'm kind of understanding what's going on and where it's going. I think.Approaching the 15K mark now so I'm building up a bit of grace for this part of the month.

This scene follows on directly from the last scene in that it's a flashback prompted by the sight of the card that Adam was holding in the previous scene. Hopefully starting to add a bit more flesh to what was essentially the pivotal "day" that set a lot of what we are seeing on motion. More of which I'll unveil later. Unless I forget. Which is quite likely. 

That was a great read. I’ll think on it and say more tomorrow. I like how smoothly everything unfolded there and there was a good bit of comedy in the first part as they tried to get Walter to the door, and afterwards. I could picture it all very vividly.

Some more thoughts but they are spartan as - I freely admit - I'm shit at feedback but wanted to raise a few bits. 

One thing I wasn't sure of:



Is that meant to read Natalie, not Cara?

I meant to ask as well. I'm getting the impression that this is the future, but a future that relies on pre-electric technology and means. On our planet. Is that right? Or is it a kind of skewed fantasy version of earth? Or am I not meant to know yet?

I like all the styles you have mentioned. Are these real or a product of your imagination? I feel like you are able to convey a lot of history and (like I said before) world building very quickly. It's very impressive how immersive the story is becoming. The characters are already sketched quite vividly as well and our protagonist is very likeable and excitable. Hope to read more soon. 

Thank you very much for the feedback! It helps a lot as the things I am mostly worried about right now are the pacing first and the sad excuse for a "plot" second.

Yes, you are right Walter is talking to Natalie, not Cara. I kept confusing the two in that scene as Natalie was mostly the focus of the scene while my actual protagonist, was busy being sheepish.





So it's roughly 60ish years in our own future. Mostly to invoke the feeling of the novels I'm trying to emulate.



Regarding your story, don't be shy, I know the truth, I read it in the other thread, you are writing the origin story of Pyramid Head!

Don't worry, you are discovering as you are writing it. Enjoy the ride. 
I really like your nightmare list, it is very evocative.



I need to write more today. 
Will try to catch up to the rest of you and give some more feedback later.

My method is to pretend I only have to write 500 words a day!

nano2023immortal.blogspot.com/2023/11/day-8.html

Sorry about the sloppy tenses. Also sorry I'm not giving any feedback yet, but I'm hugely enjoying your work.

Wunty, you're writing is very impressive - if you're winging this then it really doesn't show, it's a great read.

Finally, I can get back to reading your story!


Day 7
Five lines and Alex is already metaphorically and literally a giant wanker. This is such a perfect description of a self-absorbed asshole.
I’m deeply impressed by this opening. Especially because you just show and let the situation speak for itself, while most other authors would have told.


This whole scene is incredible.
You somehow manage to have some douche-bro, edge lord embedded in some weird Lovecraftian situation, which to my great surprise works perfectly and now that I have read it, makes perfect sense.

Never mind your word count. The quality is here. And even if this just remains a collection of fragments, you have already won.

In a really fascinating way, your work and that of Wunty are perfect counterparts. You both are writing horror stories that grow out of the mundane, where Wunty’s work feels like some deep horror which is hiding behind a mundane veneer, your story really stresses the horror that is already inside our mundane world and dives into the horror from there.



Day 8
And then the world went insane.

Another great scene. You always pull me into the situation with your writing, I would like to write more about it just worked.
It was not surprising to see Greg being on the same kind of ride that Alex was, the light going out also worked well, especially as at this point in the story it is still utterly unclear what is actually happening but it does add a creepy quality to everything. Which leads to the revelation at the very end of the scene were everything goes insane. In a good way.



Just keep going, ignore the word count and just see where your story leads you to. Even if it turns out to be an unfinished project, your scenes are great and your work is already paying off.

Shit man I really like where this is going. Yeah don't get hung up on the word count. Any words are good words. It's great, keep at it. I think it's very much shaping up to be my kind of thing. You're bloody good at cliffhangers!

This on the other hand is a scene that doesn't need to exist but I ended up writing it anyway. My notes just said "Adam goes back to his apartment".

wfai-nano23.blogspot.com/2023/11/part-i-cycle-iii-scene-viii.html


/shrug

First of all many, many thanks for your feedback, it helps me a lot. The last scene was important, however as I was writing it and it became longer and longer and longer, I had the increasing fear that it was outstaying its welcome and that I was slowly succumbing to the vice of so many “action” focused stories, which is over describing combat scenes, turning something fast and exiting into a horrible slog.



I am relieved that its still working as a story and your words help both my motivation and inspiration going.







And let’s have a look at your new entry.



Part I - Cycle III - Scene VIII



You certainly made the most out of "Adam goes back to his apartment".



I like how you resolved the cliff hanger with the tiger, how it keeps stalking Adam.

The way how the world beyond the park was perfectly normal again for a while but once Adam enters his house he descends back into his strange nightmare world.



Just to name a few other things your story reminds me of: the movie “Jacob’s Ladder”, the game “Sanitarium” and the podcasts “Welcome to Night Vale” and “Alice isn’t dead.”.



I’m still enjoying the ride, this was mostly a bridging chapter but the introduction of the tiger is important. It again increases the number of puzzle pieces that start to slot into the story. Adam is obviously haunted by something. Be it his own guilt, his illusion of guilt or some outside force feeding on it. It also helps getting closer to the core of Adam whose main problem is his pride and envy but his deeper seated desperation is fed by fear and guilt.



And like the ivy and glitter, the mud plays a central role in all of this.



Reflecting on the story and your list of inspirations it would be really interesting if the people who are “all dead”, are all dead in Adam’s mind because he abandoned them in one way or another, instead of them being actually dead.

It certainly would be the more interesting kind of drama growing out of this story because the hell Adam is living in seems to be of his own creation and having to recon with the fact that he was an asshole and that what it was what “killed” all of his connections would make a far more compelling narrative than these people actually being dead.



Also having a malevolent force encouraging this behaviour of his and feeding from his paranoia, anger, self-loathing etc… would work really well. (In this case it might also be interesting if the creature isn’t actually malevolent but started as a neutral force, maybe one Adam call himself, that was corrupted by the more unsavoury parts of Adams character.)



And stuff…

It was driving me insane that we hadn't met the lord-bishop yet.


Now we do and chapter 3 is finally almost done. Next time I will not do an old school title...

wunty

Happy to hear that the feedback helps. At one point I was wondering if I was not drifting too far into the endless sea of pretentious bullshit, but then I thought, that a life commentary to the stuff one writes is often helpful as it reflects the story back helping with developing ideas, identifying open questions etc...
Even in the worst case scenario when the feedback is pure bullshit one at least now knows for a fact that there are several points that aren`t a problem.

Talking about feedback... I could have just read you new entry before writing all of the above. Ah well I double post it'll be.