nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Nov 1, 2021 18:49:07 GMT
I'm in a similar position. Mortgage ends about the same age. My job no longer exists and I've got to agree another role which looks like it will be junior and something I don't want to do. That's after working my ass off the last few months. I am suffering badly from stress, my mental health sucks and my marriage is being affected. I'm not sure my wife wants to be with me at the moment. I need another job, but last time I went for one, the company pulled it the month before and I'm concerned that my mental health is no longer good enough to deal with the pressure of finding and then dealing with a new place. I'm going to ring a counselor. Drs are no use as they'd either give me pills to make me a zombie or put me off with stress and if they did either, I might as well tell my company I can't cope (despite their mental health policy). I've seen them do it to another person recently. Anyway, best I keep on putting one foot in front of the other and I'll see how things go. I'm trying to keep away from the rest of the family at the moment in case I do or say something that will make things worse. Still, there are people on this forum who are far worse off, so I should stfu. Tldr please ignore this. I'm a bit close to the edge (hopefully migraine, but if my wife's opinion of me is correct, then it's probably that I'm just a miserable, bad tempered so and so). Just needed to get it out as otherwise I'll cry. I recognise a lot of myself in what you’ve written there. The realisation that you have the stress is a good thing to be fair - plenty people don’t even get that far. That was part of my problem until I figured it out. I was having a phone appointment with the dental hospital as I had been diagnosed with a chronic pain condition affecting my jaw and face. They asked me if I had a stressful job and I was explaining Nono didn’t when it hit me that actually yes all my stress comes from that. So recognise it and do something that benefits only you for a while. You have the right to be happy. I went back to a childhood hobby abs started making plastic models in spare time at work. It’s being great for giving me something outside house and work. You also have the right to be supported in your unhappiness - your wife should be doing that even though you’re bad tempered. We do not for them and that’s a full time job amirite lads eh? Eh?
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Post by Danno on Nov 1, 2021 18:50:23 GMT
What Jambo said. Find yourself a private half hour and blub.
If you can spare the dough then some private therapy sounds like it's in order.
I'm due a few sessions myself now that I reflect on the last few weeks.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Nov 1, 2021 18:55:58 GMT
I had hypnosis therapy which helps but cost a bloody fortune and it all got knocked on the head when COVID hit. I used to go about once every two months but would happily go once a week if I could afford it.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Nov 1, 2021 19:02:59 GMT
My boy just asked me how you eat a Barrats Dip Dab, having aquired a few last night in his Halloween haul. Goddamn kids don't know they're born these days.
(I love them really)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2021 19:04:34 GMT
Thank you and sorry for this. I have a medical insurance that provides up to 8 sessions of counselling. I've rung them once already this evening to give them my details and have to ring again to tell them my issues and be assessed. So far I've just said I've got a very stressful job which is impacting my mental health and marriage, the former to the point where I've wondered if everyone would not be etc. Last few months I've been doing 3 people's jobs. One of those was my boss and friend who died. I was working really hard to keep the place going for him. Another mate also died a fortnight ago. Before that we had a lot of redundancies (Covid hit us hard) and those of us remaining had to work harder. Before that I was doing my previous boss's job and my own for a couple of years before his boss realised and sacked him. Before that I was doing a role that broke the next 4 who tried it. They want me back in that area now.
My wife has been supportive up until she got a job she didn't like 6 weeks ago. She's now suffering and is far less tolerant of me. I've been supporting her as we need the money and everything is a bit tight. I nearly had a panic attack the other week while in the supermarket trying to figure out what was the cheapest fruit. Anyway, I'll ring these people and see. I hope its a migraine, but my wife is using the word "always" a lot when talking about my mood. I dont think that is fair as I know we laugh a lot and I know I am supportive a lot, or at least I thought that was the case. I work very hard (I've just logged back onto work now because of an issue) doing a job I no longer like to support my family and its breaking me. This evening my wife was saying she could go back to her parents. I get the impression she wanted me to say yes so it wasn't her fault.
Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll get a grip. I'm just a bit worried about things at the moment and I've no friends outside work that I can talk to this about.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2021 19:05:38 GMT
My boy just asked me how you eat a Barrats Dip Dab, having aquired a few last night in his Halloween haul. Goddamn kids don't know they're born these days. (I love them really) I assume you're talking about the Dip Dab in the last bracketed sentence?
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Post by Jambowayoh on Nov 1, 2021 19:18:51 GMT
Again, saying things like "sorry" and "I need to get a grip" are unhelpful for you personally. I've been there mate, trying to wash things over and apologizing for feeling things is the root of all destruction don't do that to yourself. Be kind to yourself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2021 19:20:00 GMT
Rang the counselors again. I told them I had a reference number. He ignored that and asked me all the same questions the first guy asked me and then told me there was no one to take my call and they'd call me later (no idea when). Didn't ask for my reference number at any point, though I reminded him about it twice more, and ended the call telling me to "have a good day now", which gave the impression he'd not taken in a word I said. I guess they know I'm not about to complain to my manager or HR about the rubbish service I got when I rang the "I can't cope" line. Oh well, thats enough from me for one day. I'm going to log off and iron.
[edit] @jambo Thanks. Without getting into it too deeply, my parents were not great at raising me (never once told me they loved me nor hugged me), but were good at pointing out my flaws, and still do. I was a pretty ugly kid at school, so there were also plenty of people to reinforce that view. When I did a personal awareness course as part of counselling training, one of the instructors pointed out to me I was very quick to knock myself and that I wasn't very kind to myself. Over the years, I've tried, but I still think its all my fault and that I'm not good enough deep down. I struggle with self gratitude meditations. Anyway, that really is enough sharing. I really appreciate this though. I am worried or I wouldn't have shared and I'm sat here with chest and arm pains due to the stress.
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Post by Danno on Nov 1, 2021 19:26:16 GMT
I've no friends outside work that I can talk to this about. Got Fontgeek. Can PM me if you like.
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cubby
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Post by cubby on Nov 1, 2021 19:59:55 GMT
Witchking sounds like your parents have narcissistic personality disorder.
When I realised that's what my brother has it was like a light bulb went off and explained so much of my childhood. If you haven't already I'd recommend looking into it to get a handle on what happened.
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dogbot
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Post by dogbot on Nov 1, 2021 21:51:19 GMT
quitsking no specific advice, but just to echo what others have said. You're amongst friends here. Don't bottle things up and don't feel like you have to struggle alone. For all the jokes and fucking around, there's a good community of folks here who seem to genuinely give a shit.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Nov 1, 2021 22:21:25 GMT
I know it's difficult but always try and think of positive thing you got. From my count having a family, more importantly a family that love you in the here and now is the most important thing you got above everything. Someone even wanted to marry you, that a big positive right there. I have none of that going on so you're doing better than someone else. Win.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2021 22:27:53 GMT
quitsking I'll echo the others and never feel bad about posting. You're never alone with these struggles. I'm like a fucking yoyo just now. You'll always find people on here willing to listen and offer support. Sometimes just writing it is good, as you say. It gets it out your head and makes it real, which then helps your mind tackle it better. Still running?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2021 22:29:00 GMT
I'll marry you Jambo.
But bagsy you're the one that has to tell my wife.
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Post by retro74 on Nov 1, 2021 22:32:27 GMT
What happened to the CV from the nightmare woman that was promised pages ago?
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Frog
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Post by Frog on Nov 1, 2021 22:33:32 GMT
Move him in with you Wunty, the wife will get an extra sausage to play with and it will all be tickety boo.
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Post by Danno on Nov 1, 2021 22:36:48 GMT
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Post by Jambowayoh on Nov 1, 2021 22:38:25 GMT
I'll marry you Jambo. But bagsy you're the one that has to tell my wife. Hmmm, are you hairy? Jokes aside I've learnt to be ok with being single currently, better be single than in a terrible relationship. Anyway you never know what's around the corner. Anyway, are you hairy?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2021 22:40:17 GMT
I don't have to be.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Nov 1, 2021 22:44:18 GMT
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Onny
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Post by Onny on Nov 1, 2021 22:55:22 GMT
quitsking: Sounds like you’re going through some extremely tough times. Have you tried the Samaritans? Their number is 116 123. They are associated with suicidal thoughts but actually are willing to provide a listening, non-judgemental ear for any emotional distress. And they’re available 24/7. You’ve obviously already contacted a counselling service (or attempted to at least), which is great - but obviously you’re not quite getting the assistance you’d like or expect. Hopefully things with them will be resolved soon and you can get some help, but in the meantime have you tried sane.org.uk? They provide emotional support (although it seems it’s a callback service right now). Additionally, mind.org.uk can provide information on other services you can contact to help you out. I know it’s safer to think things will blow over and you just need to “get a grip”; but everybody needs help sometimes. And hey these have been a fairly exceptional few years in terms of stress!
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Post by Jambowayoh on Nov 1, 2021 22:56:35 GMT
Good bunch of people on this forum.
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Post by Aunt Alison on Nov 1, 2021 23:04:26 GMT
'Get a grip' is probably the least helpful thing you could tell yourself, as is trying to play down your emotions. Onny's post is great - make use of all the help available to you and always talk to someone. Don't apologise for yourself or feel like you're bothering people
I don't usually post on these things because I don't think I can give people the support they need but I do like you Witchking and you seem like a good person. Take care of yourself
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Post by Danno on Nov 1, 2021 23:36:42 GMT
'Get a grip' is probably the least helpful thing you could tell yourself, as is trying to play down your emotions. This. It's unhelpful nonsense perpetrated by people that either haven't had to face such problems, or refuse to face them. You're doing the right thing WK. Get those sessions and again, if you just want to vent you can PM me and I'll even let you phone me
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hedben
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Post by hedben on Nov 2, 2021 18:33:58 GMT
I don't get out much these days, but I've been coming to a local Wetherspoons for an hour each week - because I need somewhere to hang out while my daughter's at "Rainbows" (precursor to Brownies).
How the fuck can Timmy Brexit Martin subsidise his beer so heavily? There are 99p pints, 99p spirit and mixer, glasses of wine for less than 2 quid- it's like when I was at uni 20 years ago. Can't quite believe it when I'd got used to 4 quid a pint at all the places I used to go after work.
I mean- the atmosphere is shite, it's full of local wankers, and I'm pretty sure every surface and every punter's snotrag is breeding interesting new covid variants for us Brits to collectively ignore- but I can see why it's never empty.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2021 18:37:19 GMT
I think he buys all the stock close to it's expiration date so gets it at a massive discount.
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Post by 😎 on Nov 2, 2021 18:39:46 GMT
Also the ol' watering down trick.
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Post by dfunked on Nov 2, 2021 18:41:52 GMT
He personally pisses in every barrel of Carling. Not that you'd know...
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Post by Danno on Nov 2, 2021 18:47:41 GMT
I don't get out much these days, but I've been coming to a local Wetherspoons for an hour each week - because I need somewhere to hang out while my daughter's at "Rainbows" (precursor to Brownies). How the fuck can Timmy Brexit Martin subsidise his beer so heavily? There are 99p pints, 99p spirit and mixer, glasses of wine for less than 2 quid- it's like when I was at uni 20 years ago. Can't quite believe it when I'd got used to 4 quid a pint at all the places I used to go after work. I mean- the atmosphere is shite, it's full of local wankers, and I'm pretty sure every surface and every punter's snotrag is breeding interesting new covid variants for us Brits to collectively ignore- but I can see why it's never empty. Economy of scale lets him haggle with the breweries, and then aggressive cost cutting - no Sky sports, no music, no entertainment other than fruities (which generate a cut for the premises), everything else e.g.food is garbage and absolutely no chance of workers being over minimum wage - does enough to keep things so cheap that it profits via sheer volume of scum willing to drink there. ETA: not you Hedben.
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cubby
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Post by cubby on Nov 2, 2021 18:50:08 GMT
I have it on good authority that the only thing on the food menu that isn't microwaved are the burgers. Although they might have found a way to do microwave them by now.
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