We come in peace from the Wasteland (the .it forum) | ITA

Poor kids.

Pizza is only really cheese on toast though, isn't it?

Sorry Francio I don't actually speak Italian (i'm Scottish). Is that "I like your avatar"?

If so, then thanks

We do have a Pizza without mozzarella, because no, you don't just put cheese on pizza. It has to be mozzarella: only exceptions allowed if you ADD the cheese on the mozzarella or if you order a Siciliana which is just with tomato sauce, grated pecorino cheese and anchovies.



Now, moving back to the sacred topic of "how do you make pasta", here is a very quick guide in 10 steps.

STEP 1: check your ID and confirm you are italian. If you are not, then follow this link 
STEP 2: now that you are actually allowed to cook pasta, have some water boiling. Does not matter how, as long as it is boiling.
STEP 3: with your outstanding gesture skills, put the pasta in the boiling water. Use a spoon to move it around if it is spaghetti, until they soften and you can submerge them all.
STEP 4: add salt. Just a tiny bit of salt. The correct unit of measurement is the "italian enthusiasm for paying taxes". So add 2-3 italian enthusiasm for paying taxes worth of salt. 
STEP 5: read on the box for how long does the pasta need to be cooking. If you can't find it look for the clock. If there's no clock and you can't read it, go back to STEP 1
STEP 6: taste the pasta. If you like it "al dente" you'll probably want to remove it from the fire earlier. Ristoranti (restaurants) will always serve you pasta "al dente". If you don't like pasta al dente it's fine too. If you like pasta overcooked then you are probably a demon out of Doom and will be dealt with accordingly.
STEP 7: "scola la pasta", remove the water with the help of a colander. Then put the pasta back into the pot or, better, into a pan. 
STEP 8: add sauce and seasoning. Mix everything together over medium heat. If you have no sauce ready, there are at least 1000 different way to make one for your pasta, and you should know at least 10 of them or your neighbors will never want to be your guests. If neighbors are annoying, pretend you don't remember how to do Carbonara, Norma nor Amatriciana. They won't even greet you down the stairs.
STEP 9: sit at your table, where you will have plate, cutlery, glass and wine ready to assist you. Instead of wine it is perfectly acceptable to drink water or soft drinks like a Coke. Fruit Juice will be met with stares but not openly vetoed. Anything milk based is against our Constitution, you have the right to have a lawyer but in Italy if you don't have one you don't receive one for free. We'll find someone and you'll have to pay him anyway. And he'll probably won't be happy to defend you, you white-stuff-for-lunch drinking monster
STEP 10: now you're thinking with pasta. Buon appetito. 

I quote every single syllable and even the blank spaces of this Saggio's post.

Also you kids are awesome and I wish I could speak Italian

BWONZJOURNO

Glad I'm not the only one that thought that.

You ketchup chumps are making us look bad in front of our sexy new Italian friends.

Is it ever acceptable to use biccheri when referring to a wine glass or is calice the only choice?

Otto anni, ma non constamente per gli ultimi due anni quindi ho dimenticato un po’.

Calice?... Who the fuck is Calice?

@mods Get these dudes a subforum that I can spy on through a long lens, stat!

Is this the start of a protection racket?

Yes, but the crucial point is that it was without ketchup.