Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 15:05:44 GMT
You mean the pilot letting me have a go flying? It happened. It was back in the late 80's and as I say was part of an air experience day. I also had a ship experience day where I got to pilot a frigate (as did everyone else on the experience), before they went into evasive maneuveurs as tornadoes did approach runs, but as that mostly involved me feeling sick and as the "piloting" was mostly saying "make your heading xxx, aye sir; made my heading xxx sir" I didn't mention that.
Whatever you might think it did happen. The navigator's seat was to my right rear hand side about 1-2 meters away and he was the guy giving me course and height changes (I didn't change speed), the pilot was stood by the door with other people in flight gear to my left. There was no one in the seat to my left. The rest of the guys on the experience were behind me. I have thought since that I doubt that these days that they would do something like that due to all the safety side of things, but we were high up and there were people nearby who could have dealt with things had I made a mistake.
As I say, it felt utterly amazing and I thought the whole flying thing was one of the best moments of my life as it felt so incredible. If it makes you feel better thinking I'm telling lies, then feel free. I'm not, but you know best.
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Post by jimnastics on Aug 31, 2021 15:06:16 GMT
Sounds like the time my mate was late for work, living in Brighton around 2005 while the Labour Party conference was on. Carl was running along the seafront with a rucksack on his back, and Carl is mixed race so sort of swarthy and at the time had a shaved head. Terrorism was high on people’s minds back then, so while he was running along he started wondering why an increasing number of people were shooting at him, then screaming at him to stop, until he noticed the multiple sniper lasers trained on him and it clicked. After he got restrained and the police emptied his rucksack full of dirty clothes out for a rummage they let him back in his way Kinda but not really related, I had a fat mate who started jogging to try and lose weight and, for some reason, started wearing a bin bag on top of his clothes to make him sweat more. He went out for a jog one night and ended up not far behind a female jogger, who turned and took one look at him, then started sprinting off. The next week in the local paper there was a police notice for information on a man dressed in a bin liner who had chased a woman down the road, he took it upon himself to go to the police station to explain the situation. |
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Post by Dougs on Aug 31, 2021 15:15:45 GMT
Similar story to els, one of my house mates at uni had pulled and stayed on campus - they left early doors but before they did, they raided the fridge for some milk and snacks. He was stopped by the police after running across the dual carriageway nearby, with the police convinced he was running as he was a dealer and asking where he'd ditched the gear. They didn't believe his explanation that it was just foodstuffs for the hangover
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 15:16:32 GMT
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I suggest you try it.
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Post by elstoof on Aug 31, 2021 15:17:17 GMT
Did everyone else at least get a pirate hat in their goodie bag at the and
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 15:23:23 GMT
When I was little I turned into an Apache helicopter and killed Saddam Hussein. They did a story about it in the paper.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 15:24:25 GMT
Did everyone else at least get a pirate hat in their goodie bag at the and As I said, I was the one who volunteered and as for the plastic sword and hat, I've no idea what happened to them as I was grabbed and dragged off the plane. That bit wasn't fun at all and was a cock up. I figure I was supposed to have been briefed about it so I knew what to say and so I was expecting it. There were about 6 of us on the experience day which they did often. I also went on an air refueling experience, but sitting in the back of a Victor Tanker for most of the time was a bit dull. The Falklands aside from a few moments were the crappest 4 months of my life, so I took whatever I could to get off them. There was an option to go on a 4 day patrol with the infantry which I had my name down for and then bottled when it came up and you could also go to South Georgia at your midterm point, but instead I took landrover hire for two days and saw Stanley. I wish I'd gone to South Georgia and gone on the patrol in hindsight as they would have been experiences. |
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Post by elstoof on Aug 31, 2021 15:28:36 GMT
Another sniper related incident, a guy I used to work with who was very paranoid told me about when he was walking through Brent Cross shopping centre, he looked down and saw a red dot on his chest, right on his heart, then disappeared. He looks back down and there it is again, it can only be one thing, so he's looking up in the balcony above for the shooter who's aiming for him, the red dot keeps reappearing, trained directly at his heart. He can't sight the sniper ao he does what any sensible person would do in the situation - he dives into the nearest shop it's an Ann Summers, straight into the window display, pulls the mannequins and clothes, signs, everything he can on top of him. Laying there, safely covered in camouflage, there's no longer a direct line of fire. He looks down and there's the fucking red dot, how's this possible? At this point he realises it's the mobile phone LED flashing in his shirt pocket and it's running out battery, the daft cunt
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neilka
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Post by neilka on Aug 31, 2021 15:33:08 GMT
Hello all. I’m Ascari from GTHD.
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 31, 2021 15:33:18 GMT
Sounds like a guilty conscience
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Post by Danno on Aug 31, 2021 15:42:48 GMT
Sounds like the time my mate was late for work, living in Brighton around 2005 while the Labour Party conference was on. Carl was running along the seafront with a rucksack on his back, and Carl is mixed race so sort of swarthy and at the time had a shaved head. Terrorism was high on people’s minds back then, so while he was running along he started wondering why an increasing number of people were shooting at him, then screaming at him to stop, until he noticed the multiple sniper lasers trained on him and it clicked. After he got restrained and the police emptied his rucksack full of dirty clothes out for a rummage they let him back in his way Kinda but not really related, I had a fat mate who started jogging to try and lose weight and, for some reason, started wearing a bin bag on top of his clothes to make him sweat more. He went out for a jog one night and ended up not far behind a female jogger, who turned and took one look at him, then started sprinting off. The next week in the local paper there was a police notice for information on a man dressed in a bin liner who had chased a woman down the road, he took it upon himself to go to the police station to explain the situation. Got a good laugh out of me there |
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anephric
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Post by anephric on Aug 31, 2021 15:46:00 GMT
All these sniper stories are making me jealous. Aside from some Turkish soldiers pointing their rifles at me when me and THE LADS drunkenly took a wrong turn thinking we were going to a military museum in Istanbul but it was an actual military base, the only other time was:
I was asked by the deputy chief inspector at my old job if I wanted to come on an MOD jolly. It was something to do with discussing with GCHQ how vulnerable mass transit systems are to terrorist attack (exceedingly very and there's not much you can do). Anyhoo, after the dep CI gave his talk, they showed us around and you had to wear specific colour hi-viz in specific areas of the compound. When we went up on the roof they told us if we weren't wearing orange that day, we'd get shot as there were two snipers who had us in view.
There was more to it than that, I can't remember all the details, there was some Billy Big Bollocks posturing going on.
I've also picked a human finger out of a rubbish bin before when the staff at the maintenance depot didn't know what to do with it: they were cleaning off a wheelset after a fatality and we rocked up for something else related to the incident and some guy asked very sheepishly what was the procedure if they found more than just blood.
I put my storm coat over a decapitated human head once after an extremely upset lady complained her son could see it from his bedroom window and had had a fit because it was staring right at him. It was pulling a rather unpleasant face.
I've got loads of these stories, I bet they're dying to hear them on Reddit r/ghouls.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 15:58:05 GMT
Aren't you talc balls as well? Quite they life you have.
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anephric
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Post by anephric on Aug 31, 2021 16:00:17 GMT
A rich tapestry of well-talced scrotums and arguing with coroners over body parts. And getting shot at by travellers because they don't want to know their mate died on a private level crossing trying to burgle a farmhouse.
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 31, 2021 16:01:16 GMT
You can just tell us you're a serial killer instead of making up stories to discuss your trophies
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 16:05:06 GMT
Can the mods give him Talc Balls as a tag please.
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anephric
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Post by anephric on Aug 31, 2021 16:07:21 GMT
I don't do that job any more so am not bound by any professional conduct standards, so I can and will be as glib as I like.
I got told a story once by a nameless environmental contractor (which is now part of a large Brazilian conglomerate so not hard to figure out) about his first fatality where he was literally just around the corner and was first to respond, before police etc. The body was steaming and still spasming. He got bored waiting for the police and still had a cone of chips in his hand, so passed the time trying to throw chips in the corpse's opening/closing mouth.
That's disgustingly unprofessional, btw, I'm just relaying the story. He told me much more vile ones than that.
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 31, 2021 16:11:18 GMT
Can the mods give him Talc Balls as a tag please. And relate the story. And whatever it is about putting spoons of butter in things |
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Post by britesparc on Aug 31, 2021 16:19:34 GMT
I was also insulted by Jeffrey Archer, I guess. Terry Pratchett once called me strange. See, I'd take that. That's quite cool. And Pratchett is several orders of magnitude better than Archer, in every way. Also all these violent stories have reminded me of something my cousin told me. It may or may not be true (probably isn't). He's a bit older and a lot harder than me, and once said that he went to a very dodgy pub in Middlesbrough called the Steam Packet, and when he was sat at the bar some bloke came over and asked if he wanted to see inside his bag. My cousin said sure, and inside was a bunch of ears. Like I said, probably not true, but I've led a far more sheltered life. |
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jono62
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Post by jono62 on Aug 31, 2021 16:33:48 GMT
I was walking along the Kings Road with a mate. We get a takeaway McDonald's and as we leave he says 'Look there's Elle Macpherson'. So we walk quite briskly to catch up with her. He speaks to her saying how nice she is, etc. I got flustered and said 'Big Mac?' and shoved it in her face. She declined.
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Post by mcgeeza on Aug 31, 2021 16:46:24 GMT
Not sure this counts as crazy, but I took part in my own real life comedy sketch once:
All-inclusive holiday in Turkey about 10 years ago.
Nine of us (wife, 3 kids and both sets of parents).
I'm blonde and blue-eyed so could be mistaken for German.
Went for dinner in the hotel.
I was 'reserving' the table while everyone else went to the buffet.
Turkish waiter appears over my right shoulder carrying a basket of napkins in one hand and a pair of tongs in the other.
'How many?' he says.
I quickly do the math, and reply 'nine'.
The waiter nods and walks away to the next table.
I sit there for about 10 seconds with a confused look on my face before I realise what had happened.
Maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was funny. Only thing that could have improved it was if the waiter was a blacked-up Ronnie Corbett with a big bushy moustache.
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Post by elstoof on Aug 31, 2021 16:52:40 GMT
“Reserving” a table at an all inclusive buffet sets you at as more German than the hair ever would
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Post by Aunt Alison on Aug 31, 2021 16:53:17 GMT
Have you got any photographic or video evidence that this took place
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hedben
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Post by hedben on Aug 31, 2021 17:04:03 GMT
I was first on scene at a fatal car crash once, and there was a human foot in the road, severed just above the ankle, with sock and trainer still on.
I'm not a paramedic or anything (they see far worse), I was just on holiday in a cottage and the crash happened right on the road next to it.
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Post by mcgeeza on Aug 31, 2021 17:05:58 GMT
“Reserving” a table at an all inclusive buffet sets you at as more German than the hair ever would  There were nine of us. If you see a table that seats nine at a busy time of day you claim it. German or not. At least I didn't throw any towels down... |
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Post by vicedestroyer on Aug 31, 2021 17:20:44 GMT
I don't do that job any more so am not bound by any professional conduct standards, so I can and will be as glib as I like. I got told a story once by a nameless environmental contractor (which is now part of a large Brazilian conglomerate so not hard to figure out) about his first fatality where he was literally just around the corner and was first to respond, before police etc. The body was steaming and still spasming. He got bored waiting for the police and still had a cone of chips in his hand, so passed the time trying to throw chips in the corpse's opening/closing mouth. That's disgustingly unprofessional, btw, I'm just relaying the story. He told me much more vile ones than that. Thread delivers. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2021 17:55:52 GMT
A couple of years back I was backpacking Asia. Met a friend in Hai Phong, explored a bit. When we got to Da Nann I decided to take a couple of days solo and ride to Hue along the Laos border.
Looked at the map, read the reviews etc and they all said you will have the road to yourself. So I hire a shitty scooter, argue with the guy as I was promised a decent one and this had bald tires etc. But I thought fuck it, what is the worst that can happen.
I start riding, a few hours in stop for a meal and loved it. Started to climb the mountains, it was hot and I promised myself next shop I saw I would buy some water...
3 hours later in 35 degree weather I am still riding. Feeling dizzy, dehydrated and I honestly had not seen a car for 2 hours. Started getting a bit worried... then fucking goat runs out of nowhere, I brake, and just fucking slide. Ended up on the side of the freeway with no skin on one knee. A nice white patella showing with quite a bit of blood. I just sat there crying for a while, honestly thought I was dead. In open sun, injured, scooter fucked... after a few minutes I literally slapped myself a few times, climbed up and back on the bike. Luckily it started. And I started to ride just praying for a car or a house.
And 50m around the next corner I come across some houses. I pull in, found some people, women screamed when they saw my leg, I drank lots of water. No one spoke English but after a while they asked me to follow them. On my scooter... so I look down, probably lost a pint of blood (was continously bleeding, but not heavy) jumped back on the scooter and rode 5 miles to a hospital. On the way I got dizzy and fell off again, this time broke my toe.
I say hospital, but that is being generous. Blood soaked everywhere, 6 hours later my bloody footprints were still through the corridors. Anyway, a translator from a school, xray guy rode in from somewhere 60 minutes away. 2 surgeons stitched me up (after having to cut an inch extra on the wound to have enough skin to stretch.) Whole time I am repeatedly asked about insurance. 6 hours later I hobble out convinced I was getting hepatitis etc, and the total charge was £33.
Anyway, 3 infections later (mostly as I was stupid and insisted on walking komodo Island etc and not miss the opportunity. Wound was really just skin loss, so walking was not that painful) I get to Bali. Go to hospital, doc takes one look and says if I don't stay next door and have him check on me every 6 hours I might be truly fucked. But all went well.
Got a nice scar, a cool story. I was a brief star on Facebook in Vietnam when the nurses shared pictures of me smiling and working on my laptop while being operated on. (It took my mind off it all.)
Since then when I think "what could go wrong if I try an adventure " I know the answer is EVERYTHING.
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Post by Techno Hippy on Aug 31, 2021 18:05:13 GMT
Probably not quite crazy, but a stand out moment was dancing with Jeff Goldblum.  |
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Post by Danno on Aug 31, 2021 18:07:12 GMT
Crazy cool!
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Post by Techno Hippy on Aug 31, 2021 18:12:06 GMT
To be fair - it was a little crazy.
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