Tell us a crazy story about yourself.

Got attacked by someone with a carving knife, he slashed my outside left forearm pretty good 3 or 4 times, before I managed to grab an aluminium bread bin lid and used it as a shield, trapped the knife against his chest by punching forward with the lid (in my left hand) as he was lunging at me, momentarily the knife was pressed against his chest by the lid, and sent my right fist over the top into his face, he fell back against a work top, I dropped the bin lid and grabbed hold of his forearm with both hands, raised his hand up and then slammed his hand down against the Formica work top as hard as I could I think 3 times and he dropped the knife. I then brought my right fist back, adrenalin was in full flow by then, I was going to hammer the shit out of him till he went down, but no need, he puts his hands over his head and laid down on the floor in front of me whimpering. I just kicked the knife away from him and walked away. He didn't follow. He cut me fairly deep on my left forearm, frenzied slashing, it was quite a wake up call.

I got hit by a car with no-one driving it

Crikey. Any reason why? Just a random attacker? Or was it someone whose comment you had downvoted in the other place?

It actually is.

His mum lives near me

Steve Harvey?

So it was

I also think it was Brian Harvey Michael Jackson based his last face on

I used to run a pub in Bournemouth. One day the local butcher walked in and asked me for help. I happily walked back to his place and he dropped a kilo of white powder into my hands and asked me what to do with it.

Turns out the local gang used to come in once a week, throw £200 on the counter and tell him to fuck off for an hour. They were using his vacuum packing machine to package the drugs. Earlier in the day when they left they didn't notice a whole fucking kilo of powder fallen behind the machine.

Unsure what powder it was my mate then decides the sensible thing to do is cut it open and taste it. We discussed for a while about selling it on, trying to make some cash etc, at which point it dawned on me my fingerprints are all over a fucking opened pack of coke, with a very nasty family who would probably come looking for it at some point.

Quickly resealed it, got the guy to phone them and tell them they dropped it, and to never ever mention I was there. That night the gang was drinking in my pub as they usually did and every time they looked in my direction I shit myself and prayed, PRAYED they never found out

Never had any comeback after, but for 30 minutes I genuinely considered becoming a serious drug dealer, and then tried not to cry and went back to my normal life

There was a sizeable woods near me when I was young that had a council golf course and live-in groundskeeper. Being cheeky lads, we used to sneak around in the woods at night and get up to high jinks (no bum stuff).

We were regularly chased off by the groundskeeper and this being the late 80s, he thought nothing of giving us a couple of barrels of birdshot to scare the fucking shit out of us. My mate caught some in his earlobe which turned it into jelly mush.

Not having this, we bought a fucktonne of fireworks, mostly rockets, and nicked bits of piping off an adjacent building site.

At about 2AM, we surrounded his house on the grounds LIKE NINJAS from four angles and attacked it with our MacGyver bazookas.

It was quite the thing to see, his steaming face as he ran outside completely incredulous, all lit up in incandescent reds and greens.

Ahh, happy childhood memories. There was also the time we climbed through about three miles of storm drains in the same woods (equipped with climbing ropes and all sorts) and ended up inside a Thames Water treatment plant.

Not sure this is crazy, but its something that I remember, which at my age is something.

When I was in the Falkland Islands I had the chance of going on an "Air Experience" flight. I would have basically taken any excuse to get off that rock, so I volunteered. The flight was a Hercules that was doing a patrol around the exclusion zone looking for any shipping etc that shouldn't be there.

After a while we were invited to the cockpit and then the pilot asked if anyone fancied a go, which I did. He showed me the basic controls (height, speed, bearing and whatever the thing is that shows how level you are) and then said take it up 100 feet. Apparently I was a bit "keen" on the controls as he said I'd probably thrown people out the back. He asked me to try again and then to change course which I thankfully did better as he asked if I'd flown before. I said I'd played on a flight sim a bit (mostly F19 Stealth) and so he said "I'll leave you to it then" and he wandered to the back of the cockpit to chat to some other officers. For the next half hour I was flying the thing (with sweat dripping from my hands) and altering height and course as asked by the navigator. It was bloody great.

He was going to let someone else have a go, but we spotted an Argentine "trawler" and he took over and dove for the sea before banking hard (we actually felt the G force from this) and taking pictures out the window as we buzzed it. After this they got a message through telling them they were to take part in an exercise where we were to test the island's defences. He needed a "defecting argentine colonel" and I volunteered again and was given a pirate hat and a plastic sword as we flew low over the waves trying to avoid radar.

Two tornadoes were scrambled and flew alongside us and pointed for us to follow them. I was told to flick them the V's and wave my sword at the pilot as we eventually did what they wanted. When we landed, I thought that was it, but when the door opened, smoke grenades were tossed in and RAF Regiment stormed into the plane, grabbed me out and threw me into a ditch and demanded I give them the "information". I was crapping it at this point and insisting I hadn't a clue what they were on about and eventually they beleived me and let me go.

The flying bit was amazing. I've never felt anything like it and it is something I can still remember vividly over 30 years later. Anyway, not life or death and not criminal, but something I remember.

That took me far to long to understand. No, I still sweat like normal people and nope I'm not interested in under age girls. I do like pizza though. 

Im sorry, this is absolute bullshit

Because it involves quite a few seemingly well trained people losing their fucking minds.

I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four and I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.