hedben
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Post by hedben on Jun 16, 2024 8:28:05 GMT
Happy father’s day
My youngest is off to tennis club in 10 minutes, we’ve had a hug but we’re not doing Father’s Day stuff until she’s back mid-morning. The older 2 kids won’t rise much before then anyway. Then we’re off out to lunch “somewhere I’ve never been before” which is equal parts exciting (good pub grub hopefully?) and terrifying (oh God not Wacky Warehouse please)
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Post by LegendaryApe on Jun 16, 2024 9:56:38 GMT
Happy father's day to you all
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Post by LockeTribal on Jun 16, 2024 10:05:17 GMT
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otto
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Post by otto on Jun 16, 2024 10:08:09 GMT
his job is country explorer his favourite thing to do is build lego with me my dad’s favourite food is lasagne with cheese my dad always says it’s school time my favourite thing to do with my dad is play computer games I love my dad more than toys ![](https://i.postimg.cc/Y2X3f4Wn/IMG-7479.jpg)
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Post by Dougs on Jun 16, 2024 10:12:18 GMT
Big fan of Seamus, makes me laugh every week. His book is great too. Tough start but made me chuckle throughout.
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Jun 16, 2024 10:39:57 GMT
Photo card from my 7 year old with lovely messages written inside (it was really dusty in my room this morning), she also drew a picture of me and got some nice chocolate, so good start to the day.
Off for lunch soon and then I'm allowed to pick a movie this afternoon which is going to be Hercules as that is the Disney film she has steadfastly avoided (probably because I keep banging on about her watching it). Few beers and the footie to end the day, lovely.
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hedben
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Post by hedben on Jun 16, 2024 11:01:12 GMT
I got a brilliant homemade poster poem that has real chocolate bars stuck to it for some of the words in the poem.
Also a Thanos bottle opener keyring, couple of beers, and a mug that says “Best Farter Ever (oops I mean father)”
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crashV👀d👀
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Post by crashV👀d👀 on Jun 16, 2024 11:22:54 GMT
Happy father's day dads. Got a bottle of rum and a selection box of VIP nuts. Gonna go see our dad's and then booked in for some pit BBQ.
I'm so hungry already
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Post by RumMonkey on Jun 16, 2024 11:39:33 GMT
Me and my daughter did a terrarium building workshop which was cool. Off for gyros and beers and then football later.
Going to be a good day.
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Post by barchetta on Jun 16, 2024 14:27:49 GMT
Dropped off boy #1's Uni friend for her bus to London after a short stay and picked up child #2 from a weekend camp with Army Cadets. Just back home and presented with Andy Saunder's "Apollo Remastered" book. Fantastic present inspired by a recent trip to Lightroom London for 'The Moonwalkers' show.
Cooking later then probably watch the England game - so hope the day ends as well as it has been going!
Hope all Dads have a great day and to those who have lost theirs (still raw for me too) best wishes and hold on to the good memories.
Enjoy the day
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Jun 16, 2024 19:09:59 GMT
My lad was feeling a bit rough after a night out yesterday. I got a card & toblerone at 2:30pm.
🤣
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razz
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Post by razz on Jun 16, 2024 19:12:24 GMT
I got a brilliant homemade poster poem that has real chocolate bars stuck to it for some of the words in the poem. Also a Thanos bottle opener keyring, couple of beers, and a mug that says “Best Farter Ever (oops I mean father)” Heh I got the same mug
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Jun 16, 2024 21:38:14 GMT
I got two t shirts, an Iron Maiden Powerslave one and a Batman one. She’s spent too much but clearly has an idea of stuff I like which is nice. They are from Asda so the large is more like medium plus and these will be too small after a couple of dry cycles 😂
All I’ve seen of her all day was a ten second hug this morning when giving my gifts, I got asked for a brew and then she’s just come to say good night, so I’ve spent a sum total of about two minutes with her today, which is actually quite f*cking good this week as it happens.
A bit bothered by the fact there was no ‘dad’ anywhere in my card, I don’t get called this day to day TBF but she generally has put them in Father’s Day cards in the past (I know because I’ve kept them all). There was a spell when she would very occasionally shout ‘dad’ if scared at night when a few years younger, and a spell a bit further on when I’d get ‘pa-pa’ (as in the posh, period drama way) cheekily when being asked to buy something or what have you, but generally it’s first name which is natural given that practically I’m an unmarried step father.
I need to sort my head out about this but it just hasn’t felt the same with her since our foreign holiday last year, when the issue of biology came up in the worst possible way. At the end of the day if the kid views me as her step and a rung below mum maybe it’s fucking natural. I’ll always view her as mine and just hope she can see that when she grows up out of this teenage phase. I just hope to god that the feelings I have that she just views me as mum’s fella and a pain in the arse is my imagination interpreting normal teenage stand offishness. But it isn’t reasonable for me to rely on a child for emotional security, it should be the other way around and I need to stop being a dickhead.
Really I’m mostly depressed about work but it’s leading me to see doom in other stuff, hopefully this cycle will pass after my next push at work.
Anyway in terms of a day, went to see my dad solo today whilst the Mrs went to her dad’s with little ‘un, as we just didn’t have time to do both sides with her needing to jump on at work. Got a few hours where I’ve managed to do some model painting, play a couple of stages of Resi 5 and watch two episodes of The Expanse, so that stuff was nice.
As always, it’s hard taking on an existing child but I chose it and will continue until I’m in the ground. Sorry to bring a bit of a downer on the thread but thanks to anyone that took the time to read and sorry to anybody that thinks ‘shut up you dickhead you are just her mum’s boyfriend’ which is something I do occasionally encounter 😂
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otto
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Post by otto on Jun 16, 2024 21:44:09 GMT
My stepdaughter is 12 and I’ve been in her life since she just turned 4. To say it’s been difficult is an understatement. But things have improved a lot in the last couple of years. I got a lovely handwritten card from her today, in German, which she’s learning and really into which I’m quite touched by actually. Meanwhile the 16yo sent a single one line whatsapp at around 6pm and the 23yo called to say “i don’t want to wish you a Happy Fathers Day” so 🤷♂️. Meanwhile 5yo says he loves me more than toys so it’s swings & roundabouts.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 16, 2024 21:57:08 GMT
Nobody said it was easy (there's a song about that...). Head up mate!
Odd day after my kids finally realised. Some lovely presents my daughter bought at the school sale and a great Indy cap I spied at Disney that they bought. Then spent 2 hours trying to chase down leads to find my lost cat (eerily saw one so similar to mine but also not quite right - he ran off before I could take a picture... don't think it was him but not 100%.). Then had a lovely BBQ with friends before watching the football. If I'd found the cat it might have been almost perfect.
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Jun 16, 2024 22:00:31 GMT
I didn’t know whether it was right to ‘like’ that post Otto sorry.
It’s for the nice stuff and recognition/solidarity for the less nice stuff. Take care.
She was 8 when I became involved and is now getting on for 13.5.
I sorely wish I’d been able to start earlier than that, but am just thankful there has never been any competition.
Just had a big conversation with the Mrs about this stuff and basically been told off, as usual 😂
Wondering whether it would be useful to speak to somebody external tbh, I.e a professional.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 16, 2024 22:07:26 GMT
Don't beat yourself up. You are doing all you can abd whilst she might not see that now, she will in later life. You are providing that stability she needs at the most important time.
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otto
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Post by otto on Jun 16, 2024 22:51:59 GMT
I didn’t know whether it was right to ‘like’ that post Otto sorry. It’s for the nice stuff and recognition/solidarity for the less nice stuff. Take care. She was 8 when I became involved and is now getting on for 13.5. I sorely wish I’d been able to start earlier than that, but am just thankful there has never been any competition. Just had a big conversation with the Mrs about this stuff and basically been told off, as usual 😂 Wondering whether it would be useful to speak to somebody external tbh, I.e a professional. Like away, I see it/use it as acknowledgement, ‘I hear you’. Step-parenting is fucking tough, also because it is very difficult to talk about it to your partner even in the best of relationships. It’s such sensitive territory. I do talk to a shrink about it and it’s very helpful so I would absolutely recommend that.
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Jun 17, 2024 8:13:37 GMT
So I’m putting all that selfish nonsense behind me for more pressing shite today.
The dreaded Sunday night insomnia struck AGAIN last night.
Last time I tried to discuss this with OH it resulted in a big row but I’ve just said I’m having the talk now. I’ve found some CBT for kids videos and am going to relate it to my own experiences and try to teach her the basics. I also want some definite tweaks to routines. When I went in she was putting her lamp on and looking for books to read - I have given her this as a strategy but it’s supposed to be ‘read then sleep’ not ‘fail to sleep and then start reading at 1 am on a school night!’
Basically her mum has been letting her have the dog in her room as a crutch which has worked short term - dog is getting on though and won’t be here forever and I’m not a fan of this (also DO NOT want the child discovering one day a dead dog in her bedroom!)
As the dog wakes her up in the morning at weekends she didn’t take the dog Friday and Saturday and the poor pooch hasn’t known whether she is coming or going. She (dog) didn’t want to stay in the room last night and then we get the room lighting up at 12.40 am with WhatsApp notifications and I end up taking the dog in at about 1 am - felt really snidey to the dog who did not want to wake up downstairs let alone be moved.
I’d have said ‘no’ to this inconsistency with the dog but she got to mum first - I don’t think there’s any harm being woken up at the weekend and I think she’s been quite selfish in not considering the poor dog in all this. Dog herself is full of anxiety from bad habits by previous owners.
Any advice with this would be great. For context, we are 99 per cent sure there is nothing happening at school or bullying wise etc. It’s because it’s happened a couple of times on transitions from half term holidays to school when she’s messed her body clock up and now it’s basically rent free in her head.
Local services offering therapy do not cater to under 16s and she is obviously too young for drugs even if I did want to consider that route. I’m starting to worry this will affect her schooling long term - there’s already been a drop off in science this year (although having met the new teacher at parent’s evening not surprised - disinterested, uninspiring and a bit of an arsehole).
Whilst I’m at all this I’m going to think back to those CBT tactics I used myself in the past and try to sort my own head out.
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otto
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Post by otto on Jun 17, 2024 10:57:39 GMT
drakesmoke, this sounds really similar to my situation and I have thoughts and advice, but maybe better away from the main forum. V happy to connect on this. I’ll bung you contact details.
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Post by rawshark on Jun 17, 2024 12:21:55 GMT
So I was away for the last couple of nights but came back for Father’s Day. Got a nice gift - an engraved tankard - and a card. Happy with that.
But, and please let me know if I’m being harsh about this, I kind of wish the day hadn’t been limited to that. The little one is teething and was very upset all day, but once we finally put him to bed I thought there’d be some effort into dinner or something, but what I got was “there’s some leftover fish pie in the fridge. You can heat that up. I might just have a pot noodle”.
I get it was a long day and me being away didn’t help anything, but I’ve got to admit the lack of giving a shit really hurt my feelings.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Jun 17, 2024 12:28:13 GMT
How dare he be put to bed when your every whim was not catered for?!?!
(yes, you're an asshole)
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Jun 17, 2024 12:44:36 GMT
Lots of different context this could be put against, including what the arrangements were on Mother’s Day in terms of that stuff. I know that here my other half insisted on doing a full Sunday roast on her day and I do not get in the way of that. But did you make her a nice tea?
Growing up for me my dad was always of the opinion that Father’s Day was just a step away from Valentine’s in terms of being driven by card companies rather than traditional or important like the Mother’s equivalent.
I’m sure I ended up in a borderline row in another thread on the importance of Valentine’s issue, and if any participants are reading I don’t really want to get back into that, those are just the perspectives I was given growing up.
The other side of it is that people might consider it’s a day for children to celebrate their fathers - if yours is teething they are presumably too young to participate in that. As stated in an earlier entry, we essentially separated to visit our opposite fathers and I was virtually left out as a result. Not bothered by this, one day both dads won’t be around. The other perspective is that partners of the father/mother celebrate the efforts of the other of course, and I think this is where you are coming from. But when I asked my Mrs for a back scratch when we watching telly late on I was told that I wasn’t her dad 😂*
Nobody can tell you your own feelings can they. To me I just want a nicely written and sincere card, which I had misgivings about this year. I don’t expect pampering and I think if you are dealing with a very young child who is distressed from teething your other half is likely to be knackered as well from that and you may wish to take that into perspective.
*If Legendary Ape is reading that last one is gift wrapped for you. As is Shark’s fish pie, potentially.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 17, 2024 12:52:43 GMT
Yeah, can understand why user rawshark might be feeling a bit sorry for himself. But equally, he'd been away without said teething child and mum likely just at the end of her tether, father's day or not. Been there - one of those things you just need to suck up and smile sweetly imo
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otto
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Post by otto on Jun 17, 2024 13:06:00 GMT
I think Fathers Day (and Mothers Day but especially Fathers Day) is one for the kids and *not* for the co-parent to feel they have to make the other co-parent feel validated. If she has done something to get the kid to step up and acknowledge you, that’s a win. Especially if you’ve been away leaving her holding the baby, that is not the moment to feel put out because she hasn’t cooked you a nice dinner and fetched your slippers, unless you’re a time traveller from the 1950s.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Jun 17, 2024 13:10:16 GMT
Aye suck it up, I overheard Mrs Mercury saying she was gonna get a card from the local Tesco yesterday morning, I said she really needn't worry, I'm just not bothered by it, then I got a card off my youngest with the price tag still attached and he'd written Happy Birthday in it, I got two completely random gifts that if she'd bought them in the pound shop she'd have overpaid, I spent the morning slicing my arms up under a dishwasher.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 17, 2024 13:52:36 GMT
Agree that the kids should be making the effort (as they get older). We are rubbish at facilitating it though, so end up doing everything.
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Post by rawshark on Jun 17, 2024 13:54:25 GMT
Fair enough. It was more of a parity thing, really, as I try to make an effort on Mother's Day... But we have different approaches to mealtimes where I try to put a bit of effort in and make it a moment for us to sit down and enjoy, wheras when its her turn its a case of whacking something in the oven or reheating what I cooked the day before and if you don't like it you can put mayo on it. Not sure why I thought yesterday would have been any different.
I think we're both feeling tired and underappreciated, to be honest. 'Tis parenting.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 17, 2024 13:57:00 GMT
Yup. There's always a flip side, and often both are right. Or rather, there is no wrong or right, it just is what it is. Key is actually talking about it and not letting it fester (or cause an argument)
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wunty
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Post by wunty on Jun 17, 2024 14:45:14 GMT
To be fair I can understand why Mother's Day is a thing, but not Father's Day. I'm happy to put the effort in for the person out the relationship that carried our son through 9 months and actually birthed him. I don't particularly need / want a single thing for Father's Day. Of course, she always makes a huge effort regardless because that's the type of person she is, but I don't ever really think it's earned on my part. I'm just a grumpy bastard that fucked off to work through all the difficult times.
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