Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 3, 2022 7:42:31 GMT
As long as you can. You don’t get a redo.
And it’s true, or at least it was for me. For the first few weeks I was either doing housework, running errands or playing Xbox during my paternity leave, jumping into action when they both woke up. But the important thing is that you are there when they do. I took a month off all in.
Ymmv and all that
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Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 3, 2022 7:48:09 GMT
And congrats!
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dogbot
Full Member
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Post by dogbot on Aug 3, 2022 7:57:01 GMT
Yeah, what Nick said.
As long as you possibly can. It may not seem like it, but those initial months are absolutely priceless.
And congratulations.
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Post by Dougs on Aug 3, 2022 8:03:33 GMT
Yeah, I had a month I think.
(And pack your bags now, my first arrived 8 weeks early!)
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razz
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Post by razz on Aug 3, 2022 8:03:44 GMT
Cheers man! 🤗
I really want to be there and bond with baby as much as possible, but I also ever so slightly feel like I'm taking the piss with work by booking so much time off. I work in events and Oct-Dec is a crazy busy. But otoh, if there was ever a time to be selfish with my time, this is it. Pah! It's hard to ask for so much time off.
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Post by Sarfrin on Aug 3, 2022 8:15:08 GMT
What those other guys said. However it goes, you being there will be valuable.
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Binky
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Post by Binky on Aug 3, 2022 8:22:30 GMT
I agree that the time spent and being there is valuable but there’s a flip side to this concerning how much time you have in the bank, as well as - do you have family and friends nearby that will also be lending support?
If you can, I’d definitely save at least a week of your holiday allowance for when baby starts teething at 5-6 months! The sleepless night at that stage hit you both hard!
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Aug 3, 2022 9:23:30 GMT
Yeah well done!
Take as much time as you can. It's not just to 'help out' it is to bond with your new baby and all that. Dad is just as important as mum and you need time to adjust as well. I honestly can't sand it when people ask a new dad if they have been 'doing everything for mum' and 'taking care of mum' and never mention dad.
anyway - as much time as possible and don't feel bad. As a counterpoint to Dougs and his early baby, mine was 2 weeks after due date! How flexible is your time off?
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Post by grey_matters on Aug 3, 2022 9:28:24 GMT
Another vote for as much as possible. I had 16 weeks and it still wasn't enough.
And congrats!
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Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 3, 2022 9:35:59 GMT
Yeah well done! Take as much time as you can. It's not just to 'help out' it is to bond with your new baby and all that. Dad is just as important as mum and you need time to adjust as well. I honestly can't sand it when people ask a new dad if they have been 'doing everything for mum' and 'taking care of mum' and never mention dad. Equally, dont feel bad if you dont get a much of a look in at first. Mum and baby just spent the first few weeks in bed together, waking up to feed, falling asleep, waking up to feed, falling asleep, waking up to feed.... so all I could really do is make sure everyone is clean, fed and watered.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2022 9:49:27 GMT
Any advice for a first time Dad (and mum)? Baby is due in 8 weeks and I'm not sure how long to book off for Paternity leave, I've saved most my annual leave for it as I don't qualify for Statutory Paternity (started this job in Feb). I was thinking 6-8 weeks, is that too long? I've seen most men take 2-3 weeks. I've been told that the first few weeks I won't be needed as much for direct childcare, mostly just supporting mum. Which is fine, I want to be there as much as I'm needed but I also don't want to get in the way... That's time off you will NEVER regret taking. I think it's difficult for the father to bond with a baby at that young age. I struggled and it wasn't until a good few months after that I began to feel that "connection". However, to be there, to help, to provide moral support, to help around the house etc. It's invaluable during those first few weeks.
So yeah, as much as you can. There's really nothing that's as important.
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H-alphaFox
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Post by H-alphaFox on Aug 3, 2022 10:02:07 GMT
I just stayed home for good, not everyone can do that but have no regrets.
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razz
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Post by razz on Aug 3, 2022 12:37:21 GMT
Cheers everyone, I've put a request in for 8 weeks. Even added a caveat that I might need to extend or come back part time after.
My employer is very flexible and wants what's best for us, so much so that it often feels uncomfortable. I'm not used to working for a company that gives a shit about their staff. But I'm very grateful.
As you have all said, it's family time I'll never get back so it's more important. I needed to hear that. Thank you all.
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Aug 3, 2022 15:41:48 GMT
Echo entirely what everyone else said, and good to see you've requested 8 weeks Razz, it'll be invaluable for all of you! You'll get to bond with the kiddo but most importantly look after the better half and ensure she's getting everything she needs.
I had three weeks and it wasn't enough (all holiday, stat pay is a joke, I don't know how anyone can survive on that?). That being said though, do make sure you get some time to pop out and have some moments of peace, because it can get rough. None of my male friends really told me anything in advance, and amongst the joy of everything I did have moments of mild depression, so just be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster. I certainly wouldn't change anything though (other than advance warning that it will take some mental gymnastics to survive).
Congrats again man, brilliant news!
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 4, 2022 10:03:24 GMT
freddiemercurystwin can you uninstall the Family Link app from the device? I don’t find the app very easy to use. Yesterday mine gave me a notification that said “(kid 2) has turned off search history on YouTube”. It vanished before I could select it and I couldn’t see any way of getting back to the notification in the app, or of turning search history back on again remotely. When I asked him why he turned it off, he said it was “too busy” with it on… So I got round to logging in to Family Link on a PC and there is still no way I can find to delete a device from the account unless it's still an active device, so for any devices that may have been trashed or lost it seems they will stay linked to the account forever. What a peculiar system.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Aug 4, 2022 13:58:39 GMT
Off to Dittisham (South Devon) next Friday staying in a treehouse! Any attraction recommends?
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Aug 4, 2022 19:22:03 GMT
Off to Dittisham (South Devon) next Friday staying in a treehouse! Any attraction recommends? That's about 40 minutes from me, so know the area fairly well. You have an abundance of great beaches, areas on Dartmoor to visit, small towns to explore (Totnes, Dartmouth) but if you want attractions then the River Dart Country Park has a lot to do for a family. Depends what you're specifically looking for.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 4, 2022 20:04:42 GMT
Off to Dittisham (South Devon) next Friday staying in a treehouse! Any attraction recommends? Depends what you're specifically looking for. This
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Aug 4, 2022 20:31:19 GMT
My girls are 11/8 so beach, zoo, theme parks, water parks, adventure playgrounds, parks, walks, pub lunches, arcades that sort of stuff. Weather looks to be good that week so may not need indoor things hopefully.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 4, 2022 22:07:37 GMT
To entertain for a whole day I'd book Paignton waterpark for the first available session or so (to minimise the queues) then a packed lunch on the beach next to the waterpark or whatever then the afternoon in Paignton zoo (obviously temporarily remove any morals). Avoid eating in either venue.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 5, 2022 8:11:36 GMT
So much stuff down this way to entertain really at varying levels of cost, shame not visit Dartmoor and climb a few Tors or do some bouldering for a cheap day out, add a visit to Dartmoor Prison museum which is quaint and oldywoldy but worth a visit though if you're passing albeit a bit further afield, plenty of kayak hire places round Totnes, kayaking off to a pub for lunch is bliss, indoor swimming pools round here on a boiling hot day are usually pretty quiet (which I've never quite understood) and make a really refreshing break from the heat. Paignton/Torbay is very skanky hanky on the head and personally I'd avoid it like the plague if at all possible except for the two things mentioned before but if they like arcades they'd be in heaven, the Vue is pretty cheap though as Vue cinemas go. Dartmouth is very busy, a bit posh so not cheap and up it's own ass, Totnes is very hippyish but also a bit up its own ass. Devon Sea Safari in Teignmouth can be a real treat albeit pricey but might well get to see dolphins which can make a day out, really big newly refurbished play park in Teignmouth too, arcade in the Pier, some good eating too, couple of beaches, ferry across to Shaldon, kayaking up the estuary, can easily spend a whole day there, everything is close together, can give you the heads up on the closest to town free parking too if you did go. I should work for the tourist board.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Aug 5, 2022 8:14:12 GMT
That's great, thanks fred.
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Aug 5, 2022 9:58:18 GMT
Fred pretty much summed up a lot of what I would have recommended too. The waterpark is a must as your girls are old enough (my five year old still too small to go, I am DESPERATE to take her), and you're right by the beach so two birds and all that. If you want to mix water activities (kayaking etc) with playgrounds and other outdoor stuff then I would mention River Dart Country Park again - riverdart.co.uk/family-park-attractions/Woodlands might be a bit too young I'm not sure it's been a long time since I've been, but isn't too far from you. There is a lovely waterfall and walk near Exeter too, we've been a couple of times and it is a lovely way to spend a morning or afternoon - www.canonteignfalls.co.uk/I don't know much about Teignmouth, so that's going onto the list for our summer activities, cheers
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dam
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Post by dam on Aug 5, 2022 10:38:37 GMT
Off to Dittisham (South Devon) next Friday staying in a treehouse! Any attraction recommends? I'm thinking sitting in a treehouse, reading a book and drinking beers sounds perfect! At the other end of the parenting timeline, driving tests! 18yr old desperate to pass....3rd attempt yesterday. He's a good driver, I'd rather be driven by him than my wife. Messed up the first 2 tests due to bad decisions that we probably do everytime we drive, but not on a test... He's not had an instructor since the first fail (they are so busy), I've been doing it. Perfect drive, one minor for hesitation at a junction (I've been trying to make him more cautious so my fault) but another fail - for a terrible reverse park. Can't believe that's a fail. I think my car does it itself.... He refused to do the manouvres training with me, my wife did it instead, so not my fault
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 5, 2022 12:21:34 GMT
Top tip my dad taught me back in the day was stick a tiny bit of tape on the back window that when you look behind you it lines up with the kerb.
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dam
New Member
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Post by dam on Aug 5, 2022 14:51:39 GMT
Top tip my dad taught me back in the day was stick a tiny bit of tape on the back window that when you look behind you it lines up with the kerb. He's done it a 1000 times. Fuck knows how he managed to screw it up so badly. The guy also gave him the acknowledged sign that you've fucked it up and would you like to redo it by saying "Are you finished?". Might try the tape though.... I am beginning to think it's a scheme to raise cash for the Gov at £65 a pop. I'm planning several of years of lifts from pubs at closing times via the kebab shop in return for the torture.
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Post by Bill in the rain on Aug 7, 2022 6:31:06 GMT
River Dart Country Park! I didn't know there were so many devonians on here.
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Post by Bill in the rain on Aug 7, 2022 6:36:34 GMT
Oh, I got so excited I forgot why I came in here.
Anyone had any successes with getting reluctant readers to read? My daughter is about 12 and she's happy to read graphic novels, but the problem with those is that she burns through them in about 30 minutes.
She used to be willing to read younger books, though mainly wanted me to read them to her. (stuff like Worst Witch) But recently she doesn't seem interested in full books.
There was an article recently on some OECD research that kids who read paper books outperform those who read ebooks or don't read.. so now I feel a bit rubbish.
E-comics are more cost effective than getting English paper comics here, and I've been trying not to mandate reading as I didn't want to turn it into a chore... but even e-comics can't really compete with youtube/tv/games.
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Post by damagedinc on Aug 7, 2022 6:45:05 GMT
Oh, I got so excited I forgot why I came in here. Anyone had any successes with getting reluctant readers to read? My daughter is about 12 and she's happy to read graphic novels, but the problem with those is that she burns through them in about 30 minutes. She used to be willing to read younger books, though mainly wanted me to read them to her. (stuff like Worst Witch) But recently she doesn't seem interested in full books. There was an article recently on some OECD research that kids who read paper books outperform those who read ebooks or don't read.. so now I feel a bit rubbish. E-comics are more cost effective than getting English paper comics here, and I've been trying not to mandate reading as I didn't want to turn it into a chore... but even e-comics can't really compete with youtube/tv/games. I wouldn't stress, personally any reading being done I would encourage. I read loads when I was a kid and turned out to be a bit of a thicko. So go figure! Maybe offer 5 topics Pirates Animals Scary Etc etc Then pick a story around that theme and just get them to read for 5 min every night and go from there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2022 9:13:02 GMT
I've fucking had it.
Since May or thereabouts the boy has been saying he's too ill for school, so we indulged him after many arguments and kept him off for big chunks before the end of term. Then he's too ill for piano lessons. Then he's too ill for rowing. his piano teacher and rowing instructors have been very patient and very indulgent with him, making sure he's okay. After cancelling the rowing last minute last sat (and not for the first time, which puts their plans into disarray, but they were very nice about it) he promised me he would be attending their two day camp thing starting today. I leave for work this morning and guess what? That's right, the wife calls me ten minutes after they should have left with him not even dressed saying he doesn't want to go.
So I get on the phone and absolutely fucking rocket him. Last text I got was that they were on way but he's in a hell of state. Now I feel like shit but what the hell am I meant to do? Months I've been patient with him. I've cancelled things last minute time and time again.
He says he's nervous about high school on Tuesday, and I understand that, but as I keep explaining to him, the alternative isn't to just sit in his room on his arse all day until then.
Fucking hell.
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