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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 11, 2022 9:17:14 GMT
Hang in there, I feel your pain I really do, perhaps read some of my previous posts from a few months back in the Parenting thread not that I can offer much advice. Absolutely shitting it with anxiety with respect to our eldest and a new school year about to start .....
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Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 11, 2022 9:29:51 GMT
So we had this issue on two fronts:
- The convenient tummy ache was anxiety. It tooks us over a year to see someone at CAHMS but it helped a lot. But she is generally an anxious person
- The actual tummy ache all the time was a lactose intolerance. We went wheat and dairy free for a while and gradually introduced them back in. Once we started buying lactose free milk and moved her to flora she was like a new person
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Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 11, 2022 9:34:46 GMT
Oh, I got so excited I forgot why I came in here. Anyone had any successes with getting reluctant readers to read? My daughter is about 12 and she's happy to read graphic novels, but the problem with those is that she burns through them in about 30 minutes. She used to be willing to read younger books, though mainly wanted me to read them to her. (stuff like Worst Witch) But recently she doesn't seem interested in full books. There was an article recently on some OECD research that kids who read paper books outperform those who read ebooks or don't read.. so now I feel a bit rubbish. E-comics are more cost effective than getting English paper comics here, and I've been trying not to mandate reading as I didn't want to turn it into a chore... but even e-comics can't really compete with youtube/tv/games. It doesn’t sound like she is a reluctant reader, she’s a reluctant reader of books. If she is burning through comics, I wouldn’t worry about it. Not everything has to be Shakespeare and, at the end of the day, it’s all about practice regardless of content. Get her a Shonen Jump sub and let her get on with it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2022 10:10:58 GMT
Well. He went. Was late so they were all ready in the boats. He's had to now spend the morning cycling beside one of the instructors instead. On the way there he told my wife at length how horrible we were as parents and that he wanted to kill himself (which is funny, considering his classmates used to say all that shit and he would genuinely come home and tell us about it, not understanding how any one could say something so ridiculous as that).
We're not going to reward the fact he went. He's going to get penalised instead for reneging on a promise he made to me and for the horrendous shit he was saying to his mum.
Gosh. Parenting is great.
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Post by Bill in the rain on Aug 12, 2022 14:08:31 GMT
It doesn’t sound like she is a reluctant reader, she’s a reluctant reader of books. If she is burning through comics, I wouldn’t worry about it. Not everything has to be Shakespeare and, at the end of the day, it’s all about practice regardless of content. Get her a Shonen Jump sub and let her get on with it. Yeah, I guess that's a good way to look at it. I'm always a bit suspicious whether she's actually reading it all, or just skipping chunks and looking at the pics though. The main issue is the cost and difficulty of getting English comics / graphic novels here. I lucked out and found a bunch of decent ones in a second hand store last month, so she's currently burning through Rollergirl. On the other hand, I've been trying to get part 3 of the Zita the Spacegirl trilogy for ages, and it's either out of stock, or the postage is nuts if I order it from the US/UK.
Japanese stuff is more reasonably priced of course, but the fact that so much of it is dodgy, or at least highly sexist, isn't very appealing.
And I'm not enough of a manga buff to know what stuff *is* acceptable.
Other than Ghibli stuff.
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Post by Reviewer on Aug 12, 2022 14:46:48 GMT
Reading anything is good. The most important part is that their imagination is being engaged and they’re reading something, it telling a coherent story is good and no worse if it’s a comic than if it’s war and peace.
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Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Aug 12, 2022 15:24:21 GMT
We felt the important thing was she was reading anything, so we got her reading minecraft strategy guides, pokemon pokedex book, even RPGs on her 3DS.. anything with words in it because she didnt really engage with a hefty tome, per se.
Not saying our approach is best but she completed reading at 12 so something sank in.
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Post by Sarfrin on Aug 12, 2022 15:48:12 GMT
Not saying our approach is best but she completed reading at 12 so something sank in. Impressive. I'm 53 and I still haven't finished.
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rawshark
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Post by rawshark on Aug 12, 2022 15:55:49 GMT
I used to read and re read the Argos Catalogue. Always looked forward to the new one coming out.
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dmukgr
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Post by dmukgr on Aug 12, 2022 17:01:35 GMT
I used to read and re read the Argos Catalogue. Always looked forward to the new one coming out. Ah, the laminated book of dreams. I used to do that too. Always fancied owning Tin Pan Alley.
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rawshark
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Post by rawshark on Aug 12, 2022 22:05:29 GMT
I used to take mine to school with me. They had to tell me to stop.
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Post by Dougs on Aug 13, 2022 6:44:32 GMT
Well. He went. Was late so they were all ready in the boats. He's had to now spend the morning cycling beside one of the instructors instead. On the way there he told my wife at length how horrible we were as parents and that he wanted to kill himself (which is funny, considering his classmates used to say all that shit and he would genuinely come home and tell us about it, not understanding how any one could say something so ridiculous as that). We're not going to reward the fact he went. He's going to get penalised instead for reneging on a promise he made to me and for the horrendous shit he was saying to his mum. Gosh. Parenting is great. Sorry to hear of your son's struggles. Have things calmed down now? It's really hard. It's such a difficult age for them. Hormones are raging, they're all trying to find their place in the world and with the social media pressures etc, it's no wonder that some struggle to cope. My lad is the same sometimes, suffers from anxiety quite a lot, especially when it comes to change. I'm not very good at dealing with it but my wife is better and can often get out of him what's bothering him. You could try a conversation about it all once the dust has settled and there's no rush or pressure to get somewhere. They're not little kids anymore and sometimes respond to being treated like an adult (even if they're pretty far from one). Good luck dude, feel free to use here to vent.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2022 10:01:31 GMT
Thanks Dougs. Thursday was a terrible start but by the afternoon he was a different boy. Had a great time and as soon as he met his mum, unprompted, he apologised profusely. Said he'd been thinking about what he said all day and felt terrible.
Next day he was there early and he's down there again this morning.
It's definitely anxiety and I don't want to give the impression I'm a "just fucking get on with it" parent. We listen to him, alot. I had a big heart to heart with him on Thursday night and we discussed particularly what he'd said about killing himself. He said that he couldn't believe he'd even said that, and it was due to him being so wound up. I reminded him that we always are in his corner, and that he can always talk when he needs to, and he knows that. I just think regardless, he gets himself so wound up, and because of High School on Tuesday, he's all over the place.
See when he's on form, he's the best wee guy in the world. I want more people to see that guy. He's bloody witty, frequently hilarious, and incredibly caring and patient, particularly when helping others. He was looking forward to the rowing today because they have new boys and girls attending and he was excited at the prospect of being able to help them and show them what he knows.
Back soon, so I guess I'll see how he got on. I normally take him but the wife fancied it instead.
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Post by Dougs on Aug 13, 2022 12:15:13 GMT
Sounds like you handled that perfectly! Glad he's in a better place. Know what you mean about not wanted to be a "get on with it" parent, as that was my folks approach and it's my first instinct too, and I have to try hard not to vocalise that and be more understanding.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 15, 2022 6:57:07 GMT
After a seemingly very pleasant day with my eldest yesterday he seems to want to come in to my work today, as well as sit quietly in the corner whilst I work he can explore the local area and have a scoot about, I may regret this but he seems pretty insistent ....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2022 11:22:48 GMT
Sounds like you handled that perfectly! Glad he's in a better place. Know what you mean about not wanted to be a "get on with it" parent, as that was my folks approach and it's my first instinct too, and I have to try hard not to vocalise that and be more understanding. Yeah same. I do have moments that I'm like "Stop whingeing" etc, but on the whole I try to be more patient, recalling the gulf between me and my parents. To this day I still don't have a free and easy dialogue with them. I want it to be different when we're older.
First day of high school tomorrow though so he's up to high doh today. Glad I'm in work. Where has that last seven years gone!?!
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Aug 15, 2022 11:24:24 GMT
The bread is in a tall cabinet?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2022 11:35:18 GMT
Silly typo.
But yes. It is.
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Post by Dougs on Aug 15, 2022 11:37:38 GMT
I had to Google it but was on the right lines!
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Aug 15, 2022 22:16:26 GMT
After a seemingly very pleasant day with my eldest yesterday he seems to want to come in to my work today, as well as sit quietly in the corner whilst I work he can explore the local area and have a scoot about, I may regret this but he seems pretty insistent .... Well he seemed to enjoy himself by enlarge even though by about 12pm he was pretty bored (I work 8-2pm during the holidays by taking and spreading one days holiday per week) and despite being busy as hell he had no comprehension of how much I can actually achieve in a working day sometimes but then he is 12 and why should he give a hoot? Now my youngest is nagging me to do the same, I'll give him until 10am to get bored as fuck. Still it is nice they want (on the face of it) to see me through a working day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2022 8:01:24 GMT
And so it begins. First of high school. Blimey.
Still, he was up, dressed, organised and all ready for when he wanted to be. Left early to meet one of his mates so they could walk in together and generally felt okay. Hope he gets on okay. I seem to be a bit of an emotional wreck though. For some reason this is more affecting than when he started primary school.
Maybe because I now feel so bloody old.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2022 8:02:54 GMT
I don't have kids, but I imagine it's also the thought of this is it. When he finishes this, he's a man doing his own shit.
My heart's with you, wunty.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2022 8:06:27 GMT
Yeah I think that's it. After primary, it was high school. But after high school...
Just been sent a pic of the nephews and nieces going to their first day. One of my nephews is starting high school as well but his brother is older and looks so incredibly tall and grown up. Nearly as tall as me now.
It's mental man. Mental.
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Post by Red_Bool on Aug 16, 2022 8:24:38 GMT
My oldest son is already in college (talking about feeling old). He also already has his driving license. First time going out with him driving and me in the passenger seat was strange.
But you get used to it. Time flies, so enjoy the moments!
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Post by Dougs on Aug 16, 2022 8:26:26 GMT
Time and tide and all that.
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harrypalmer
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Post by harrypalmer on Aug 16, 2022 9:52:54 GMT
Kids distort time, somehow in the moment time goes very slowly but years pass in the blink of an eye. It's terrifying and wonderful, and so hard to appreciate. It makes ageing and death way more prominent in my mind. But yeah, I hope he enjoys his first day!
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Aug 16, 2022 18:43:37 GMT
So just heard one of my daughters female friends (11yro) was called a wanker by some of her new September high school male classmates in a Snapchat group.
Lovely.
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dam
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Post by dam on Aug 16, 2022 19:07:41 GMT
Meant to get the kids to dress up and pose for a "First Day Back" picture today instead of tomorrow, to scare the shit out of everyone into thinking they got the day wrong Just my younger 2 back tomorrow, eldest is off to college (locally). Which means in 2 years my middle one will be off, so we'll be down to just one. Even though they are largely a pain in the arse, I'm not looking forward to an empty nest.
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rawshark
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Post by rawshark on Aug 18, 2022 1:05:43 GMT
Mrs Shark is at 15-16 weeks now. I think. Hard to remember.
I won’t lie, we’ve been fighting a lot recently. We’re going through a house move and that’s added significantly to the stress. I find myself intentionally staying up til the wee hours just to get some alone time, as we’re two people working from home in a hot one bed flat and there’s really no escape.
We’ve gotten into a weird stalemate where we both think the other one isn’t pulling their weight around the house or with the moving stuff. I’m desperate for us to do something that isn’t house or family related but everything with her is a real chore.
And of course sex is non-existent and won’t be existent until next year because the thought of sex while pregnant makes her feel icky. So right now I really have to find my moment to get some therapy with the filthy nine-year-old iPad and my search history of shame.
I’m genuinely worried that the bonding feeling I’m supposed to get with Shark Jr isn’t coming. That little guy is getting ears soon and the first thing it’s going to hear is it’s parents nagging the shit out of each other. And we haven’t even gotten to the move yet and all the expense and work that entails…
It all seems so fucked. And if it’s bad now how much worse are things going to get?
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Post by Bird Of Prey on Aug 18, 2022 6:48:36 GMT
I might not be right, but I'd suggest you pack in the staying up late stuff. That breeds resentment and makes the other person feel lonely and unloved. If you have worries, how do you think the person with the baby growing inside them feels? There's no getting away for a couple of hours for them.
Then use the time you spend in bed to give her a massage of that baby bump. It will help you bond with the kid and help her realise you are both in this and it might even help with stretch marks. Or both listen to an audiobook about parenting or just watch a film together.
The way you refer to the "filthy" iPad and the history of "shame" also suggests you should stop that as it's not making you feel good and your wife won't be an idiot and that won't be making her feel good a herself or her changing body (and don't forget all the hormones that are going through her and how she's having to deal with them). So stop the late night sessions on your own and get back together.
If you want to spend time alone, then spend it getting fit (preferably outside) or spend it sorting the house move out. You'll feel better doing either than what you're doing now.
Regards the house move, it's obviously stressful, but don't be keeping score about who does most. If you feel you must, then remember again that she's pregnant and her body's energy is going into making another life. Just get on with the stuff that needs doing and if nothing else you can feel like you're doing your bit.
Also, stop worrying about this mystical bonding. The kid is yours and that's what matters. Even if you do have a bonding moment, you'll still find they annoy the shit out of you at some points, that's kids. But Christmas Day between ages 4 and 10 are worth it all as are all the other moments you have.
Stop worrying about the house move and how things might get worse in the future. Work on now or there won't be a future. Your wife is probably very afraid and worried just like you, so be there for her now. Yes, you're going through some stuff, but go through it together. You've acknowledged that you're getting on top of each other and you're stressed and worried, face it together. Soon you'll be in a new house with a baby and things will enter a new phase. Get ready for it and look forward to it as it's coming and it will be here a lot dinner than you think. Honestly, try and enjoy this time you and your wife have together now or you might regret it. It'll be a long time before you can go out for a meal or stay up late together or even just a walk.
It sounds like you want it to be all better and I know it's hard and scary and that you've got a lot of stresses the pair of you. But as I say, face it together and talk about it and don't keep score just each of you do what you can when you can.
You mentioned the growing ears, that is a factor. I played a lot of classical music with one child (for no reason other than I liked it) and when they were born, they quickly learnt to turn the radio over to classic FM with their feet. It was amazing to see and I assume that was because of all the association's they had with the music from all those warm dark months. I don't know, but it's something that amazed me. As did the birth.
Hang in there, stick together, try to enjoy now and get some sleep as you'll need it!
I don't know if this will help, but I thought I'd try. I don't know you beyond what you've said here but I'm just trying to help as best I can. Take care of the three of you.
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