dam
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Post by dam on Jun 13, 2022 8:04:05 GMT
Yes, if you spy on him, he'll stop in about a minute Dropped my eldest (18) off at Edinburgh Airport at 2am, flying to Zante in a party of 12 (mostly couples). Actually really worried. So far away, and nothing we can do in a hurry if something happens. Have repeated warnings about balconies, drugs, drowning, conmen, pickpockets, tattoos till I'm blue in the face, hopefully he'll break the habit of a lifetime and take my advice on board...
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Jun 13, 2022 8:24:24 GMT
Yes, if you spy on him, he'll stop in about a minute Dropped my eldest (18) off at Edinburgh Airport at 2am, flying to Zante in a party of 12 (mostly couples). Actually really worried. So far away, and nothing we can do in a hurry if something happens. Have repeated warnings about balconies, drugs, drowning, conmen, pickpockets, tattoos till I'm blue in the face, hopefully he'll break the habit of a lifetime and take my advice on board... You forgot teenage pregnancy....!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 8:44:07 GMT
I just dropped my son to the nursery for his first full day...his crying is a whole new level of mental trauma we've never experienced before Ah, yes, I remember that day well. As dougs says though, he will be fine and I bet when you pick him up he'll be happy as anything.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Jun 13, 2022 8:44:27 GMT
Heh, the GFs daughter off to Zante this morning. Same age. Same conversations I believe.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 8:47:41 GMT
Been having real difficulties getting my boy to school the last few weeks. He'll be okay and then when it comes to going to school, he goes white as a sheet, feels dizzy and faint and can't even walk in. He's not experiencing difficulties and is literally in the last few weeks of P7. He's worried about the high school but not disproportionately so, and I really don't know what's got into him. After missing most of the last two weeks, he was brilliant at the weekend there and already this morning before I left for work the colour had drained from his face and he was complaining about feeling poorly. He's not the kind of boy to put things on and I genuinely believe that he's feeling shit, but I also think he's almost making himself feel like that.
Spoke to the Mrs and she says he's gone to school this time so I'm hoping once he goes and has an alright day it'll break this cycle.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 9:03:42 GMT
FFS
She's just text me to say she's just had to go and pick him up from school and bring him home.
He's not right. I'm getting really worried now. He's never been like this before.
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Binky
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Post by Binky on Jun 13, 2022 9:10:33 GMT
Sounds like something or someone at school is getting to them. Have you had the bullying chat?
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Binky
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Post by Binky on Jun 13, 2022 9:12:52 GMT
Yeah, we're watching it with the 12 year old too. He's loving it - we're generally quite strict about such things (especially games) but he seems to be handling this ok. It's Pandora's Box though, he'll be hassling us to watch all manner of horror now, I am sure. We've been really quite strict on things like this. The most he's allowed to play is Destiny (a 16) but that's an exception to the rule. Stranger Things has been the scariest thing he's ever watched, but this new season definitely goes for the J-horror/Nightmare on elm street approach which was something I wasn't prepared for. Bad parenting on my part for not checking beforehand.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Jun 13, 2022 9:16:53 GMT
FFS She's just text me to say she's just had to go and pick him up from school and bring him home. He's not right. I'm getting really worried now. He's never been like this before. Is there anything coming up at the end of the year to mark the transition to secondary school? Maybe he is anxious about the change? Or as other, is there bullying started? Hope it sorts out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 9:22:26 GMT
Had the bullying chat, and gone through what could be worrying him. He's nervous about high school but as I say, he doesn't feel as though he's THAT nervous. There are some transition days coming up I really don't want him to miss, and the fact he's missing out on all the end of school stuff that his class are doing. I'm all upside down with it and genuinely don't know what to do apart from taking the time myself tomorrow and getting him in there personally. He gets up, and he's fine. Closer to school it gets, the more weirded out he is. I go to work and then he's alone with the wife for 15 mins before he needs to go. That's when things seem to fall apart. She tries to take him and it just doesn't happen. She managed to get him in this morning and then got a phone call almost as soon as she got home to go and get him.
Two weeks ago he was off Mon, Tue & Wed. Last week he was off Mon, Half of Wed, Thurs & Fri and now this week he's missed Monday and fuck knows what else.
We have never had any trouble getting him to school since the first day of P1.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Jun 13, 2022 9:29:41 GMT
Had the bullying chat, and gone through what could be worrying him. He's nervous about high school but as I say, he doesn't feel as though he's THAT nervous. There are some transition days coming up I really don't want him to miss, and the fact he's missing out on all the end of school stuff that his class are doing. I'm all upside down with it and genuinely don't know what to do apart from taking the time myself tomorrow and getting him in there personally. He gets up, and he's fine. Closer to school it gets, the more weirded out he is. I go to work and then he's alone with the wife for 15 mins before he needs to go. That's when things seem to fall apart. She tries to take him and it just doesn't happen. She managed to get him in this morning and then got a phone call almost as soon as she got home to go and get him.
Two weeks ago he was off Mon, Tue & Wed. Last week he was off Mon, Half of Wed, Thurs & Fri and now this week he's missed Monday and fuck knows what else.
We have never had any trouble getting him to school since the first day of P1.
How's the wife with it all? Is she emotional about him leaving primary? Maybe picking up on that?
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Jun 13, 2022 9:31:37 GMT
That sounds tough Wunty, no wonder you're worried about it.
My initial thought would have been bullying, or something else at school that is really causing him concern. You've had the chat though, so unless he's really good at hiding it, I can see why you're at a loss.
Might be worth chatting with the school directly to see what they've noticed (if anything)? How is his behaviour with friends, usual clubs/activities he does, does everything seem normal there? Everything else okay in life, nothing else that could be causing him concern?
My daughter is a very different age (5) but she was a more reluctant to go to school after one of her friends changed schools. She got over it, but we notice that her behaviour changes with things like that (we had various issues when we reocated last year, as you'd expect).
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Jun 13, 2022 9:32:44 GMT
Had the bullying chat, and gone through what could be worrying him. He's nervous about high school but as I say, he doesn't feel as though he's THAT nervous. There are some transition days coming up I really don't want him to miss, and the fact he's missing out on all the end of school stuff that his class are doing. I'm all upside down with it and genuinely don't know what to do apart from taking the time myself tomorrow and getting him in there personally. He gets up, and he's fine. Closer to school it gets, the more weirded out he is. I go to work and then he's alone with the wife for 15 mins before he needs to go. That's when things seem to fall apart. She tries to take him and it just doesn't happen. She managed to get him in this morning and then got a phone call almost as soon as she got home to go and get him.
Two weeks ago he was off Mon, Tue & Wed. Last week he was off Mon, Half of Wed, Thurs & Fri and now this week he's missed Monday and fuck knows what else.
We have never had any trouble getting him to school since the first day of P1.
How's the wife with it all? Is she emotional about him leaving primary? Maybe picking up on that? That's a good call Nexus, forget that often how we're feeling directly affects their behaviour too. Very often our stress bleeds onto the kid even when we do our best to shield her from it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 9:33:33 GMT
She said that before he even went in this morning she was stood outside the gate with him for 15 minutes. He said even the school noises were freaking him out. She's like me, we've shown nothing but enthusiasm for him going into high school and we don't generally bring stuff up with him unless he wants us to. He's never got on amazingly well in primary from a social point of view, as every good friend he's had in his class has moved away from there over time. He used to hang about with the year above him, but obviously they haven't been there this year, and he doesn't see them outside of school anymore - and he used to. He has mates in his class, but no good mates. It's weird. They like him and are always asking him to do things, but he has no patience for them.
His BB's is finished for the term, and his wednesday night's rowing is finished til after summer as well. So he is kicking about himself most evenings just now. I don't want to do too much with him as I feel it's important for him to make more of an effort with children his own age that are so obviously wanting to spend time with him. I hate that he's just himself a lot of the time though just now, and it's definitely not helping him.
I feel like he's never been more alien to me than he is right now and I'm failing him somehow.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 9:37:43 GMT
His class teacher of the last 2 and a half years left just before Easter as well, and I don't think that's helped, as he was very attuned to the boy and was really good.
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Jun 13, 2022 9:44:11 GMT
I feel like he's never been more alien to me than he is right now and I'm failing him somehow. You'd be failing him if you didn't give a fuck, and that's certainly not true mate. I keep re-typing this post to try and post something helpful... wish there was an obvious solution to this one. It might be anxiety, that's a creeper and sometimes is specifically brought on in certain situations (I can relate to that, my anxiety has been up and down through the years). Mine always flares up when other things are lurking subconsciously and it can take a while to figure out what and why. My worst moments of anxiety are dealing with things months, years afterwards, so it could be something that happened a while back and it has been bubbling under the surface for a while. I dunno, that might not be helpful at all.
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mikeck
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Post by mikeck on Jun 13, 2022 9:46:11 GMT
His class teacher of the last 2 and a half years left just before Easter as well, and I don't think that's helped, as he was very attuned to the boy and was really good. I could well be this, and it's just taken a little while to surface.
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Post by harrypalmer on Jun 13, 2022 9:46:42 GMT
It sounds like anxiety to me. I used to have a similar sounding thing in secondary school - I'd feel faint, go white, sweaty etc. I only recently realised (after it started happening again) that it was panic attacks. In all likelihood it will be to do with moving to high school, maybe picking up on some of your anxiety about that too. You're not failing him, it's really hard. I have - no advice but I'd speak to the school, find some way of reassuring him, he'll have a great time once he's there etc. He probably has no idea what is causing it, but it'll be a combination of things. Sorry that you're going through this, its the worst thing in the world not being able to help your kids, but its not your fault.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 9:57:57 GMT
Thanks guys. I'm going to have another chat with him tonight. Funnily enough, he seems to be a lot more verbose with the Mrs this mroning at home than he has ever been before and the high school is getting mentioned quite a lot. She's just been filling me in. She also said that he just said something along the lines of wanting more time in Primary School and he feels everyone will be looking at him. So that's a big step forward in telling me what the root cause could be.
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Post by harrypalmer on Jun 13, 2022 10:31:24 GMT
It's such a scary thing! I remember being very lucky that 2 of my best friends were going into the same class as me, so we toughed it out together, but no doubt I was still anxious. I also remember that once we got there it was fine. Rooting for him!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 10:38:49 GMT
His general anxiety has definitely ramped up a notch over the past 6-8 months or so, so I'm not compeltely surprised that something is manifesting now tbh. He's getting into that super fun age I think.
Beyond a chat again with him later though, in the meantime I'm not sure what else I can do. The school have at least been sympathetic, and I wonder if Covid is to blame as well. Bound to be having an impact, all the upset over the last couple of years. Then his teacher going, plus he's going into his teens, plus the stresses of high school looming etc.
I just miss his happy little face.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 13, 2022 10:39:26 GMT
Yeah, we're watching it with the 12 year old too. He's loving it - we're generally quite strict about such things (especially games) but he seems to be handling this ok. It's Pandora's Box though, he'll be hassling us to watch all manner of horror now, I am sure. We've been really quite strict on things like this. The most he's allowed to play is Destiny (a 16) but that's an exception to the rule. Stranger Things has been the scariest thing he's ever watched, but this new season definitely goes for the J-horror/Nightmare on elm street approach which was something I wasn't prepared for. Bad parenting on my part for not checking beforehand. We've let him play some 16s, mostly fantasy stuff (Spideys, GotG, star wars etc). Anything with actual guns, blood and gore is a no no though. He was a bit taken a back by the end of E1 but fine since.
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Post by Dougs on Jun 13, 2022 10:44:15 GMT
Def talk to the school wunty. Dunno what it's like north of the border, but here there was a transition week in the summer hols for some kids who would benefit from greater orientation. My eldest did it and he benefitted hugely. Meant he knew where everything was, made some new friends etc without 1000 other kids being about. Took away much of the anxiety.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 11:05:57 GMT
Cheers Dougs, yeah I will. He's got a transition day towards the end of the week which I'm hoping will help alot, if I can get him to it...
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Post by Dougs on Jun 13, 2022 11:57:03 GMT
The only reason the boy was so easily convinced to give up 5 days of gaming/beach was the promise of a tablet if he attended every day! He was duly disappointed with the quality of said tablet!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2022 12:10:10 GMT
I do think that if he just gets back to school a lot of this will break, it's becoming a monster inside his head. Just off the phone to the wife, she's had quite the morning with him, he's a mess. Hmm.
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Post by snackplissken on Jun 13, 2022 12:18:11 GMT
Sounds like me when I transitioned from primary to secondary. Absolutely hated secondary school until we moved. Proper bunch of cunts in my year too, and never kept in touch with any of them. Sadly a lot of the anxiety carried onto into adulthood, which I still get now and then.
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Jun 13, 2022 12:31:23 GMT
The only reason the boy was so easily convinced to give up 5 days of gaming/beach was the promise of a tablet if he attended every day! He was duly disappointed with the quality of said tablet! 😀 You should have handed him an ibuprofen first for the lols!
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Post by Dougs on Jun 13, 2022 14:51:07 GMT
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2022 8:27:11 GMT
Well, he's in school, so lets see how it goes today. I went in later to work so I could walk him in. I just talked about video games and other inane shit to keep his mind off it all. We had a big talk last night which helped as well (I hope) and he seemed to wake up this morning with a slightly different mind-set. He started to get anxious when we reached the gates but went in anyway. I hung around until the bell went and by that point two of his mates had gone over to him and they were talking away by the time he was walking in.
Really hope he has an okay day.
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