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Post by pierrepressure on Sept 6, 2021 8:51:57 GMT
This thread certainly puts things into perspective.
I've got a 13 year old lad and the stuff we've seen on his phone is quite worrying. Lots of sex talk and general toxic behaviour which is probably the most upsetting as we have never taught him to act that way. In his defence most of the comments are coming from his mates but we've noticed a general lack of respect when talking to his girlfriend which we've pointed out is unacceptable.
To top this off he got his nose broke at school after some lad just flipped and totally blindsided him.
He had to be put under a few days after the incident and when I watched him go to sleep I broke down in tears, never seen him look so helpless and it just broke me.
We also have a 3 year old who is extremely high maintenance, everything is a drama and can be so exhausting to deal with. He's just gone to nursery 4 days a week and working from home now is pure bliss. During lockdown it was very difficult as my other half works in the NHS and I had to work and look after him. Felt like I should have taken some time off due to the stress but all OK for now anyway ha.
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Post by Reviewer on Sept 6, 2021 8:53:19 GMT
Ours have toast and watch something between 6 and 6:30, they then both go up and get ready for bed, the youngest has milk while they both have two stories. We’ve done that every single day since they were about 6 months old. They’re 5 and 2 1/2 now.
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hedben
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Post by hedben on Sept 6, 2021 9:36:29 GMT
pierrepressure I had to WFH with a 5 year old for the various lockdowns so I feel your pain, glad it's improved now with nursery. Good you're keeping an eye on your 13yo's phone habits too - we have a rule with my daughter (also 13) that we can check her phone at any time. I'm not sure at what age she can have an expectation of privacy, but with all the concerns about cyberbullying and stuff they can see on social media, we're not there yet.
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marcp
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Post by marcp on Sept 6, 2021 9:36:57 GMT
I feel better after catching up on all this.
We've five between us - partners girls are 16 & 11, I've two 17 & 6 plus my lad of almost 12.
We've had a 'mare with her eldest - she's autistic and gets quite obsessional about things in general, but she's become tangled up in a quite unhealthy relationship, to the point where she doesn't seem to be interested in any other person, at all anymore. We've gone from relative calm, to her having gone missing several times, the police being involved, every service in existence taking interest, and general chaos. It's settled for now, but it put quite the strain on us. Watching your partner receive a text from her daughter proclaiming 'I hope you die in a car crash' is not the most pleasant of things.
The rest, thankfully are pretty OK. I've had some anger issues with my lad, particularly with gaming, but he's had a rough couple of years with his Mum and I splitting, so I've made the odd allowance. Thankfully, my partner is brilliant and we've pretty similar rules about parenting which helps massively.
The weird thing is, I dated the lady I'm with now as teens, but both ended up with other people. They were pretty shitty relationships of roughly the same period - 20 years for her, 15 years or so for me, and we cracked and left them at around the same time. Once we got together, our ex's sought each other out and ended up doing the same, which is a deeply weird situation to be in.
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 9:39:33 GMT
This thread certainly puts things into perspective. I've got a 13 year old lad and the stuff we've seen on his phone is quite worrying. Lots of sex talk and general toxic behaviour which is probably the most upsetting as we have never taught him to act that way. In his defence most of the comments are coming from his mates but we've noticed a general lack of respect when talking to his girlfriend which we've pointed out is unacceptable. To top this off he got his nose broke at school after some lad just flipped and totally blindsided him. He had to be put under a few days after the incident and when I watched him go to sleep I broke down in tears, never seen him look so helpless and it just broke me. We also have a 3 year old who is extremely high maintenance, everything is a drama and can be so exhausting to deal with. He's just gone to nursery 4 days a week and working from home now is pure bliss. During lockdown it was very difficult as my other half works in the NHS and I had to work and look after him. Felt like I should have taken some time off due to the stress but all OK for now anyway ha. Jesus, this really is a worry. Hope to have a few years before we get to that level with phones and such, and maybe there will be developments for the better in social media. Maybe not. I can't imagine having violent pain inflicted on either of them - must have been terrible. What did he need put under for? Alright now? |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2021 9:46:48 GMT
We don't do social media, so told the kids they couldn't either (helped by them being under age for it). When their friends started picking on each other on social media, they realised they weren't missing anything.It's helped by their school having a "no phone policy" apart from at set times.
I remember years ago with another partner sorting out a virus for her 11 year old son and finding lots of very hard core porn on the laptop. That was a wake up call. I've got a filter on my router that won't stop someone determined, but should stop them getting inundated but porn if they look up anything innocent.
Can't say I'm a great parent though, but I'm doing what I can.
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Bongo Heracles
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Post by Bongo Heracles on Sept 6, 2021 9:54:56 GMT
We keep an eye on the girls (13) phone and some of the whatsapp chats are pretty funny. Its just kids talking shit. One girl signs on every morning with 'Alright, Fuckers?!' which makes me laugh. Some of them step over the line but they are ruthless at weeding it out. Boom. Gone from every group chat.
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Sept 6, 2021 10:22:47 GMT
We have read a story to the boy every night of his life since he was about 2 weeks old. It's partly what I credit his good wordiness with. Every night. Routine now is they get a story together on the bunk beds, bugger-lugs put to bed with a little song then we go to the other bedroom for his story. I read it then put him to bed. He loves the story time so much but is not at the stage of reading The Hobbit or something for himself so it will continue for a good bit yet. It will be a real heartache when the story time stops - I love it more than them I think... Supertato to the rescue! Or Super-potato as my youngest loves to rename it to, cracks me up everytime  |
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 10:33:33 GMT
We have read a story to the boy every night of his life since he was about 2 weeks old. It's partly what I credit his good wordiness with. Every night. Routine now is they get a story together on the bunk beds, bugger-lugs put to bed with a little song then we go to the other bedroom for his story. I read it then put him to bed. He loves the story time so much but is not at the stage of reading The Hobbit or something for himself so it will continue for a good bit yet. It will be a real heartache when the story time stops - I love it more than them I think... Supertato to the rescue! Or Super-potato as my youngest loves to rename it to, cracks me up everytime Aye! Super-potato is great! It's great having 2 kids at different ages - we get to read the classics like Supertato and I Need A New Bum with the little one and then The Hobbit or some Famous Five with the boy. Another thing that gets me about books these days is the quality of reference book material. We have books about bees, trees, underground utilities and what's in the sea, world maps illustrated, castles etc. They are beautiful and expansive and a joy to learn from. Back in the day it was a big dump of encyclopaedias with one 'plate' every 10 pages in black and white ffs. |
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Post by Reviewer on Sept 6, 2021 10:34:34 GMT
We don't do social media, so told the kids they couldn't either (helped by them being under age for it). When their friends started picking on each other on social media, they realised they weren't missing anything. This is my plan for when they get there, who knows how they’ll react but there’s no way they’ll be going on unless I can think of a very good reason. I generally hate all social media and for kids it send to focus on them getting naked, abusing each other or talking shit then they can skip it for a few years. |
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Post by jeepers on Sept 6, 2021 11:01:19 GMT
We have read a story to the boy every night of his life since he was about 2 weeks old. It's partly what I credit his good wordiness with. Every night. Routine now is they get a story together on the bunk beds, bugger-lugs put to bed with a little song then we go to the other bedroom for his story. I read it then put him to bed. He loves the story time so much but is not at the stage of reading The Hobbit or something for himself so it will continue for a good bit yet. It will be a real heartache when the story time stops - I love it more than them I think... Supertato to the rescue! Or Super-potato as my youngest loves to rename it to, cracks me up everytime You may already have found them, but my five (nearly six) year-old daughter loves the Mr Gum books. And to be fair, they’re often genuinely funny. Worth hunting out I reckon. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2021 11:07:19 GMT
The Wild Robot is pretty good. I'm reading the second one to my boy at the minute.
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Post by clemfandango on Sept 6, 2021 11:09:37 GMT
My eldest has just started high school today, can't quite believe it, its true when they say it goes so fast....
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Sept 6, 2021 11:27:35 GMT
Cheers gents! Birthdays at the end of the month, so added both of those.
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marcp
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Post by marcp on Sept 6, 2021 11:28:36 GMT
My eldest has just started high school today, can't quite believe it, its true when they say it goes so fast.... My lad's first day as well. Bloody scary. I think I'm more worried than he is. He's a bit sensitive and not a fighter at all, which worries me. |
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Post by clemfandango on Sept 6, 2021 11:30:52 GMT
My eldest has just started high school today, can't quite believe it, its true when they say it goes so fast.... My lad's first day as well. Bloody scary. I think I'm more worried than he is. He's a bit sensitive and not a fighter at all, which worries me. Did he go with some friends from Primary school? My daughter has about three friends from her primary class in her high school class so that's made it a bit easier |
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 11:31:33 GMT
Yeah, that was us last week.
On SM and phones, the boy has his own phone but it's locked early morning/night and I control what apps he has, and also check it from time to time. No SM, very little YouTube. He has WhatsApp but that's mostly for chatting whilst playing games with his mates. There was some bullying last year on it, but he wasn't invited in to the relevant groups and wasn't really that fussed. We'll see how things shake out as he meets new mates/groups at secondary.
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Post by pierrepressure on Sept 6, 2021 11:46:40 GMT
This thread certainly puts things into perspective. I've got a 13 year old lad and the stuff we've seen on his phone is quite worrying. Lots of sex talk and general toxic behaviour which is probably the most upsetting as we have never taught him to act that way. In his defence most of the comments are coming from his mates but we've noticed a general lack of respect when talking to his girlfriend which we've pointed out is unacceptable. To top this off he got his nose broke at school after some lad just flipped and totally blindsided him. He had to be put under a few days after the incident and when I watched him go to sleep I broke down in tears, never seen him look so helpless and it just broke me. We also have a 3 year old who is extremely high maintenance, everything is a drama and can be so exhausting to deal with. He's just gone to nursery 4 days a week and working from home now is pure bliss. During lockdown it was very difficult as my other half works in the NHS and I had to work and look after him. Felt like I should have taken some time off due to the stress but all OK for now anyway ha. Jesus, this really is a worry. Hope to have a few years before we get to that level with phones and such, and maybe there will be developments for the better in social media. Maybe not. I can't imagine having violent pain inflicted on either of them - must have been terrible. What did he need put under for? Alright now? They just had to set his nose back into place, they were quite confident that it would fall back into how it was before the incident. It was only a small procedure, 15/20 mins tops but felt like an eternity. He's very lucky as you can't tell the difference but when it happened it was a right old mess. |
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 11:56:42 GMT
Nothing harder than seeing your kids hurt or having to have an op etc. 2 prem kids in NICU for 4 and 2 weeks respectively, 1 X 2 week stay in PICU, and a 7 hour cranial op for my youngest. That was obviously the hardest, taking her down to theatre was torture. Seem to have come out of a lot of that now, thank fuck.
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Post by clemfandango on Sept 6, 2021 11:59:52 GMT
Nothing harder than seeing your kids hurt or having to have an op etc. 2 prem kids in NICU for 4 and 2 weeks respectively, 1 X 2 week stay in PICU, and a 7 hour cranial op for my youngest. That was obviously the hardest, taking her down to theatre was torture. Seem to have come out of a lot of that now, thank fuck. That sounds awful, I had my youngest 5 days in hospital with the diabetes and I wasn't allowed in to see her due to COVID (my wife stayed in the hospital), I had to drop clothes and stuff off at reception. But I at least knew she was in safe hands. Can't imagine what its like to see your child taken off for surgery.... |
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 12:03:49 GMT
Nothing harder than seeing your kids hurt or having to have an op etc. 2 prem kids in NICU for 4 and 2 weeks respectively, 1 X 2 week stay in PICU, and a 7 hour cranial op for my youngest. That was obviously the hardest, taking her down to theatre was torture. Seem to have come out of a lot of that now, thank fuck. That sounds awful, I had my youngest 5 days in hospital with the diabetes and I wasn't allowed in to see her due to COVID (my wife stayed in the hospital), I had to drop clothes and stuff off at reception. But I at least knew she was in safe hands. Can't imagine what its like to see your child taken off for surgery.... It is the strangest feeling in the world. Through the big doors where you can't follow... |
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 12:04:18 GMT
Obviously hard but I knew she was in very good hands. They do the op all the time with no issues. But still, always that risk. The shit these surgeons do is just amazing - neurosurgeon had to stitch her cranial membrane together after the plastic surgeon nicked it! They'll keep asking about another op she can have but fuck that.
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RobEG
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Post by RobEG on Sept 6, 2021 12:22:04 GMT
My boy had (planned) open heart surgery at 2 days old. That was tough letting them take him away. He was a tiny baby too, 5.15 I think. Fortunately it has just been the one op so far and he seems to be doing really well. On a more cheery note, I had my first match as coach of my boy's U10s football team at the weekend. 3-2 win  |
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mcmonkeyplc
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Post by mcmonkeyplc on Sept 6, 2021 12:22:12 GMT
This thread really puts things into perspective!
Here I am pooping myself about taking my son to his first swimming session this Saturday and we have you guys talking about taking your kids into operations where they go under!
:/
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 12:29:28 GMT
All relative though innit
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tyke
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Post by tyke on Sept 6, 2021 12:37:26 GMT
The hours of my eldests Heart Surgery were the worst hours of my life. He's 13 next month and likely to need a second one in the next few years. Really not looking forward to that. RobEG Was your boy's issue picked up at a scan? |
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RobEG
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Post by RobEG on Sept 6, 2021 12:40:53 GMT
The hours of my eldests Heart Surgery were the worst hours of my life. He's 13 next month and likely to need a second one in the next few years. Really not looking forward to that. RobEG Was your boy's issue picked up at a scan? Yeah, TGA picked up at the 20 week scan thankfully so everything was planned and in place. Longest 4 hours of my life that was! He has annual checkups at GOSH and all has been really good so far. They can't say for sure whether or not he'll need another op as a teenager though. |
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 13:10:47 GMT
All relative though innit Yeah, exactly this. |
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benno
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Post by benno on Sept 6, 2021 14:05:26 GMT
I don't think I was ever in the Dad's group as I only became a Dad a year ago. Nice to see this thread exist! I should be able to learn a lot judging from the stories that have been shared so far. I may as well share mine, as we didn't have the most straightforward birth. May trigger some people who have experienced NICU or similar, so consider skipping - it might be a little graphic so apologies. Due to a placental abruption at 24 weeks, our son ended up being born at only 28 weeks - so super premature. He was 800 grams (or about 1 pound 15 ounces) at birth, and could pretty much fit in one of my hands. Babies born this early are immediately put on ventilation as standard. He was stabilised and put in the NICU, and all seemed to be well for the first 24 hours. The next day, he was showing all the signs of wanting to breath himself, so what they do is attempt an 'extubation' i.e. pull out the ventilation tube and try and graduate them onto the next tier of respiratory support, which in this case was one of the CPAP air masks. They tried it, and he managed to breath for a couple of minutes, but then was too tired to continue breathing and his oxygen saturation started dropping. This isn't completely uncommon: you just put the ventilation tube back in and maybe try again in a few days/a week once they've gained more strength. However when they tried to put the tube back in, something wasn't right. They saw no movement in his chest suggesting that there was a blockage. They tried wiggling it around a bit. Still nothing. By this point his oxygen saturation had dropped to ~60% or so and it had turned into an emergency with additional doctors and nurses rushing in to support. They tried pulling the tube out and putting it back in. Still nothing. Another, more experienced consultant tried again, and still nothing. By this point, he had gone 30 minutes without breathing and was starting to die: completely blue and heart rate dropping. They pumped him full of adrenaline and starting giving thumb CPR chest compressions. The consultant gave it one last try, did exactly the same thing as the previous 3 times, but miraculously it stuck and it began to stabilise him. He'd gone almost 40 minutes without breathing, and his oxygen saturation had dropped to about 17% IIRC. I will never forget how he looked afterwards. Completely white, with a bloody chest due to the chest compressions ripping away his tissue paper skin. A lot of the other stuff around this period has softened in time, but that’s still crystal clear. He was very weak and needed more specialist care, so was immediately transferred via ambulance to a tertiary NICU 1.5 hours away. We were given a place to stay next door to the unit. We were there for 5 weeks. Every day was like staring into an abyss. Beyond his critical airway condition, he got sepsis, suspected meningitis, countless blood and platelet transfusions. We came very close. Twice. At one point we thought he was near enough brain dead, as his body began intermittently violently twitching. Turns out he'd had so much morphine during his first three weeks of life that he was suffering from opiate withdrawal. Imagine that: opium withdrawal at minus 8 weeks old. This was all during COVID of course. So we could only spend 2 hours a day with him, and couldn't see friends or family. And every conversation with his clinical team (i.e. the most vulnerable and impactful conversations of your life) were done behind masks. It was quite the experience. At one month, he was strong enough for them to attempt the extubation under theatre. They went down with a camera first to check for any blockage and couldn't see anything. The most likely explanation was that there was a mucus plug blocking the ventilator, which had dissolved in time. He finally graduated to his CPAP machine, and we returned to the NICU in our home town where he spent another few weeks. He had a couple of hernia surgeries at another hospital, and finally came home in November last year, about a week before his actual due date. To end on a positive note: he is doing well now! He was 1 year old yesterday, and we had a nice big first birthday party for him, with all the family. He seems to be 'hitting his milestones' as they say, but about 3 months later (as you would expect). It was a year ago today he had is hypoxic episode, so good time to reflect I guess. I am off with him for a month now, whilst his mum goes back to work - I'm looking forward to spending this time with him. He's just napping now whilst I write this. In terms of his future development, who knows. Being born at 28 weeks isn't great, and being born at 28 weeks and going through what he went through probably isn't going to land you in Mensa any time soon. However, as long as he can be happy and live a certain quality of life, that’s all we care about. Given what was on the line, it kind of resets your reference point for what a good life should be. Certainly didn't price all this in when we decided to try for a baby  |
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 14:19:24 GMT
fucksake
You are doing well to get all that down on the page never mind dealing with it in real time.
Glad the youngster is doing well now and as you say it resets the expectation level just a little. Intubation is the thing that I keep coming back to when thinking about re-starting social life indoors - I've seen mine inutbated once or twice too often and don't want to risk it again.
Keep doing what you're doing dude
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