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Post by jeepers on Sept 6, 2021 14:23:18 GMT
Hey benno -
You’ve done your family proud there. Hard to read but obviously a thousand tunes harder to live thro’. Glad that your boy is pushing thro’ - tough little fella isn’t he?
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tyke
New Member
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Post by tyke on Sept 6, 2021 14:23:49 GMT
The hours of my eldests Heart Surgery were the worst hours of my life. He's 13 next month and likely to need a second one in the next few years. Really not looking forward to that. RobEG Was your boy's issue picked up at a scan? Yeah, TGA picked up at the 20 week scan thankfully so everything was planned and in place. Longest 4 hours of my life that was! He has annual checkups at GOSH and all has been really good so far. They can't say for sure whether or not he'll need another op as a teenager though. My boy had Tetralogy of Fallot so needed a new valve which is what they'll probably need to replace as he gets older. He has a yearly scan at Alder Hey to check for "Leakage". He was only diagnosed at 3 months when we took him too the Doctor's with a chest infection so it was a big shock but I can only imagine what it was like to worry for 20 weeks before your baby is even born!
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Post by clemfandango on Sept 6, 2021 14:27:36 GMT
As a parent there are some really difficult to read but truly heart warming posts in here. I applaud all you dads who have gone through so much and wish you all the best. It really puts my stuff into perspective too
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RobEG
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Post by RobEG on Sept 6, 2021 14:31:44 GMT
Yeah, TGA picked up at the 20 week scan thankfully so everything was planned and in place. Longest 4 hours of my life that was! He has annual checkups at GOSH and all has been really good so far. They can't say for sure whether or not he'll need another op as a teenager though. My boy had Tetralogy of Fallot so needed a new valve which is what they'll probably need to replace as he gets older. He has a yearly scan at Alder Hey to check for "Leakage". He was only diagnosed at 3 months when we took him too the Doctor's with a chest infection so it was a big shock but I can only imagine what it was like to worry for 20 weeks before your baby is even born! It was obviously stressful, but we were glad because it meant everything could be put in place for his birth and his operation planned. If it hadn't been diagnosed he would have just starting turning blue and had to go in for emergency surgery, which is much worse really. Like I said, he's doing really well now. Going well at school, plays football without any problems so fingers crossed that continues. Love and respect to all mums and dads on here going through whatever problems, big or small! It's all bloody stressful regardless!
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tyke
New Member
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Post by tyke on Sept 6, 2021 14:32:27 GMT
benno That's a tough read never mind experiencing it. Sounds like you have a real fighter you've got on your hands though! Enjoy your time off with him, he'll be a teenager before you know it!
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 15:21:08 GMT
And there's the phone call from the paediatrician to say the thyroid test we were at the other week has come back on the low side. Now there needs to be full blood tests done to establish what's what.
One damn thing after another.
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 16:37:06 GMT
Ah Benno. My heart goes out to you and your partner mate. Sounds like you all knocked it out of the park and pulled together. And what a little fighter you've got there! Agree entirely about expectations - it puts all the small stuff in to perspective.
Given the posts over the last few pages, I thought I'd share this. It's a poem that I have shared before which really resonated with me and my wife when my daughter was diagnosed with a couple of rare genetic conditions.
"WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says,”Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?”you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland."
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Post by jeepers on Sept 6, 2021 16:45:43 GMT
Bless you Dougs. You really are ace.
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 17:11:19 GMT
/blushes.
Genuinely though, it really did help. Even if now, my daughter has far exceeded expectations compared to when diagnosed at 28 weeks. Hope it helps others too.
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Post by jeepers on Sept 6, 2021 17:27:00 GMT
/blushes. Genuinely though, it really did help. Even if now, my daughter has far exceeded expectations compared to when diagnosed at 28 weeks. Hope it helps others too. It’s a lovely piece of writing and I’m sure it will mean something to folk.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2021 17:45:24 GMT
Benno, you're a tougher guy than I am and it sounds like your little one is too. Certainly a fighter.
Hope things work out for you all and until then, just enjoy every precious moment.
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hedben
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Formerly: hedben2013
Posts: 1,960
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Post by hedben on Sept 6, 2021 18:04:33 GMT
As a parent there are some really difficult to read but truly heart warming posts in here. I applaud all you dads who have gone through so much and wish you all the best. It really puts my stuff into perspective too Yeah this is basically how I'm feeling too. My lot have had hospital trips for broken limbs, hernias, even severe eczema, but nothing like what some of you have been through. When people have asked me how I cope with sleepless nights, constant bickering or whatever I tend to say "You just cope because you have to, someone's relying on you, what other choice do you have?". Some of the stories here seem to be pushing that to the limit, but hopefully it holds. Well done for coping gents.
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Post by f00b_inc on Sept 6, 2021 18:05:37 GMT
Hats off to all of you sharing your experiences here - some incredible stories and you're all legends! I'm glad I poked my head in here after never having bothered back on EG seeing as we only had our first 3 months ago! Glad to know there's somewhere I can pop to for advice outside of the match.com thread. Actually after reading some of the challenges here I feel like we have been lucky to have a relatively uncomplicated few months... In fact to echo mcmonkeyplc we are taking the wee boy for his first swimming lesson tomorrow!
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nexus6
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 6, 2021 18:17:40 GMT
Nice on Foob. Top tip for kiddies around 3 or 4 months - get the nappies the next size up and sling one on at night (on the child of course) and it will see them through to the morning comfortably with no rash or wetness. Sweeeeeet
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Post by Dougs on Sept 6, 2021 19:13:32 GMT
I was trying to think what my top tip is for new borns....and I just can't remember. Took a scroll down memory lane on the dad's club though, which brought it all back. That place was so helpful for me and many others embarking on the journey for the first time. Loads of good advice and stories. Shame to lose it all really. (I did remember really and it's) Routine, routine, routine
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Post by Mageme on Sept 6, 2021 19:21:24 GMT
I learnt from the dad's group to put the clean nappy underneath baby first before removing the dirty nappy, then you are ready for any sudden projectile accidents rather than scrabbling around for a new nappy. Good advice that!
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benno
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Post by benno on Sept 6, 2021 20:39:52 GMT
Thanks for supportive words guys
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Post by blizeh on Sept 7, 2021 7:09:39 GMT
"WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley. Love this, thanks for posting
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marcp
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Post by marcp on Sept 7, 2021 7:43:57 GMT
Yeah, I've chocked up a bit reading some of this, kudos to you gents.
So, to lighten the mood, I'll tell you about the boy's latest mishap(s). First once is innocuous enough. Went in for his taster day last week, came home without the new Predator boots I'd bought him, adamant that he'd put them in his bag and someone must have stolen them. We know one of the classroom assistants, so she nipped in early yesterday and found them where he'd left them, on the changing room bench.Why I bought Predators I don't know, because he's about as coordinated as I am. Oh well, all's well that ends well.
Today though, he's off school. About three weeks ago I bought a bag of 'Mr Singhs' hot crisps online. Not the multi pack crisps, the six quid a bag 'hottest crisps in the world' ones. They're fucking hot. Got a few people at work with them, had half a bag left on the kitchen counter.
He's pogged them, taken them back to his mum's, then spent last night handing them out to all his mates. Unfortunately, whatever they're coated in has caused a fuck-off allergic reaction, and he was taken into A&E early this morning with hands the size of balloons. They've given him tablets and everything is fine, but yeah, off on his second day. Fucking idiot.
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nexus6
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Posts: 2,151
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 7, 2021 7:46:18 GMT
That is hilarious!
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Post by Tonka (🐑,🪤) on Sept 7, 2021 8:35:00 GMT
I'm so fucking mad right now and I don't know what to do. Yesterday a guy in my eldest (11yo) class was mouthing off during class. My son eventually tired and said a snide remark (again 11yo level snide). Then during recess the other fuckwit got a gang of seven friends together. Cornered my son and punched him in the gut twice. Then someone called him "a fucking china man".
I was sorely tempted to lurk infront of the school this morning and kick some ass. Wrote an angry email instead, which my son didn't want because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
So now I'm all this pent up impotent rage.
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Post by pierrepressure on Sept 7, 2021 8:45:22 GMT
I'm so fucking mad right now and I don't know what to do. Yesterday a guy in my eldest (11yo) class was mouthing off during class. My son eventually tired and said a snide remark (again 11yo level snide). Then during recess the other fuckwit got a gang of seven friends together. Cornered my son and punched him in the gut twice. Then someone called him "a fucking china man". I was sorely tempted to lurk infront of the school this morning and kick some ass. Wrote an angry email instead, which my son didn't want because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. So now I'm all this pent up impotent rage. Oh I know this feeling, the helplessness is what affected me the most with stuff like this. I'm still quite hot headed but learned to accept that 99% of the time it all works itself out. I just keep reminding my eldest that if he's got trouble or questions I'm always here for advice. Not always the best advice but advice all the same.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2021 9:03:13 GMT
Supertato to the rescue! Or Super-potato as my youngest loves to rename it to, cracks me up everytime You may already have found them, but my five (nearly six) year-old daughter loves the Mr Gum books. And to be fair, they’re often genuinely funny. Worth hunting out I reckon. THE TRUTH IS A LEMON MERGINGUE
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marcp
New Member
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Post by marcp on Sept 7, 2021 9:28:09 GMT
I'm so fucking mad right now and I don't know what to do. Yesterday a guy in my eldest (11yo) class was mouthing off during class. My son eventually tired and said a snide remark (again 11yo level snide). Then during recess the other fuckwit got a gang of seven friends together. Cornered my son and punched him in the gut twice. Then someone called him "a fucking china man". I was sorely tempted to lurk infront of the school this morning and kick some ass. Wrote an angry email instead, which my son didn't want because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. So now I'm all this pent up impotent rage. It's hard. My son was bullied all the way through Primary school, and I'm amazed it was allowed to go on for as long as it did. The kid was from a family around the corner from his house, that well, much as I try not to generalise, they were bad news. Eldest lad was drug-taking and getting girls pregnant at 14-15, middle girl was starting to head the same way, and the youngest at my lads age just hounded him mercilessly, both in and out of school. I felt somewhat for the three kids because the parents were worse than useless, I'm not sure why or how their kids weren't in care, but it's hard to be too sympathetic when it's affecting your own. I feel you pain, when I still lived with my son's Mum I had to watch this little arsehole strutting around the streets like he owned the place, while my lad cowered inside reluctant to leave the house. We got services involved a few times, but nothing came of it. I understand the rage completely and totally. Thankfully they've moved away to a different borough, but my lad is in a school other than I'd have chosen for him simply because at the time of choosing, I simply couldn't put him through five more years of this little prick, no matter how good the school was supposed to be.
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Post by Tonka (🐑,🪤) on Sept 7, 2021 9:28:22 GMT
Oh I know this feeling, the helplessness is what affected me the most with stuff like this. I'm still quite hot headed but learned to accept that 99% of the time it all works itself out. Yeah, half of the time I remind myself that they're just kids and that they're all idiots at that age, and as you say, it will hopefully work itself out. The other half I fantasise of kicking down doors and throwing parents out of windows.
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Post by pierrepressure on Sept 7, 2021 10:24:20 GMT
I can be a right vindictive bastard and I've wanted to tell my son so many things that I know about the families.
"That ones Dad left him when he was 6 months old and only came back 2 years later".
"His Mum cheated on his Dad".
Etc.
Thankfully my other half keeps me in check.
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Post by tsr999 on Sept 8, 2021 14:01:28 GMT
So I've lurked at The Other Place for many many years. I used to post a bit, then quit, then lurked, but it's always been there.
This is nothing compared to some of the other posts above, but i hope you don't mind me venting a bit - it's not really the sort of thing my mates can understand, but obvs a bunch of internet strangers are just the ticket.
My 11y/o boy just restarted school. He's ASD (Aspergers as it used to be called). Over the summer his crises have been worse and worse and more and more frequent. Often it ends up holding him and trying to talk him down, frequently in public, as he flails and screams.
Second day back and he melted down and had to be removed by staff and put in an office.
Every time it happens it takes everything not to weep in front of him. Parenting hurts sometimes.
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Post by Dougs on Sept 8, 2021 18:12:43 GMT
it's tough as. Chin up, you are doing all you can.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2021 18:23:23 GMT
Tsr999 as Doug says, you're doing the best you can and your situation doesn't have to be "the worst" to be tough to deal with.
Keep doing what you're doing, but try and look after yourself, in my counseling days, one of the main courses they kept hammering on about was "Caring for the Carer" because it takes it out of you. You need to be able to let it out and if this forum helps with that, then go for it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2021 18:39:49 GMT
So I've lurked at The Other Place for many many years. I used to post a bit, then quit, then lurked, but it's always been there. This is nothing compared to some of the other posts above, but i hope you don't mind me venting a bit - it's not really the sort of thing my mates can understand, but obvs a bunch of internet strangers are just the ticket. My 11y/o boy just restarted school. He's ASD (Aspergers as it used to be called). Over the summer his crises have been worse and worse and more and more frequent. Often it ends up holding him and trying to talk him down, frequently in public, as he flails and screams. Second day back and he melted down and had to be removed by staff and put in an office. Every time it happens it takes everything not to weep in front of him. Parenting hurts sometimes. Yeah keep your chin up matey as Dougs says. It is tough but you will get there. Feel free to unload it all in here. It will make you feel better.
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