The Parenting Thread

To be fair I have no idea how most people do it. My kids are amazing, and ‘normal’ and yet I’m still reaching for a beer as soon as I get in from work.

To all those worrying about communication at a young age, don’t. My oldest was near silent until 3, his friend at nursery was a foreign kid who spoke no English, and yet at some point he blossomed and is now a way above average mathematician and most people say he’s the most polite kid they’ve ever spoken to.

He’s got his daddy’s foibles (very shy around new people, likes staying indoors rather than out), but he’s so lovely I can’t fault him and am immensely proud. So wait til they are older before worrying about things!

Thank you, although I’ve been lurking forever, everyone sharing parenting trials and tribulations has helped me navigate my own kept my sanity and its the main reason I joined fg.

To share my own. I’ve got a pair of 8 year old boys with autism. Luckily we are stable at the moment, but omg the anxiety of what is round the corner as they grow is terrifying, we are just about hanging in main stream school but think we might have to pull one boy out which is crushing to split up the team.

I wake up every day grateful when I hear them chatting to each other at 6 am(why so early ffs). addyb you are amazing as a parent and carer, I can’t even begin to comprehend what you must go through. Your words have helped me over the years, if I can ever return the favour, i’ll be here.

2 year old decided to wake at midnight and only go back to sleep at 6-8 this morning. Yay.

We had our first kiddie back in 2015 and it was a glorious time - model pregnancy and quick easy birth. He is a joy, from that day to this. With the usual caveat of being a little shit when it suits!
We decided to have a second when he wasn't quite 2. All went well as before.
Skip forward to the night of the birth and as she came out the wrapper I immediately thought that chubby little back-of-the-neck and general shape had her looking a bit odd. She was whisked up and to the midwife who pretty much took the words out my mouth - your daughter has some of the signs of having Down's Syndrome. Wow. I went in to a sort of shock and could feel tingling down the length of my arms!
You know you get asked if you want the test but we didn't bother as we couldn't have had an abortion if it had come back positive anyway. So that was a shock.
That night though she was taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit as it turns out she also had an undiagnosed hole in the heart. Over the 3 months she was in NICU and then PICU the whole DS and heart defect stuff just double teamed the shit out of us. Heart failure, collapsed lungs, tests for a specific type of leukaemia that kids with DS can have, heart rate of 320bpm needing ketamine, fentanyl etc.
Because she was so often sedated she never learned to suck feed so breast feeding defo out the window, but she then had a naso gastric tube fitted which stayed in for nearly 3 years. Every day the same - milk goes in tube, spray vomit comes out mouth and nose. Her little tummy just couldn't keep it down. And when the tube comes out it is a trip to hospital to put it back before the training was complete to do it ourselves.
Open heart surgery at 10 weeks - brought forward as it was simply put that she would die if it didn't happen now. Delayed a day for some reason and then simple as that, it was as though a switch had been flipped from 'broken' to 'fixed'
She is now a 4 and a half year old cutie going to regular nursery, terrorising her brother and gran and all her pals. Loves dogs, wants to be one, and generally a lovely life affirming presence to everyone she meets. If you're on the street and don't get a shouted 'HULLO' and a wave then you must have done something very wrong...Bumps in the road are chest infections needing intubation the first few years, a helicopter rescue from the west coast one year and general health issues that are a worry for later years.

Well that was a bit cathartic. I suppose all that is to say yeah its a fucking nightmare having kids at times, but generally everyone finds their rhythm and ways of coping.

Thanks man. There is so much to talk about at the risk of boring people. Genuinely though it's not a 'woe is me' thing.
I was talking to another dad who I am playing football with these days and his kid was diagnosed with leukaemia last year. I was saying how in some ways I miss the hospital - it was a caring, cosy place to be. He looked at me like I was weird.
Other than all the weight I put on comfort eating in the hospital cafe each day, I wouldn't change a thing and am a better person for the experience.

Following on from the ear infection a few weeks back, the little one got a cold. Really bad one that completely wiped her out for days. Up all night coughing etc. Made it’s way to the middle kid, then my wife now it’s got to the eldest. So it’s been about 10 days of it so far and I’m fucking exhausted.

Obviously been taking covid tests every couple of days and so far all ok.

Love it. My 5yo makes me wear an Olaf from Frozen T-shirt at every opportunity. It was originally bought for Xmas 2 years ago and it's... uncomfortably snug now (lockdown belly), but she can be quite persuasive about wardrobe choices, and not just her own.

Shit sorry dude, I have only just seen this. Thanks for the kind words and likewise you're an amazing Parent and carer to be able to deal with your situation. I know others that have flitted between main stream and specialist schools and it must be very stressful. For the bit of fortune we've had school wise, it does take the load off somewhat. The school my girls go to is high school and college all in one. They will basically stay there until they're 19 years old.

Today has been one of the bad days with our youngest. She has cried, screamed and tried to self harm from 4am this morning, all the way through to her bedtime now. Wife has been in tears. It just becomes an absolute drain.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Parenting is tough no matter what the situation, and again if anyone needs my advice on anything, well we now have PM's again people

Yeah, I second the plug ins. Really good. Think we use the Vicks version, but all the same really.

Quick question...do those of you with slightly older kids still read bedtime stories? My 8 and 11 year old still love them, and obviously we oblige. But because they're getting older, bedtimes are later meaning were often not done until 9pm, leaving no time for ourselves. If it was just the stories, that would be fine, but there's always some drama or another that elongates everything. It's a minor whinge but it does do my head in sometimes (like tonight when we had to chase mosquitoes around the house). I know I'll miss it when they stop asking for stories but I won't miss the drama around it!

One thing I heard that can potentially help with this is to ask them to read you a story instead... it’s easier/more relaxing and also encourages them to read rather than being read to, and eventually they will just be happy reading by themselves (apparently). But also maybe this is bad advice since you said you will likely miss it when it stops

Great tip on the diffusers btw thanks guys!

Mine’s got his last(?) molar finally coming through and he’s pretty miserable about it. 9pm bedtime and I’ve already been up once to settle him back down. He’ll be in our bed before half 1 tonight kicking the crap out of us both til he wants breakfast at 6.

The eldest will happily read by himself, but the youngest refuses (mostly as she finds it difficult). As I say, it's not the reading per se, more the arse-ache in getting them upstairs, they use every trick in the book to delay. Takes forever.

Still reading my 8 & 6 yo girls bedtime stories, my eldest takes a while to drop off (same as me) and she insists on me holding her hand until she does so after story time I’m sat the with my arm going numb until about 8-8:30