drhcnip
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Post by drhcnip on Dec 8, 2021 18:35:14 GMT
one other thing i'd say from my experience, pal, painful though it will be
yes, make the memories with your kids, let them know you love them etc etc
but, if you can, leave something 'tactile' as well - my daughter sobbed for a long, long time because my wife hadn't had chance to write something down, like a letter, something that she could read & keep and go back to, something that was in her mum's own 'voice' - how much she loved her, how proud she was of her, what hopes she had for her etc etc...i have no doubt it will be the hardest thing you'll probably ever do, but it will help the grieving process because, in the darkest days, experiences and memories can fade or be overshadowed...they'll return in the long-term, as i know they will for my daughter but it's the one 'regret' i have, that the deterioration happened so suddenly in the end that my wife wasn't even compus mentis enough for me to suggest it...
always here, take care x
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Fake_Blood
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Post by Fake_Blood on Dec 8, 2021 20:18:14 GMT
Bad memories fade over time. My mom is still somewhere in the back of my mind, helping me make the right choices and giving me confidence. Wouldn’t have traded her for anyone else in the world, and neither would your kids trade you Invader. We all spin the genetic roulette wheel when we get born, and all we can do is find people to hold on to and hope for the best. And it sounds like you did exactly that.
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Post by spacein_vader on Dec 9, 2021 16:31:18 GMT
Thanks all for giving me some sanity. I do intend to write letters to my girls so they have something to keep hold of.
They did something today that really helped me. My Eldest finished school & text her mum, asking for permission to pick her sister up from after school club and buy her a chocolate milkshake before walking her home.
She wanted to cheer her sister up and save he mother from having to leave the house, knowing how exhausted she is having cared for me post chemo all night. When they got home both girls gave the biggest hug, asked how I am and shared stories of how their day had gone. They're now helping their mum around the house.
I realised I don't need to meet the women they'll be to know they'll be good people. They already are.
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Vortex
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Post by Vortex on Dec 9, 2021 16:38:45 GMT
That's a nice post, but that last line...
;_;
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JonFE
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Post by JonFE on Dec 9, 2021 16:50:38 GMT
spacein_vader Perhaps you won't accept this, but you are the strongest person I've ever met online; the fact that you deal with your illness this way is both astonishing and inspiring and I'm pretty sure your daughters see and appreciate that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2021 17:56:41 GMT
What vortex said. I ended up reading your post through damp eyes.
Glad your young women are such great girls. Must take after their dad.
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drhcnip
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Post by drhcnip on Dec 9, 2021 18:01:06 GMT
Thanks all for giving me some sanity. I do intend to write letters to my girls so they have something to keep hold of. They did something today that really helped me. My Eldest finished school & text her mum, asking for permission to pick her sister up from after school club and buy her a chocolate milkshake before walking her home. She wanted to cheer her sister up and save he mother from having to leave the house, knowing how exhausted she is having cared for me post chemo all night. When they got home both girls gave the biggest hug, asked how I am and shared stories of how their day had gone. They're now helping their mum around the house. I realised I don't need to meet the women they'll be to know they'll be good people. They already are. last line = exactly x
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quadfather
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Post by quadfather on Dec 9, 2021 18:03:39 GMT
Yes, what vortex said. It's a beautiful person that is doing what you are doing
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2021 18:34:12 GMT
I'll echo all the above. You really are amazing.
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Post by spacein_vader on Dec 16, 2021 8:04:49 GMT
Had a big scare over the weekend, we honestly thought I was dying. Breathing was laboured, I couldn't focus and the pain all felt different. Fortunately I rallied but I suspect that was my bodies 3ay of telling me chemo is now doing more harm than good. This in turn means my lifetime is now measurable in weeks not months.
This made me realised the only thing I still wanted to do before I go was to write letters to my daughters and a few other people. Having now done that, I'm as ready for the inevitable as I'm going to be.
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drhcnip
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Post by drhcnip on Dec 16, 2021 8:12:53 GMT
ah, shit, mate - i'm sorry to hear that, i really am
you're dealing with this with so much dignity & strength, it's an example to us all - there's very little else to say, but i hope whatever time you have is the best it can be with your lovely family and especially your daughters
big hugs to you all x
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2021 8:27:55 GMT
Exactly what drhcnip said. You must be so proud of your girls, who clearly have the same character you do. You are an inspiration spacein_vader.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2021 8:35:10 GMT
I hate seeing this thread on the front page as it's rarely good news. I hope against hope each time I open it though.
Space, I am glad you've done the letters now. Well done. I'm glad I've met you as you've made a positive difference to my life. I'm glad you've made it this far and that you're still with us today.
I hope you beat the odds once again, but I hope whenever the time comes, you're at peace and you know that you've done all that you can. You will live on in your children and they'll always remember you, as will I.
Take care mate. It's not over until it's over. There's still time to beat your high score.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2021 9:27:31 GMT
Sorry to hear that man. I can't think of what to write without it just coming across as endless platitudes and I can only really echo the above. Suffice to say you and your family have never been far from my thoughts these past few weeks and will continue to be in the future. Your posts have been measured and written with such calmness that I cannot fathom. I hope those weeks you envisage will be long and comfortable and you can get as much time with your family as you need to.
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Post by Sarfrin on Dec 16, 2021 20:38:19 GMT
I'm glad you got the chance to write those letters. I hope the time you have left is as good as it can be.
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スコットランド
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Post by スコットランド on Dec 16, 2021 20:57:51 GMT
Had a big scare over the weekend, we honestly thought I was dying. Breathing was laboured, I couldn't focus and the pain all felt different. Fortunately I rallied but I suspect that was my bodies 3ay of telling me chemo is now doing more harm than good. This in turn means my lifetime is now measurable in weeks not months. This made me realised the only thing I still wanted to do before I go was to write letters to my daughters and a few other people. Having now done that, I'm as ready for the inevitable as I'm going to be. Can't say it any better than how drhcnip did. You're so impressive and inspiring, I wouldn't have a fraction of your resolve, your kids have an awesome dad.
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Dec 22, 2021 20:57:27 GMT
Going through a bit of a scare at the moment thanks to a persistent hard lump in my mouth. GP reckons it's probably a cyst or a blocked/injured salivary duct, but I'm worried. I've smoked (mainly weed, never heavily) on and off for most of my adult life, and I've never been shy of a drink.
On my way to the dental health clinic for a consultation right now. GP tried to refer me to an ENT as well, but they mysteriously declined. At the GP again later to try another ENT referral.
Hopefully it's nothing and I won't become a regular in this thread.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2021 21:15:36 GMT
Hope you get the all clear Lizard. A few of us have had that cancer word mentioned in a diagnosis and it's funny how you don't really hear the " chances are is not" before the C word.
Most people who have something suspicious get the all clear and most people when they're waiting start reviewing their lives and thinking of all the things they've done which mean it could be. Funny how you never think of all the exercise and kale smoothies you've drunk.
Fingers crossed.
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Dec 22, 2021 21:28:19 GMT
Thanks Witchking. You're right, there's lots of things that suggest it might not be cancer: seemingly not growing for months, no other symptoms, other than smokes and booze I've always been a stickler for oral hygiene.
It's also amplified by the fact the mouth/throat/neck cancer is pretty much my worst medical fear. If it was a lump almost anywhere else I'd be a lot more rational.
I had a scare about my balls as a teenager, so I've been here before, hopefully nothing again.
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Post by Sarfrin on Dec 22, 2021 22:13:32 GMT
Fingers crossed for you. It probably is nothing, but that's not much comfort until you know for sure.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2021 23:04:29 GMT
Try not to worry Lizard. I was in a similar state a few months ago and had pretty much convinced myself of something. Numerous blood tests, pee and poo tests, scans and other things and it seems to be nothing as bad as I feared. Doesn't stop you thinking the worst however but you're getting it looked into, which is good.
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Dec 23, 2021 4:19:32 GMT
Thank you all. I learned three things today: that the hamular notch is a normal part of the human oral anatomy; that my hamular notch is pretty spectacular, and; this thread is very supportive.
TBH I normally avoid this thread because it freaks me out a bit, so I feel like a bit of an interloper. The other day, when I got my referral, I read back through the last couple of pages. All the best to Spacein_vader's very humbling and inspiring story, I doubt I would deal with it so well.
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Frog
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Post by Frog on Dec 23, 2021 6:58:51 GMT
Had a big scare over the weekend, we honestly thought I was dying. Breathing was laboured, I couldn't focus and the pain all felt different. Fortunately I rallied but I suspect that was my bodies 3ay of telling me chemo is now doing more harm than good. This in turn means my lifetime is now measurable in weeks not months. This made me realised the only thing I still wanted to do before I go was to write letters to my daughters and a few other people. Having now done that, I'm as ready for the inevitable as I'm going to be. Absolutely heartbreaking this is. I know we haven't known you for too long but we are lucky to have met you. The way you handle stuff is just incredible and I hope you get to enjoy Christmas with your family as I remember a few months back that was your wish. Take care dude.
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Post by lordofthedunce on Dec 23, 2021 13:34:01 GMT
Just want to add my best wishes Space for this Christmas with your family. You've touched a lot of folks here with your updates and journey these few months. I'm sad to read it but also take some inspiration from your courage. I don't know you but as just another being in this crazy existence i am with you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2021 14:25:59 GMT
Good post Lord and something I'd second. You've worked hard to get here mate, me I've just moaned about first world problems and had a couple of colds.
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スコットランド
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Post by スコットランド on Dec 23, 2021 15:37:24 GMT
Not for the first time in this thread, the above posters express my sentiments better than I can.
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Post by spacein_vader on Dec 23, 2021 18:34:04 GMT
Thanks all. I'm still kicking for now and feeling much better than when I last posted. Without wanting to jinx anything I'm pretty confident of a good Christmas period, after that who knows but I'll deal with it if/when I get there.
I was worried when the RPS forum closed I'd not find another vidya game forum as supportive as that one. I was very wrong. Thank you all for your kind messages. They do help.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Dec 23, 2021 18:37:16 GMT
That's great to hear spacein, I can only echo what others have said previously far more eloquently than I ever could.
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Ulythium
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Post by Ulythium on Dec 23, 2021 18:41:57 GMT
Best wishes and good vibes from me as well, Mr. in_vader, sir - I've nothing to add that hasn't already been said (and very eloquently, at that), but I hope you have a great festive season with your family.
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Post by Sarfrin on Dec 23, 2021 18:54:14 GMT
Glad to hear Christmas is looking good for you. Have a great time.
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