Depression

I think I'm finally getting my medication changed. I recently started therapy again, and I think my therapist called my GP. On Tuesday I was able to get a call time with my GP. He asked if I'm having suicidal thoughts, and I said every day and I don't think there's any reason to carry on living, and he just said "Okay, I think we can change your medication."

I'm now tapering down on my old meds, currently on day 5. It feels like my head is exploding, and when I turn my head it feels like the whole world is turning with it. Fun times.


Edit: Interestingly enough, just came across this article from two days ago theconversation.com/depression-is-probably-not-caused-by-a-chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain-new-study-186672

Dunno really. I'll talk with the doctor tomorrow again, hopefully. He said I should taper down for a week on half dose but didn't give any specifics what happens then.

I'm actually even thinking maybe I'll just stop taking them entirely. I don't feel terrible, apart from the side effects. But it might be the SSRI withdrawal euphoria talking.

I'm not dead.

I don't think.

@goatapocalypse Hugs for you man

Sounds good buddy. Remember to go outside too, if you can.

I'm currently sitting by the pool on holiday on my own finishing off the leftover beer while everyone else is in bed. We go home tomorrow. I don't feel properly depressed but it is a bit of a fucking sad way to spend your life. This should probably be in the drinking too much thread but I couldn't find it.

I went cold turkey recently and had that (bar the headache( for a few weeks.

Done now though, and I don't think my mood is any worse than it would be if I was still on them.

Hang in there dude

drhickman1983

It's me again. Remember when I said I would keep bugging you when you go down the spiral? I'm doing my job.

drhickman1983

I got you.

Sorry, I came in like a right injection of sunshine there.

I get that. The outside world is fucked. The decision you get to make is to try and deal with all of that yourself (how?), give up entirely because of that, or deal with your corner of it in the best way you can. We all know what the right answer to that is and maybe all our corners can add up to something that changes things. Maybe not, but it's worth a try.

They look so cool too.


Look, I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same. I lived in Tanzania two years. It puts shit into perspective when you meet someone after a summer break and they tell your their uncle died because they couldn't afford the antibiotics to cure malaria. The antibiotics cost £20.

And then you've got foreign mining companies coming in, buying all the mineral rich lands so locals can't do their artisanal mining. So yeah, I get what you're saying man. It sucks.

There are things you can do to make things a bit easier for yourself.

Stop following the news. You cannot change the world, so hearing about everything that goes wrong will only make it harder for you.

Pick a project or two in your local area, or something that resonates with you personally, that you can support. For example I'm really impressed by the Mossy Earth people, because they do grassroots rewilding, turning lands back into the sort of places I grew up in.

Apply the 80/20 principle into your own consumption. Where people often go wrong is they go 100% into veganism or local food or not buying anything new. But go like 80% instead and just don't sweat the small details.

For example my phone is a Teracube that's been designed to be user repairable and comes with 4 years guarantee so I don't have to buy a new one in a hurry. I still have a phone because life would be way too difficult without, but I tried to make a buying choice that limits the impact. Freephone is another good one. I don't have a car but I do have an ebike. You know, small things.

So focus on the things you can do. And then use whatever social clout you have to influence people to vote as far left as you can. All of this deep sea mining and shit? Yeah, that's because of capitalism.

Hoo boy here goes.

Day was alright in the end. Objectively. In general I'm doing well by various metrics: quit my meds, newish job going well, keeping the flat tidy, keeping shit together, eating ok, and trying to sort myself out with exercise, new clothes, quitting the booze (with relapses admittedly), and trying to learn to love myself butnotinthatway.

But my heart's broken/breaking and it's the first time that's really happened to me. And it's my fault because I'm a fucking idiot. I don't know how to handle this. Half of my time is spent fighting back tears, not always successfully and I don't cry because I'm an emotional fuckwit.

And I'm so horribly alone. I go entire weeks without saying a word aloud apart from a thank you to someone that took payment in a shop.

I've never felt so utterly hollow and/or fake while all the "normal" stuff is, or looks like it's either alright or I'mat lwast improving it. I need my girl back but it feels more and more like that ship has sailed and I have no fucking idea what to do except silently scream into the void, keep trucking with the self improvements, working hard and keep telling the tears to fuck off.

I need her back, and that just isn't an option because I am so so so stupid and I just fucked up the best thing I will ever know