Lizard
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I love ploughmans
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Post by Lizard on Mar 29, 2024 19:09:04 GMT
Who here might have the need for a new mattress... puddleduck?
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cubby
Junior Member
doesn't get subtext
Posts: 4,750
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Post by cubby on Mar 29, 2024 21:42:43 GMT
Is it a bamboo mattress or a buckwheat mattress?
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Post by LegendaryApe on Mar 30, 2024 6:03:57 GMT
Technogel
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Post by Nitrous on Mar 30, 2024 14:42:31 GMT
I'm off today, the wife's at work and the little monster is having a nap so I thought I'd have a nice drink and chill out on the front while the sun is out.
Thought the old guy next door was in the house. Nope he pulls up on the front and immediately starts talking to me.
Elderly guy - Are they taking on at your place? Me - "No" Elderly guy - oh good, I've never had a job like yours in a suit, I worked down in coal mines. Three of em in this area.
At this point I really had nothing left to say and just nodded in agreement at the locations. Half expected some sort of post war story but no.
Elderly guy - you come home from work and look like you've been at work.
Me -🙄 I'm stay at home dad today, need my lounge wear on so my best stuff isn't covered in crap.
I try my best to avoid him usually. My wife has no time for him but I keep saying to her, read this thread it could be so much worse and one day I fear that will be the case.
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Post by minimatt on Mar 30, 2024 17:31:44 GMT
Oh absolutely wise to keep an elderly neighbour on side, good karma, but equally important they're your best defense against the rest of the curtain twitching mafia on the street
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Post by Dougs on Mar 30, 2024 17:32:50 GMT
He just sounds a bit lonely tbh.
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Post by Nitrous on Mar 30, 2024 18:00:31 GMT
He just sounds a bit lonely tbh. He got a dog a couple of years ago after his wife who had dementia died from pneumonia. His daughter visits regularly and I think it's her that calls him at 9pm every night. His landline phone is so loud we can hear it over our TV.
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Post by rawshark on Apr 8, 2024 21:49:50 GMT
So there’s a group of local kids - oldest probably about nine - who have taken to playing on the road outside my house in the evenings. It’s a 30mph road and being resurfaced, and they still play in the middle of it with their go-karts and hoverboards. And morbid though it may be I really hope they get hit by a car.
We put my boy to bed at seven and they’re still out shouting and swearing their little fuckface heads off. My partners has tried asking them to keep it down before but it’s not making a difference. I don’t want to have to go outside and get all Croydon on them as that’s just going to escalate things and also I’m not sure how hard their dad is.
It really sucks to have a shit day at work and come home to it and honestly makes me wish I’d never moved here in the first place.
So God, if you’re there, please send a nice, fast, quiet Tesla down my road with a driver who is texting his mum. It’s not too much to ask.
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Post by Syrette on Apr 8, 2024 21:52:27 GMT
Speak to their parents?
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Post by rawshark on Apr 8, 2024 22:10:01 GMT
It might have to get to that. But it’s just awkward going up to a kid and going “right… who are your parents and where do they live?”
I only have a vague idea of which area they’re coming from. I could go knocking on doors asking “hey, are those shitheads yours?” but that’s probably not going to help.
It’s one of those times where I feel like a more chilled out person would just say live and let live and not care about it. But I’m a stressed out fucker with high blood pressure and endless self loathing…
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Lizard
Junior Member
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Post by Lizard on Apr 8, 2024 22:11:47 GMT
Get your mates round and get out there on the road before the kids turn up. It's a turf war.
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Post by Danno on Apr 8, 2024 23:01:40 GMT
Just slick it down with petrol about 5pm and set it alight 10 minutes afterwards. Anyone that can tolerate the inferno is worthy.
And can still fuck off.
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Post by rawshark on Apr 8, 2024 23:13:48 GMT
Get your mates round and get out there on the road before the kids turn up. It's a turf war. Good idea. When can you get here by? Just a short 24 hour flight… so Wednesday? There’ll be some fish and chips in it for you.
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Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 3,990
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Post by Lizard on Apr 9, 2024 0:55:47 GMT
Get your mates round and get out there on the road before the kids turn up. It's a turf war. Good idea. When can you get here by? Just a short 24 hour flight… so Wednesday? There’ll be some fish and chips in it for you. The kids' representative has been in touch and offered me two portions of fish and chips, with mushy peas.
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