I wish to end my neighbour's wheelie bins

Is it a bamboo mattress or a buckwheat mattress?

I'm off today, the wife's at work and the little monster is having a nap so I thought I'd have a nice drink and chill out on the front while the sun is out.

Thought the old guy next door was in the house. Nope he pulls up on the front and immediately starts talking to me.

Elderly guy - Are they taking on at your place?
Me - "No"
Elderly guy - oh good, I've never had a job like yours in a suit, I worked down in coal mines. Three of em in this area.

At this point I really had nothing left to say and just nodded in agreement at the locations. Half expected some sort of post war story but no.

Elderly guy - you come home from work and look like you've been at work.

Me -🙄 I'm stay at home dad today, need my lounge wear on so my best stuff isn't covered in crap.

I try my best to avoid him usually. My wife has no time for him but I keep saying to her, read this thread it could be so much worse and one day I fear that will be the case.

He just sounds a bit lonely tbh.

So there’s a group of local kids - oldest probably about nine - who have taken to playing on the road outside my house in the evenings. It’s a 30mph road and being resurfaced, and they still play in the middle of it with their go-karts and hoverboards. And morbid though it may be I really hope they get hit by a car.

We put my boy to bed at seven and they’re still out shouting and swearing their little fuckface heads off. My partners has tried asking them to keep it down before but it’s not making a difference. I don’t want to have to go outside and get all Croydon on them as that’s just going to escalate things and also I’m not sure how hard their dad is.

It really sucks to have a shit day at work and come home to it and honestly makes me wish I’d never moved here in the first place.

So God, if you’re there, please send a nice, fast, quiet Tesla down my road with a driver who is texting his mum. It’s not too much to ask.

It might have to get to that. But it’s just awkward going up to a kid and going “right… who are your parents and where do they live?”

I only have a vague idea of which area they’re coming from. I could go knocking on doors asking “hey, are those shitheads yours?” but that’s probably not going to help.

It’s one of those times where I feel like a more chilled out person would just say live and let live and not care about it. But I’m a stressed out fucker with high blood pressure and endless self loathing…

Just slick it down with petrol about 5pm and set it alight 10 minutes afterwards. Anyone that can tolerate the inferno is worthy.

And can still fuck off.

The kids' representative has been in touch and offered me two portions of fish and chips, with mushy peas.

He just turned it off and went inside. A few minutes later it started again. He looks forlorn now.

Wonder if it's a verisure alarm that he's got.

If gun sentries ever become a thing, I will mostly be spending my day tapping them with a wrench like in Team Fortress 2.

Do they come with a plaid shirt, hard hat and a shotgun?

I favour electrified door handles. Way more effective than alarms.

I have a baseball bat beside my bed named Nora. My dad was a big Last of the Summer Wine fan

incidentally, i did the whole perch a bucket of water over a door thing we saw on the cartoons as a kid.

hospitalised my brother

good times

And then they won't bother collecting the bins anyway.