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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Sept 7, 2023 14:59:47 GMT
Basically I had to do a no.1 over the whole fucking lot. You had to have a piss on your head? |
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dmukgr
Junior Member
Posts: 1,529
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Post by dmukgr on Sept 7, 2023 16:14:54 GMT
I think I’ve told this tale before but many years ago I was doing my own hair with the clippers set to a four and the mrs was mithering to have a go, which I refused. Once done, I took the number four clip off, she hadn’t realised, picked it up and quick as a flash shot up the back of my head with the clippers switched on.
As her arm and hand blocked her view she hadn’t realised she had shaved a trough to the skin all the way up at a weird angle, until it was far too late. Rather than shave the rest off I decided to leave it, but dreaded going to work etc. and having the piss taken. Thing is, nobody said a word and when asked why later they all felt it must have been a fashion thing that they didn’t want to admit not knowing about. Dumb arses.
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Ulythium
Full Member
Lily-livered
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Post by Ulythium on Sept 7, 2023 16:24:10 GMT
This poor guy didn't even have a wife/girlfriend to blame:
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Post by Aunt Alison on Sept 7, 2023 16:31:58 GMT
The final hair doesn't look remotely even to me
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Post by Danno on Sept 7, 2023 17:13:15 GMT
Once asked my girlfriend to remove a hangnail of mine and she nearly flayed me alive. Never again. *Fiance. Don't make that mistake around her. |
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dogbot
Full Member
Posts: 8,738
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Post by dogbot on Sept 7, 2023 17:14:24 GMT
The final hair doesn't look remotely even to me Thanks. Way to make me feel even worse!  |
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Lizard
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I love ploughmans
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Post by Lizard on Sept 7, 2023 21:08:23 GMT
Is this why anephric really stopped posting? His missus over talced his balls and now he's in a catatonic state?
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Vortex
Full Member
Harvey Weinstein's Tattered Penis
is apparently a mangina.
Posts: 5,419
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Post by Vortex on Sept 8, 2023 8:26:46 GMT
Like an arid, dessicated husk waiting for the desert rain to fall to bring back the lushness for a few days.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2023 16:40:49 GMT
A mosquito or something stung me on the bottom of my foot, so it itches every time I take a step.
😤
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Post by Aunt Alison on Sept 8, 2023 16:44:14 GMT
Hop
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2023 16:45:32 GMT
I just need to learn levitation.
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dmukgr
Junior Member
Posts: 1,529
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Post by dmukgr on Sept 8, 2023 18:29:54 GMT
You sure it’s not a veruca? What happened to those? You don’t see them or hear about them anymore but as a kid there were always people wearing veruca socks at the pool.
It’s the new white dog shit.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2023 18:53:00 GMT
*googles*
No, it’s definitely not that. It’s a little red sting bump. It’ll go away in a couple of days.
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cubby
Full Member
doesn't get subtext
Posts: 6,394
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Post by cubby on Sept 8, 2023 19:12:07 GMT
Haven't you heard? White dog shit's back baby.
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Post by deekyfun on Sept 8, 2023 19:16:11 GMT
Wouldn't new white dog shit be fresh brown dog shit?
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nexus6
Junior Member
Posts: 2,532
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Post by nexus6 on Sept 8, 2023 19:17:00 GMT
Haven't you heard? White dog shit's back baby. Brexit innit |
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Sept 8, 2023 19:43:44 GMT
Shouldn't it be race neutral dog shit now?
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Post by Danno on Sept 8, 2023 20:06:49 GMT
#alldogshitmatters
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Blue_Mike
Full Member
Meet Hanako At Embers
Posts: 5,393
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Post by Blue_Mike on Sept 8, 2023 20:19:42 GMT
There's been an issue regarding asylum seekers being housed in my hometown lately, and the usual types of arseholes have been stirring shit up needlessly, as per usual. None of the asylum seekers have apparently caused any trouble at all, however they've been verbally abused and menaced for the last two weeks by people who have the time to do such things because they are too lazy to go out and get proper jobs.
There's been an escalation of it today though, where the usual types invited a militant group of rent-a-bellends to come down in their racism-mobiles and harass every member of The Local Council on the doorsteps of their homes, and livestreaming their addresses and such. Two of those are my former housemates, who are among the nicest people you could wish to meet.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Sept 12, 2023 19:47:56 GMT
Fuck me these feral 'kids' will be the death of me, I've just absolutely smashed my big toe into one the knobheads scooters outside, left randomly on the pathway on the way to the bins, less than a minute later I can already see a horizontal crack half way down my big toe, the bottom half was getting dark but before my eyes a few minutes later it seems the upper part is getting even darker, stupid darn kids. Sometimes I wish someone had smashed up up my bollocks with a hammer to prevent this kind of self inflicted crap.
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hicksy
Junior Member
I'm good for some but I'm not for everyone
Posts: 1,584
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Post by hicksy on Sept 12, 2023 19:52:00 GMT
There's been an issue regarding asylum seekers being housed in my hometown lately, and the usual types of arseholes have been stirring shit up needlessly, as per usual. None of the asylum seekers have apparently caused any trouble at all, however they've been verbally abused and menaced for the last two weeks by people who have the time to do such things because they are too lazy to go out and get proper jobs. There's been an escalation of it today though, where the usual types invited a militant group of rent-a-bellends to come down in their racism-mobiles and harass every member of The Local Council on the doorsteps of their homes, and livestreaming their addresses and such. Two of those are my former housemates, who are among the nicest people you could wish to meet. It’s a shame we can’t swap out some decent immigrants for our own scummers. Give good people an opportunity and get rid of our own idiots why might (unlikely) learn you don’t have a right to everything just cause your fookin born! |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2023 7:37:51 GMT
Chuggers for Barnados loudly - ‘oh it’s alright don’t worry, he doesn’t care about the kids!’ - at the turnstile entrance of Manchester Victoria train station - to a guy rushing for a train.
A tough job for sure but it didn’t do anything for my very low opinion of the profession.
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mcmonkeyplc
Junior Member
General Martok Qapla!
Posts: 3,091
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Post by mcmonkeyplc on Sept 26, 2023 10:59:51 GMT
I've having a call to discuss why something we're not offering is not included in a document we're providing to a customer.
Fuck me.
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Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,491
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Post by Lizard on Oct 2, 2023 19:35:22 GMT
WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OKAY TO SIT AT THEIR DESK CHEWING WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN MAKING MORE NOISE THAT A FUCKING WARTHOG? HOW CAN YOU NOT REALISE HOW FUCKING DISGUSTING IT IS? FUCKING CUNT CUNT CUNT.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2023 19:36:51 GMT
Ah, a fellow misphonia sufferer. How these people aren't taught how to chew properly I'll never know.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Oct 2, 2023 19:51:23 GMT
WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OKAY TO SIT AT THEIR DESK CHEWING WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN MAKING MORE NOISE THAT A FUCKING WARTHOG? HOW CAN YOU NOT REALISE HOW FUCKING DISGUSTING IT IS? FUCKING CUNT CUNT CUNT. Guy at work used to do that, his nickname was Chomper. |
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Oct 2, 2023 21:09:51 GMT
This is beyond misophonia, she was so loud you could hear her from ten metres away. How do you go through life eating like that? Fucking animal.
And I found out that the other constant chewing noises she makes aren't actually chewing. She just likes to suck air through her teeth and smack her lips all the time.
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Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,491
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Post by Lizard on Oct 2, 2023 21:15:49 GMT
She's just walked back to her desk with a plate of something. Definitely the worst timeline.
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Post by Danno on Oct 2, 2023 21:19:45 GMT
Eurggghh. Sorry Lizard.
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Lizard
Junior Member
I love ploughmans
Posts: 4,491
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Post by Lizard on Oct 2, 2023 21:22:36 GMT
Thankfully Charles' idiotic gabbing is worthwhile for once as it's drowning her out.
Thanks Charles, you Jordan Peterson-loving dimwit.
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