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Post by spacein_vader on Mar 29, 2022 1:52:51 GMT
Thanks mate. Yeah doc was stern, but he did also give me huge props for sticking with it. I guess with clear headedness and better memory, came a slightly clearer knowledge of what has been going on the past 25 years. A bit like remembering something really embarrassing or inappropriate from "the night before". Which initially feels undermining and a drink trigger, but if you weather the storm of thoughts for a bit, you look to the future and strengthen your resolve to stay sober. Think of all the positive things that staying sober will surely bring for your career, social, family life etc, and think about the small changes that you are already seeing, and try to focus on those. I dunno about you but yeah, I can lose my temper severely and drink and hangovers never helped this. I was listening to a yoga teacher the other day and he was talking about words that people say that make you angry, imagine they are talking a different language, then you wouldn't understand what they were saying and it's not real, it's their problem and you are a unified divine being and not reactive and if people make you react then they essentially control you and you can take control back by not reacting and distancing yourself, and if you see them trying to create these reactions in you then really you should feel sorry for them or just ignore them. Maybe for us middle aged recovering alcoholics, the "feeling much better" phase comes later, and the reward we have now and what we need to focus on is not wasting any more time that life might still have left for us and making the best of it. We're all different though. For example, I don't have any problem going to a pub on my own or with other people and drinking soft drinks. I also went to a house party last month with lots of alcohol but I was fine with the 0% stuff the host graciously provided, but I would have bought my own if he said he couldn't. I was one of the first to get there and I spoke to my friend the host about it and to the other guy that was there, and left it up to them to tell the others the reasons if they wanted to tactfully when I wasn't in the room. I didn't make a fuss about it and no-one gave a shit, I guess it's like that one vegan eco warrior who gives everyone shit for getting a KFC on the way home, don't be that guy lol. Maybe lockdown has actually helped in that respect. Like, I remember being sober around drunk people used to be awkward, but now I'm just grateful for the novelty of being out of the house and around other people. You’re really lucky to have friends that don’t make a fuss for not drinking. I ended up not going out with my usual crowd a few weeks ago as they insisted that I drink, the amount of shit I got was unreal. It’s almost as if I’d said I’d banged their wives or something the way they acted! I don’t really care if they want to get smashed and equally they should just let me be and it ended up with me thinking I can’t drink around them now because they’ll say “ahh, I knew you’d drink again you wanker!” I’ve got other sets of friends and family events lined up over the coming months. My wife hardly drinks and certain groups of those always try to pressure her, so no doubt they’ll be worse with me. I should be looking forward to seeing people again but I’m not because of the pressure to drink. I have noticed since I stopped drinking I’m not putting up with as much shit and I seem to get very agitated. I never used to get annoyed but now I have less patience especially at work. A few people have asked if I’m feeling ok as they say I’m usually very diplomatic and manage to handle everything so easy (I get all the shit projects because of that) but they said of late I’m coming across negative and abrupt. In reality doing 10-12 hour days and getting every piece of shit project thrown at you should be the answer in itself, but I guess I used to made jokes and cracked on with it as I know at the end of the day I’d block it out with alcohol and collapse in bed! I guess this is back to what you said earlier about other things affecting your mood, cause of fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. What I have realised in all of this is that our country has a seriously bad obsession with alcohol. A lot of northern European countries do. It sounds like you've got at least one ally in your wife, equally if you talk to friend individually to bring them round it may help. |
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スコットランド
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Delicious gruel
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Post by スコットランド on Mar 29, 2022 8:19:10 GMT
What I have realised in all of this is that our country has a seriously bad obsession with alcohol. No more than most countries, I'd wager. Completely disagree. Yes, you can find alcoholism everywhere but the embedded culture of binge drinking and going out to get smashed is far more prevalent in UK and Ireland than many other countries. |
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Post by Syrette on Mar 29, 2022 9:13:23 GMT
No more than most countries, I'd wager. Completely disagree. Yes, you can find alcoholism everywhere but the embedded culture of binge drinking and going out to get smashed is far more prevalent in UK and Ireland than many other countries. Fair enough, wording totally wrong but I think my point was simply that other countries also have an obsession (if that's the word) with it too. Getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk is more ingrained over here, I agree. |
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Post by unrealkilla on Mar 29, 2022 12:13:46 GMT
Thanks mate. Yeah doc was stern, but he did also give me huge props for sticking with it. I guess with clear headedness and better memory, came a slightly clearer knowledge of what has been going on the past 25 years. A bit like remembering something really embarrassing or inappropriate from "the night before". Which initially feels undermining and a drink trigger, but if you weather the storm of thoughts for a bit, you look to the future and strengthen your resolve to stay sober. Think of all the positive things that staying sober will surely bring for your career, social, family life etc, and think about the small changes that you are already seeing, and try to focus on those. I dunno about you but yeah, I can lose my temper severely and drink and hangovers never helped this. I was listening to a yoga teacher the other day and he was talking about words that people say that make you angry, imagine they are talking a different language, then you wouldn't understand what they were saying and it's not real, it's their problem and you are a unified divine being and not reactive and if people make you react then they essentially control you and you can take control back by not reacting and distancing yourself, and if you see them trying to create these reactions in you then really you should feel sorry for them or just ignore them. Maybe for us middle aged recovering alcoholics, the "feeling much better" phase comes later, and the reward we have now and what we need to focus on is not wasting any more time that life might still have left for us and making the best of it. We're all different though. For example, I don't have any problem going to a pub on my own or with other people and drinking soft drinks. I also went to a house party last month with lots of alcohol but I was fine with the 0% stuff the host graciously provided, but I would have bought my own if he said he couldn't. I was one of the first to get there and I spoke to my friend the host about it and to the other guy that was there, and left it up to them to tell the others the reasons if they wanted to tactfully when I wasn't in the room. I didn't make a fuss about it and no-one gave a shit, I guess it's like that one vegan eco warrior who gives everyone shit for getting a KFC on the way home, don't be that guy lol. Maybe lockdown has actually helped in that respect. Like, I remember being sober around drunk people used to be awkward, but now I'm just grateful for the novelty of being out of the house and around other people. You’re really lucky to have friends that don’t make a fuss for not drinking. I ended up not going out with my usual crowd a few weeks ago as they insisted that I drink, the amount of shit I got was unreal. It’s almost as if I’d said I’d banged their wives or something the way they acted! I don’t really care if they want to get smashed and equally they should just let me be and it ended up with me thinking I can’t drink around them now because they’ll say “ahh, I knew you’d drink again you wanker!” I’ve got other sets of friends and family events lined up over the coming months. My wife hardly drinks and certain groups of those always try to pressure her, so no doubt they’ll be worse with me. I should be looking forward to seeing people again but I’m not because of the pressure to drink. I have noticed since I stopped drinking I’m not putting up with as much shit and I seem to get very agitated. I never used to get annoyed but now I have less patience especially at work. A few people have asked if I’m feeling ok as they say I’m usually very diplomatic and manage to handle everything so easy (I get all the shit projects because of that) but they said of late I’m coming across negative and abrupt. In reality doing 10-12 hour days and getting every piece of shit project thrown at you should be the answer in itself, but I guess I used to made jokes and cracked on with it as I know at the end of the day I’d block it out with alcohol and collapse in bed! I guess this is back to what you said earlier about other things affecting your mood, cause of fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. What I have realised in all of this is that our country has a seriously bad obsession with alcohol. Wow that must really suck. I can't imagine what I'd do if my friends weren't supportive or even worse actually gave me shit about giving up. I was going to suggest same as Ecosse said, there is nearly always one slightly more sensible and adultier adult in every social group. Try and speak to that person individually and tell him how important this is to you. If the others see him being sensible, maybe they'll modify their behaviour. If certain groups give you and your wife pressure, don't engage with them. They will eventually get bored and stop when they see that it isn't working and they don't get a rise out of you. I guess it works both ways and don't make a thing out of it or be annoying about it. I get mega agitated, especially on Fridays and weekends where I'd normally be on the sauce straight away to wind down and forget work. Tbh I did a silly thing and took up cigarette smoking. I gave up in January, but I bought another pack last week because stress. Will only be the one pack. I can't believe I'm recommending taking up smoking, but it did help me steady my nerves when I was climbing the walls wanting a drink. Obviously not a long term solution. |
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Post by unrealkilla on Mar 29, 2022 12:25:20 GMT
Completely disagree. Yes, you can find alcoholism everywhere but the embedded culture of binge drinking and going out to get smashed is far more prevalent in UK and Ireland than many other countries. Fair enough, wording totally wrong but I think my point was simply that other countries also have an obsession (if that's the word) with it too. Getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk is more ingrained over here, I agree. Definitely, the UK has a hard drinking culture that is part of our way of life especially young people in their 20s but uniquely it's a problem occupying a larger section of UK society, way more than almost anywhere else. I'm surprised there's anyone who isn't aware of that tbh. Most holiday destinations that see a lot of Brits alter their character to appeal to Brits abroad, more bars, discounted drinks, etc. And they have to put up with people urinating and puking in the streets. |
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Post by Dave_McCoy on Mar 29, 2022 16:25:07 GMT
I'm doing better than I was but still drinking more than I'd like. I've started running again and exercising more regularly bit the demon still hangs over me. I think I am my own worst enemy and its boredom as when I was with my last partner I drunk far less as she wasn't bothered. A nice cup of tea was enough.
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Post by Danno on Mar 29, 2022 19:26:48 GMT
I've started naltrexone and it's really weird, but effective.
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Post by spacein_vader on Mar 29, 2022 19:32:13 GMT
Fair enough, wording totally wrong but I think my point was simply that other countries also have an obsession (if that's the word) with it too. Getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk is more ingrained over here, I agree. Definitely, the UK has a hard drinking culture that is part of our way of life especially young people in their 20s but uniquely it's a problem occupying a larger section of UK society, way more than almost anywhere else. I'm surprised there's anyone who isn't aware of that tbh. Most holiday destinations that see a lot of Brits alter their character to appeal to Brits abroad, more bars, discounted drinks, etc. And they have to put up with people urinating and puking in the streets. It's our teens/20somethings they are starting to change that. Been a fair few studies of students etc this past few years that suggest they're a lot less arsed about getting drunk. They're also far more relaxed about doing a few lines on a night out though. |
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Post by drhickman1983 on Mar 30, 2022 7:47:06 GMT
It's been mentioned before but that AF Guinness is actually decent. Worked well as a placebo at my games night last night.
Still planning to drink but my aim is to restrict to weekends only.
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dmukgr
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Post by dmukgr on Mar 30, 2022 8:12:27 GMT
I really like AF Guinness and I regularly drink the regular stuff but I've been really surprised at how some people say it's vile etc. and nothing like.
Saying that, I've not seen it since it's return to the shelves - this is all from the original attempt they had a few years back.
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Post by Sarfrin on Mar 30, 2022 19:32:00 GMT
I've started naltrexone and it's really weird, but effective. Good to hear danno. Why is it weird? (Don't feel you have to answer) |
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Post by Danno on Mar 30, 2022 21:16:24 GMT
I've started naltrexone and it's really weird, but effective. Good to hear danno. Why is it weird? (Don't feel you have to answer) Booze has zero buzz to it, just impairment. It's very odd and quite irritating because being a bit wobbly is meant to have an upside to it. It's sort of like being very self aware about having had a drink? Hard to describe. Main side effect for me is lethargy, I've felt like I've just woken up for 36 hours now, as in stretchy, yawny, stretchy, yawny blinky, trying to shake out the cobwebs. Also have zero appetite but managing to remember that I need to eat. It's doing work. I'm at the point where I can get the anti craving meds now, rather than in a fortnight |
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Post by Sarfrin on Mar 31, 2022 11:44:55 GMT
Glad it's helping. Breaking the habit is a big first step.
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JYM60
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Post by JYM60 on Mar 31, 2022 12:22:53 GMT
No more than most countries, I'd wager. Completely disagree. Yes, you can find alcoholism everywhere but the embedded culture of binge drinking and going out to get smashed is far more prevalent in UK and Ireland than many other countries. Yeah, when I worked in Canada myself and my mate who is from England often went round the office to see who wanted to go for a drink after work. Was a fantastic brewery literally next door to our office. The office was completely international, from Ukraine, to India, to Kazakhstan. We never got anybody to come for a beer, except for one other English guy. In saying that, Canadians liked a drink. The selection of bars was insane, and all of them were busy. Instead of falling over, puking and pissing on the ground, it was mostly fighting which happened though. |
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mrpon
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Post by mrpon on Apr 1, 2022 8:16:58 GMT
I love a bit of minge drinking.
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Post by Lurker on Apr 5, 2022 9:04:01 GMT
You’re really lucky to have friends that don’t make a fuss for not drinking. I ended up not going out with my usual crowd a few weeks ago as they insisted that I drink, the amount of shit I got was unreal. It’s almost as if I’d said I’d banged their wives or something the way they acted! I don’t really care if they want to get smashed and equally they should just let me be and it ended up with me thinking I can’t drink around them now because they’ll say “ahh, I knew you’d drink again you wanker!” I’ve got other sets of friends and family events lined up over the coming months. My wife hardly drinks and certain groups of those always try to pressure her, so no doubt they’ll be worse with me. I should be looking forward to seeing people again but I’m not because of the pressure to drink. I have noticed since I stopped drinking I’m not putting up with as much shit and I seem to get very agitated. I never used to get annoyed but now I have less patience especially at work. A few people have asked if I’m feeling ok as they say I’m usually very diplomatic and manage to handle everything so easy (I get all the shit projects because of that) but they said of late I’m coming across negative and abrupt. In reality doing 10-12 hour days and getting every piece of shit project thrown at you should be the answer in itself, but I guess I used to made jokes and cracked on with it as I know at the end of the day I’d block it out with alcohol and collapse in bed! I guess this is back to what you said earlier about other things affecting your mood, cause of fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. What I have realised in all of this is that our country has a seriously bad obsession with alcohol. Wow that must really suck. I can't imagine what I'd do if my friends weren't supportive or even worse actually gave me shit about giving up. I was going to suggest same as Ecosse said, there is nearly always one slightly more sensible and adultier adult in every social group. Try and speak to that person individually and tell him how important this is to you. If the others see him being sensible, maybe they'll modify their behaviour. If certain groups give you and your wife pressure, don't engage with them. They will eventually get bored and stop when they see that it isn't working and they don't get a rise out of you. I guess it works both ways and don't make a thing out of it or be annoying about it. I get mega agitated, especially on Fridays and weekends where I'd normally be on the sauce straight away to wind down and forget work. Tbh I did a silly thing and took up cigarette smoking. I gave up in January, but I bought another pack last week because stress. Will only be the one pack. I can't believe I'm recommending taking up smoking, but it did help me steady my nerves when I was climbing the walls wanting a drink. Obviously not a long term solution. I've known that particular group since my early teens, I’m surprised 1 or 2 haven’t been more supportive especially as 1 has had medical issues due to alcohol. So relating back to what you said, honestly be proud of your achievement because some people just can’t do it. As for a sensible person in that group I guess that’s me LOL. I definitely need to find a good stress reliever as work is really pushing me to the limits, I've done a ridiculous amount of hours in the past week. I'm really surprised I haven't cracked and had a drink (I was very close over the weekend). My wife said it's ok to have 1 or 2, but I know it wouldn't have stopped. I guess I need to look into the work situation as I doubt doing 12 hour days is good for anyone regardless of drink or not! |
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Post by drhickman1983 on Apr 5, 2022 9:17:39 GMT
Had a decent week of not drinking followed by a disappointing amount of binging, had about 12 beers over the course of Sunday afternoon and night, ended up staying up far too late and felt crap the next day.
I think I really just need to stop drinking but I find my willpower is really quite crap, and the latent self-loathing doesn't make it easy to really care about myself too much.
Just means I feel even more shit about myself when I do drink (or eat to much crap, or whatever) too much.
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Post by unrealkilla on Apr 5, 2022 10:08:03 GMT
Lurker I've had a bunch of triggers hit me over the past week that would normally see me in a bottle 24/7. Work, social, family, personal health - The Golden Quadrafecta. I'm working from home so I have the option if I wish of lifting weights for a bit to blow off steam. Darn, I really should. I seem to have some kind of mental block in the way. Instead I'm smoking to chill and overeating to cheer up. That can't go on. I mentioned it before, but maybe it's time to call the AA people. I know the point you're at, where getting into rehab seems a lot more than the situation warrants, but my doctor telling me off has helped me with that - I know that's where I am. Sounds like if you can't quit, you might wanna call them too. If you can't quit without help, that's literally what they're there for isn't it?
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Post by Lurker on Apr 6, 2022 8:18:13 GMT
Lurker I've had a bunch of triggers hit me over the past week that would normally see me in a bottle 24/7. Work, social, family, personal health - The Golden Quadrafecta. I'm working from home so I have the option if I wish of lifting weights for a bit to blow off steam. Darn, I really should. I seem to have some kind of mental block in the way. Instead I'm smoking to chill and overeating to cheer up. That can't go on. I mentioned it before, but maybe it's time to call the AA people. I know the point you're at, where getting into rehab seems a lot more than the situation warrants, but my doctor telling me off has helped me with that - I know that's where I am. Sounds like if you can't quit, you might wanna call them too. If you can't quit without help, that's literally what they're there for isn't it? I thought I would lose the cravings by now and it's weird they've come back as it's 59 days since my last drink but work has sent stress levels soaring. Honestly, I'd feel like a fraud calling out for help now especially as I've only drank 3 days in total this year. I have next week booked as holiday but I'm being asked to "self-cover" which is winding me up badly so I can't even get into a holiday mood. I need to get away from my desk and get outside, basically anything but work to drop my stress levels which would (I think) reset my stress levels to go again. It doesn't sound like things are going too well for you either with so much going on, hang in there yourself, I hope you managed to convince yourself to lift some weights if that helps you relieve some pressure, it seems you've got something to help with stress which I'm still searching for. It seems that quitting isn't as simple as people make it out to be and it's different for everyone but just talking about it does help. |
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Post by Lurker on Apr 6, 2022 8:19:57 GMT
Had a decent week of not drinking followed by a disappointing amount of binging, had about 12 beers over the course of Sunday afternoon and night, ended up staying up far too late and felt crap the next day. I think I really just need to stop drinking but I find my willpower is really quite crap, and the latent self-loathing doesn't make it easy to really care about myself too much. Just means I feel even more shit about myself when I do drink (or eat to much crap, or whatever) too much. It's doable but it's not easy, I don't think it helps reading so many articles where people say they quit and the next day they were running a marathon after back flipping out of bed. It's nothing like that at all. If you can do a whole week that's already a good start and a sign it's possible to do more, but the weekends are always the hardest. I tried to do other things to occupy my mind at the start and break the cycle. There's also a lot of good advice over the last few pages about focusing on the positives but quitting alone won't fix other problems (like I've found with my job for example) as those things become more apparent when you quit. Also, depending on your situation (if you have a real problem like drinking the moment you wake up) then definitely seek professional help. Good luck if you decide to give it a shot. |
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Post by unrealkilla on Apr 6, 2022 8:48:53 GMT
Really well done for the changes and cut downs you've made already, Lurker. Yeah work is such a bastard when it sends the stress levels up and normally the easiest way to fuck everything off is to drink.
I think for me what I found is that cutting down was definitely good, but wasn't the answer. I had to completely quit, because I'm not able to control my drinking to keep it within the margins of a healthy amount of weekend binging.
I have a glimmer of light, I reached out to my local craft beer bar and they are upping their variety of zero alcohol beverages after hearing my story. They just got in an American pilsner and a strawberry white stout, with more on the way.
Thinking about the earlier problem you said, with mates ribbing you for not drinking, perhaps find a craft bar in your town that has a good stock of AF, and encourage the party to go there rather than Spoons. Are you into craft?
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Post by unrealkilla on Apr 6, 2022 8:55:08 GMT
Sorry, I'm really busy at the moment, attention is all over the place. I just noticed you said your 59 days sober. That's fantastic man, keep at it stay strong.
Definitely add to that, set yourself a new target.
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Post by Lurker on Apr 6, 2022 11:48:08 GMT
No worries, I'm also meant to be working!
As for AF when I last tried it made me crave the real thing, which is annoying because some tasted decent. That's great you can enjoy them without needing the real thing, perhaps I will give it another go when I'm more relaxed/further along.
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Post by unrealkilla on Apr 6, 2022 12:18:20 GMT
Alcohol Free is the real thing, it's been brewed the same as it's full ABV cousins, not made from some kind of powdered formula. But I know what you mean  Another benefit of getting into craft is that independent craft bars are way nicer places to drink and socialise in. And if there's one thing craft beer wankers love to do it's talk about craft beer and how it's made. It won't be hard to strike up a conversation and learn about what you're drinking. Another way you to strengthen your sea legs is to go to a Spoons or a "proper pub" for a cheap meal a couple of times a month. Helps to become familiar with being in a pub without drinking alcohol. Both these things help to remind us that there are other reasons to go to the pub/bar besides getting drunk as quickly, cheaply and loudly as possible. |
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Post by unrealkilla on Apr 6, 2022 15:46:10 GMT
Like I said though everyone is different and if you feel like being in a pub is too much temptation or too much to deal with then stay clear. Now I think about it I know someone who is a recovered alcoholic, almost 10 years sober, he can't / doesn't go in pubs.
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Post by Lurker on Apr 7, 2022 8:35:33 GMT
Alcohol Free is the real thing, it's been brewed the same as it's full ABV cousins, not made from some kind of powdered formula. But I know what you mean Haha, you have a good point though it is real, I need to change my perception of AF. I always struggle after a few beers as I get bloated and it makes my IBS worse so about 4/5 is my limit (the AF stuff I've tried did the same). The AF wine I tried wasn't great & I heard the AF Vodka doesn't taste like Vodka, but I'm open to trying anything when I feel like I wouldn't want to reach for the real thing the same thing but with alcohol! (it's got to be worth a shot as there's only so much water, squash and herbal tea I can take!). |
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Post by Dougs on Apr 27, 2022 7:12:47 GMT
I decided to accurately track my drinking last week as it started to spiral again. 7 days from Bank Holiday Monday, I drank 30 units and only 2 drink free days. Am starting to feel the impact, so need to rein it back in. Need to cut it out during the week especially.
Anyone tried CBD drinks that are splashed all over the socials or are they snake oil?
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Post by eleven63 on Apr 27, 2022 7:31:16 GMT
Since my high blood pressure diagnosis, I've cut my drinking days from 5 to 2. And those 2 days I've cut down the amount I drink by half.
I stick to red wine, or real ale.
I've also learned to stop drinking (why am I up at midnight having another?), say no to ' just one more' and not to guzzle booze.
My partner can't believe my lifestyle changes.
The up side is I haven't had a hangover since the 3rd week of January this year.
The downside is that I have developed a craving for foam banana and shrimp sweets...
Joking aside, I have found cutting my booze intake relatively straightforward. Shame it's taken a health scare to get my act together as I obviously could have cut back a lot earlier in life!
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Post by Dougs on Apr 27, 2022 7:34:31 GMT
I definitely haven't learned to stop, especially with wine. Beer and gin aremt that much of an issue. But man, I love wine.
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Post by Dougs on Apr 27, 2022 8:02:05 GMT
I should also add, well done! That's impressive stuff.
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