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Post by grey_matters on Dec 27, 2023 19:51:34 GMT
I'm happy with my choice, and I definitely wouldn't fancy starting a family this late in life anyway. My girlfriend's bro will be 60 by the time their new kid will be getting into her late teens. Fuck that noise! Yeah, to each their own. I'll be over 60 when our one reaches 18 but we definitely made the right call from our perspective. A golden child as far as I'm concerned.
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Post by drhickman1983 on Dec 27, 2023 19:58:35 GMT
I'm very happy having no kids. I wouldn't be in a great position to raise any - it's enough struggle trying to look after myself let alone being responsible for another life - but even if I was in a position to do so, I've honestly never had any paternal desire or instinct.
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Post by Zuluhero on Dec 27, 2023 20:17:40 GMT
I'll be 46 when mine hits 18 and I'll only say 2 things;
1/ Thank goodness I only had 1. 2/ Thank goodness I did it early.
I do ok, but I found out I'm not parental at all. All my friends and brother are only just getting kids now in their early forties and if they feel anything like I do, I don't envy dealing with young kids at all.
I love her to bits and now she's 16 we play loads of games together and she's a proper challenge in Mario Kart, but there's no way I could have done it again.
She was a proper nightmare when she was a baby. I always found it telling when we took her to a doctor after a particularly grueling period of time, and the doctor said to us; "AHH yeah, my fifth one was like this, and I'll tell you something, if she had been first, I wouldn't have had any more either..."
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Post by simple on Dec 27, 2023 20:28:47 GMT
I’ll be in my early-mid 50s when mine hits 18 which feels like a solid dad age for a kid that age despite most parents of 18 yr olds probably being 5–10 years younger than that really.
David Mitchell and Victoria Coren just had their second and they’re that age already. Richard Herring was the same. Fuck knows how they handle the newborn phase in their 50s.
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Frog
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Post by Frog on Dec 27, 2023 20:41:49 GMT
Don't do it Jambo, live for yourself and enjoy your life. All these fuckers who are trying to convince you it's worth it just want you to fall into the trap they did 😂 .
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Dec 27, 2023 20:47:44 GMT
It's all really down to personal circumstances/finances/attitudes to life etc, I simply didn't want kids until I was about 37, there is no right or wrong time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2023 20:48:04 GMT
Frog said
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technoish
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Post by technoish on Dec 27, 2023 23:08:49 GMT
I'm 40 with oldest 5.5 years old. I'd have a couple more.
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Tomo
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Post by Tomo on Dec 27, 2023 23:14:17 GMT
It's all really down to personal circumstances/finances/attitudes to life etc, I simply didn't want kids until I was about 37, there is no right or wrong time. When I were a lad, I thought: if I have kids I will do it before I'm 30 so I'm not an 'old' dad. I'd barely finished being a student when I was 30. My partner and I could barely afford shit at that age living in London, let alone having a kid. The prospect of nursery costs, and everything else terrifies me even now if I think about it too much (38), but reached the point of being as ready as we'll ever be.
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RobEG
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Post by RobEG on Dec 27, 2023 23:26:50 GMT
Things have worked out pretty well for me. Had my first at 28 and my 3rd (and last!) at 35. It’s bloody hard work though. I’m 40 next year and while part of me is a bit sad that my youngest is growing up so fast, I don’t think I have it in me to deal another little one. I love them but I certainly don’t judge people who decide not to have them
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Post by Syrette on Dec 27, 2023 23:40:16 GMT
I love Christmas and all, but I must have gained 2 stone in the last few days.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Dec 27, 2023 23:57:44 GMT
I love Christmas and all, but I must have gained 2 stone in the last few days. +5
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technoish
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Post by technoish on Dec 28, 2023 0:03:51 GMT
It's all really down to personal circumstances/finances/attitudes to life etc, I simply didn't want kids until I was about 37, there is no right or wrong time. When I were a lad, I thought: if I have kids I will do it before I'm 30 so I'm not an 'old' dad. I'd barely finished being a student when I was 30. My partner and I could barely afford shit at that age living in London, let alone having a kid. The prospect of nursery costs, and everything else terrifies me even now if I think about it too much (38), but reached the point of being as ready as we'll ever be. I wanna have some more kids just to take advantage of the free nursery payments.that we have just missed out on. I reckon we'd have saved like £50k+ on existing kids.
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Dec 28, 2023 0:40:44 GMT
philiplarkin.gif
Doubt there's an actual Philip Larkin gif, but y'know.
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Post by Dougs on Dec 28, 2023 1:14:25 GMT
As much as you'd like to plan things, sometimes you can't. Circumstances meant we didn't have our first until I was 37. Which is fine, mid-fifties when they hit mid-late teens and through uni before I'm 60 should be easy as.
Anyway, back OT. My niece and her 2 kids have just left to travel back to France. House will be much quieter but I am looking forward to it being a bit tidier and also having a bit of space to doze on the sofa and watch shit films. Was a delight to have them though and all went very well. My kids loved being the big cousins and it all worked very smoothly. I think this is it now for the next few years at least...
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Post by jimnastics on Dec 28, 2023 8:49:03 GMT
Anyway, back OT. My niece and her 2 kids have just left to travel back to France. House will be much quieter but I am looking forward to it being a bit tidier and also having a bit of space to doze on the sofa and watch shit films. Man our house is currently like it was on Christmas Day afternoon, absolute bomb site apart from a weak attempt at pushing presents on the floor into piles that may or may not be for the same person. The wife and I seriously need a few hours without the kids here to get the house in some kind of order as we have family round NYE, but there's currently no plan for that... I need to sweet-talk the grandparents into having them for an afternoon today or tomorrow...
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Post by Bill in the rain on Dec 28, 2023 8:50:43 GMT
Please someone remind me. Having kids is great yeah? Because sometimes I read the stuff you guys post and I go back and forth at being happy I'm single and really wanting a family someday. Were you never a kid yourself? Assuming yes, it's basically all the same stuff you did as a kid. (which is why it's worrying!)
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Dec 28, 2023 9:09:01 GMT
User EMarkM ‘s post was so familiar I thought you had set cameras up in my house/life. The theme I get is that it’s exactly the same for a large majority of girls at that age. I also think puberty is quicker to onset with history and when you combine that with a lot of children (many who already had access to phones and stuff) being forced earlier than they should have into forms of social media and IM by Covid lockdowns they’ve ’grown up’ in these respects about three or four years earlier than they would have in my day (I’m early 40s). Ours basically lives in the bedroom like she’s staying in a hotel, and will not even be thirteen for a while yet. You can’t let yourself get personally offended by it as some of the distancing is actually a biological imperative for them I think. It’ll be a phase and in a few years they will be your best mate. I by the way have consistently failed to not be personally offended by it - it’s a constant challenge because I essentially miss her. I inherited mine when she was 8 and it was amazing for a few years - I hate that I missed out on the prior years of nice stuff. She never knew her bio father and the night she asked if I would be her dad as I tucked her in for the night I cried and cried. Then on holiday in Tenerife this year the memory of that made the stinging comments about how mum was her biological parent and not me (this had never been discussed) hurt so much. But you don’t know what her and her friends have been discussing and you don’t know that they have the emotional IQ to bring up the topic in a different way. When I say it was amazing it still can be BTW - she’s frequently hilarious and we have a great banter/troll/counter-troll thing going on. But it always has the background of the rude selfish teen thing behind it. Wouldn’t change it for the world 😂
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EMarkM
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Well, quite...
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Post by EMarkM on Dec 28, 2023 9:29:01 GMT
drakesmoke I really needed to read that. We definitely seem to share an experience, and the words you’ve shared here are both wise and helpful. I met our little one when she was five, and I do miss the person she was. With a little trepidation, I look forward to the person she will become.
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Post by jimnastics on Dec 28, 2023 9:38:27 GMT
I can't start writing about having kids because I will literally start crying in front of the PC (drakesmoke's comment about his little girl asking him to be her Dad already set me off). Suffice to say it is the best thing I've ever done in life and I wouldn't change it for the world.
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Dec 28, 2023 9:53:55 GMT
I can't start writing about having kids because I will literally start crying in front of the PC (drakesmoke's comment about his little girl asking him to be her Dad already set me off). Suffice to say it is the best thing I've ever done in life and I wouldn't change it for the world. I wanted them as a young man I think because I was socially programmed to. When I found myself turfed back to my folks, confidence ruined, for a good chunk of my thirties and not getting back into a relationship until my late thirties, I’d already decided that I probably didn’t want to ‘make’ a child (I can recommend some good websites if anybody is unclear on the mechanics). I also generally didn’t like/was annoyed by them tbh. The little f*ckers. At that age ruling out existing children is another thing though - you could really narrow that dating pool!. In the event, it’s felt like the one most positive thing I’ve ever done, becoming that figure for somebody that was basically rejected as a fetus by the b*stard that should have done it. And she’s given me experiences I’d never have had in return. Easy it ain’t though. As I said though, making one now when I get out of bed both reluctantly and bent half double like a wizened old man? Sod that for a game of soldiers, I don’t need to imprint my genes that badly!
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dmukgr
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Post by dmukgr on Dec 28, 2023 10:15:16 GMT
I love Christmas and all, but I must have gained 2 stone in the last few days. Too early to assess the damage really. The Boxing Day shit usually knocks the scales the other way for a day of two.
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Lizard
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Post by Lizard on Dec 28, 2023 10:34:02 GMT
I've drunk a lot, but not gorged much at all. Still need to go om the January health kick though.
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Post by Jambowayoh on Dec 28, 2023 10:43:14 GMT
I love Christmas and all, but I must have gained 2 stone in the last few days. Too early to assess the damage really. The Boxing Day shit usually knocks the scales the other way for a day of two. I've been quite good all year and as soon as I get back to England I've gorged on shit. I'm really feeling the after effects today. I have to go out for drinks with mates today so I'll have to delay the being good for another more day.
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Post by drhickman1983 on Dec 28, 2023 10:47:42 GMT
I'm taking monitoring my diet off until New Year's. I had been tracking my calories up until Christmas eve, but I'd just be too depressed.
I'm not eating constantly or anything but between the booze, roast dinners supplied by various family members, eating out with friends and more chocolate than usual I'd just end up hating myself if I actually knew the damage
I'll wait until new year *then* start feeling like shit.
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Post by RumMonkey on Dec 28, 2023 10:54:11 GMT
We've completed the ham, but the turkey is like a 2nd phase boss that won't die. Turkey curry tonight in the hops of finishing it off.
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Post by jimnastics on Dec 28, 2023 11:06:26 GMT
In the past I'd trot out the "January is depressing enough as it is" reason to delay any dieting until February, of course by that point you've put on few more pounds comfort eating through Jan and then you're even more depressed by Feb. So in recent years I've gone full tilt diet straight after NYD, not just "eating properly" but straight into a diet I know works for me, which is keto and / or intermittent fasting + calorie tracking. If I do that then I can get back to Oct/Nov weight and then some fairly quickly.
So if anyone here also gets depressed about weight issues (I have my whole life), stop stressing about it right now and enjoy the next week or so without even thinking about it, but then do yourself a big favour and go 100% full diet on in the first week of Jan, no excuses.
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jono62
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Post by jono62 on Dec 28, 2023 11:37:34 GMT
Had a guinea fowl instead of turkey and it was a great decision. Enough for the both of us for lunch and dinner and no need to worry about leftovers. Made some marmite roasties and they were banging.
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drakesmoke
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Post by drakesmoke on Dec 28, 2023 12:38:54 GMT
Had a guinea fowl instead of turkey and it was a great decision. Enough for the both of us for lunch and dinner and no need to worry about leftovers. Made some marmite roasties and they were banging. Have never tried either. What’s the fowl comparable to?
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Post by Dougs on Dec 28, 2023 13:36:37 GMT
In the past I'd trot out the "January is depressing enough as it is" reason to delay any dieting until February, of course by that point you've put on few more pounds comfort eating through Jan and then you're even more depressed by Feb. So in recent years I've gone full tilt diet straight after NYD, not just "eating properly" but straight into a diet I know works for me, which is keto and / or intermittent fasting + calorie tracking. If I do that then I can get back to Oct/Nov weight and then some fairly quickly. So if anyone here also gets depressed about weight issues (I have my whole life), stop stressing about it right now and enjoy the next week or so without even thinking about it, but then do yourself a big favour and go 100% full diet on in the first week of Jan, no excuses. This is my theory. I've not been too indulgent bar the chocolates, as not felt much like booze due to the Christmas cold. Ebbing now though, so looking forward to the run in.
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