The Divorce Force

Not had to deal with it, but pretty much anyone I know who has, has had to lawyer up or get shafted. You are doing the right thing.

Women can be dicks too.

I seem to vaguely recall that 52 nights is the maximum amount of time shared with you to make you pay the maximum child maintenance payment.

If the child/children stay with you more than that then the amount of maintenance you pay is less. Something like that anyway.

Do you think that might be partly the reason for her screwing you over?

Honestly it comes across as you're being taken to the cleaners as well as your ex-wife controlling the narrative in regards to your kids. I wouldn't worry about your kids thinking you don't care about them as they will get older and find out things for themselves, they always do. Sorry to hear about all the troubles mate.

Oh and regarding the child maintenance matter it definitely is about how much you pay as before I left the civil service my department moved to that area and limiting the amount of shared days was definitely a tactic to accrue more maintenance. Absolutely disgusting that kids get used as pawns.

As has been said, get legal advice and act on it. It's not nice, but it's the only way.

I tried the nice route and my wife screwed me over. I lost my house (fully paid for) and my pension. Well over half a million and I had to start again from scratch. She also reneged on the child agreement and fed my kids with lies which in my case they believed and still do. I no longer have a relationship with them (they're in their 20's) and it sucks that they were so poisoned against me.

Getting divorced was a very hard time and my ex admitted years later that she'd been trying to push me over the edge so I killed myself and she got everything. It nearly worked.

So yeah, get advice. In my case at least, trying to work it out amicably didn't work.

The problem will be that the mortgage will either be in his or both names, and the bank doesn't care about them splitting up. They just wants to get paid.

Really sucks Goat, even on top of everything else. Hope you're doing OK?

I think I'd force to sell, pay off the mortgage and split any equity.

If this wasn't an option, I think I'd default, let the house fall into arrears and let it get repossessed. Risk being that you might still owe money if the sale of the repro'd property doesn't recoup the whole mortgage.

Pretty sure this would force a sale through.

This is all speculation though, I like to think I'd be able to rationalise this and play the hardline, but it's totally different and difficult when you're actually going through it.

Marriage laws are frightfully antiquated against Fathers. I'm sorry to hear people have been in this situation. I hope I manage to go a lifetime without finding out that my lady has the same cunt gene as other women.

When I got divorced (so I'm not sure if it's still the same), I was told that the courts would try to ensure the children had a similar standard of life after the divorce as they did before if at all possible.

So, if they live in a house and that's paid for, then they can expect to continue to live in it or something equivalent. So, I couldn't just sell up and split the proceeds for instance. I tried buying her a lesser house which I paid the mortgage on and that didn't work and I tried saying they could have the house until the kids were 18 and that didn't either.

Laws and views of courts may have changed as I say, but 20 years ago, that's how it was. I went to two different law firms (one the top in the area) and both said the same thing. It annoyed me as well that it was my wife committing adultery that led to the divorce and that made no difference to the outcome either.

The worst topic of all them...
Divorce is an absolute fucker for men especially if you have a family.
I got fucked over by an ex girlfriend who took me to the cleaners 20 years ago, its complicated but I was stupid enough to sell a property use the capital for a new property and put the new property on a joint mortgage. She never paid towards the mortgage or bills etc. but got half the equity of the property including the deposit. She also got the car I paid cash for and lots of other stuff. Thing is I always knew she had a side to her and when we split up she turned in an absolute super cunt. I wouldn't mind she cheated on me (not that I was bothered by that point). She was a fantastic shag though...

One of the things that attracted to my wife other than the obvious was how she had handled long term breaks up including property, she was fair and did everything in the right way. However we have two kids now so I'm not sure what would happen if we split.. I'd like to think she would still be fair.

My best mate however, oh lordy...
He was with his demon wife for 10 years, they have two kids, she started shagging somebody else (which devastated him), she chucked him out and moved the other guy in. He had to move back in with his parents. For three years he still had to pay half of the mortgage and couldn't afford to get a place of his own. His wife allowed him to have the kids only on Friday, Saturday and Sunday so she could go out and get wrecked all weekend, but also claim the child benefit etc.
Its all sorted now (7 years later) but those first three years were dark times for him.

Fucking. Hell. 

I thought I'd been through some shit, personally, not financially - there was nothing to screw me out of as she'd never worked a day throughout the entire relationship.

I've seen the other side though, my current partner literally was treated like a doormat for 20 years, walked out and started again from scratch, took absolutely nothing. Left him in a fully furnished house she still pays half the mortgage on as she wouldn't see the kids screwed around - even though her eldest no longer wants any contact at all with her Dad. I was pretty much in the same situation, so although we're in a nice place now, we've built up quite a bit of debt getting there.

Ex still thinks I should overpay maintenance (I've always paid three kids worth for my two with her), do Christmas and Birthdays for them both but send it to her, and do uniforms etc.... 

I just go along with it, because no matter what, nobody can tell me I didn't do my absolute best.

This thread is a bit biased, but my cousin is a female family lawyer and a strong feminist and even she says 9 times out of 10 the woman is the utter cunt in messy break ups.

I know for an absolute fact I would be worse.

With regards to the OP. She clearly hasn't randomly plucked 52 nights out of thin air and is trying to extract the most money while limiting your time with the kids.

To me that's pretty malicious. I understand the reluctance to engage lawyers, shit is ridiculously expensive.

However she has reneged on your initial agreement and I doubt anything you say is going to change her mind.

All the best hope it gets resolved with mini.um expense and aggravation.

What I've learned from reading many divorce posts over at the old place is that most people, no matter how shit the situation is at the break up, end up looking back at it as a good thing.

I've also learned that a mediator is a must, failing that a lawyer.