geefe
Full Member
Short for Zangief
Posts: 8,323
|
Post by geefe on Feb 5, 2024 11:01:39 GMT
Heavy one for a Monday morn. Soz guys. Couldn't see if we had a thread like this.
So it would appear that, in the wake of dad's death, mum has started drinking. Last few times I've spoken to her she's been slurring and my grandad has told me he thinks it's becoming a problem. The main reason for that is she's denying she's even drinking.
Given I'm about 2 1/2 hours away, I feel limited in what I can do. An old friend was an alcoholic and he'd been that way for years, just bouncing on and off the drink.
I'm hoping this is just temporary.
Any advice or thoughts?
|
|
|
|
Post by retro74 on Feb 5, 2024 11:09:55 GMT
Not a lot you can do other than get someone closer to keep an eye on her and update you. She’s got to admit the issue and want help
If you’re seen to criticise then she’ll most likely hide it even more
The best way to stop someone drinking is to distract them with a healthier obsession that replaces the need to drink
|
|
MolarAm🔵
Full Member
Bad at games
Posts: 6,839
|
Post by MolarAm🔵 on Feb 5, 2024 11:18:44 GMT
Maybe encourage her to see a counsellor? Not specifically about the drinking, but to talk about some of the issues that may be leading to it.
From personal experience, it is sometimes hard to really open up to a loved one, because you don't want to make them worry. But counselling is confidential in most cases.
|
|
geefe
Full Member
Short for Zangief
Posts: 8,323
|
Post by geefe on Feb 5, 2024 11:28:10 GMT
Yeah she has some counselling. I'm trying to get her to see one in person as hers is just on the phone, where a physical person can see her and make judgements.
Again - tried distraction and encouraging but to little success. Considering she's already talked about suicide, plus some of the stuff she said while hammered at Christmas, makes it ever so dicey.
I wouldn't be confronting her on it. Rather trying to model positive behaviours. Told her how I go to the gym, cook meals from scratch and have a routine.
|
|
MolarAm🔵
Full Member
Bad at games
Posts: 6,839
|
Post by MolarAm🔵 on Feb 5, 2024 11:33:01 GMT
Obviously I don't know her, or know anything about the context. But if she's seriously talked about suicide, then I'd be escalating pretty quickly to some kind of intervention. That's way more serious than a drinking problem.
|
|
Ulythium
Full Member
Lily-livered
Posts: 7,084
Member is Online
|
Post by Ulythium on Feb 5, 2024 11:42:12 GMT
I don't have any advice to offer, I'm afraid - just wanted to say that I'm sorry you and your mum are going through this, and I wish you both the best.
|
|
geefe
Full Member
Short for Zangief
Posts: 8,323
|
Post by geefe on Feb 5, 2024 11:42:45 GMT
To be fair, she did repeatedly say that she wouldn't want to disappoint dad. I tried not to read too much into the fact that I wasn't mentioned at any point.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chopsen on Feb 5, 2024 11:53:29 GMT
As above, it's very difficult to help people with addiction problems unless they accept there is a problem and are willing to seek help. Challenging them directly on it is just as likely to cause defensiveness and denial.
Turning Point (the UK charity, not the US right wing nutjobs) are good, and might have a branch nearby. MIND might be a good shout too. But again, without being willing to engage it's difficult to do much.
If it's focused around berevanment, CRUSE is a national charity that offers bereavement counselling.
|
|
MolarAm🔵
Full Member
Bad at games
Posts: 6,839
|
Post by MolarAm🔵 on Feb 5, 2024 12:12:53 GMT
Yeah, I can't offer advice about specific services unless you happen to live in Australia. But my heart goes out to you and yours, it's a terrible business.
|
|
dam
New Member
Posts: 626
|
Post by dam on Feb 5, 2024 12:46:40 GMT
Fairly sure my Dad was tanning it after my Mum went, but to be fair, so would I be.
He was getting used to life in a wheelchair, then had that happen. He seemed able to get up to bed at nights, which was the main thing.
We would take his recycling out, so would have a look through the glass, there was the odd bottle of really dodgy whisky, not his usual single malt.
|
|
|
|
Post by rawshark on Feb 5, 2024 15:10:17 GMT
|
|
mrpon
Junior Member
Posts: 3,728
Member is Online
|
Post by mrpon on Feb 5, 2024 15:18:59 GMT
I read that as Doug and Alcohol.
Sorry Dougs!
And sorry Geefe, hope you get sorted.
|
|
Bongo Heracles
Junior Member
Technically illegal to ride on public land
Posts: 4,621
Member is Online
|
Post by Bongo Heracles on Feb 5, 2024 16:35:56 GMT
Fairly sure my Dad was tanning it after my Mum went Mine did, too. The thing that got him out the other end was a Plenty Of Fish account |
|
geefe
Full Member
Short for Zangief
Posts: 8,323
|
Post by geefe on Feb 5, 2024 16:44:02 GMT
Thanks all. I'm hoping it's just temporary but I don't think it's affecting her work, just yet
|
|
|
|
Post by Dougs on Feb 5, 2024 16:49:49 GMT
Fairly sure my Dad was tanning it after my Mum went Mine did, too. The thing that got him out the other end was a Plenty Of Fish account Yeah, my mum did too after my dad (she was always a lush, just took it up a notch mond you). Took her 2-3 years to come out the other side. |
|
