Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 13:35:16 GMT
That’s a really rough hand to be dealt, I don’t know how I’d cope with it. I’m about the same age as you with 2 kids also so it really strikes a chord. I hope you get some sort of catharsis out of sharing, plenty of people here are willing to listen
Same. About your age spacein_vader, with an 11yo. I don't honestly know how I would cope but can only echo the thoughts above to share as often as you need to, vent and curse if you need to, whatever you need to do. You will get a supportive ear in this place as long as you need it.
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Frog
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Post by Frog on Sept 10, 2021 13:36:07 GMT
Jesus, that's horrible mate, I know you have only just met us but feel free to use this post to vent if you need to at any point.
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suicida
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Post by suicida on Sept 10, 2021 13:45:07 GMT
I'm so sorry @spacein_vader that's awful. I lost a good friend to pancreatic cancer a couple of years ago, fuck cancer
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Snake
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Post by Snake on Sept 10, 2021 13:45:59 GMT
Damn, that's terrible. You have my sympathies...Like the others said if you need to talk this thread could help with that.
Back on EG there were two threads which were off limits to the usual trolling/name calling, this one and the depression one, so no need to worry about the darker side of the forumites here...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 13:49:17 GMT
As I said in the other thread, hope we can help you in some way however small.
I've tears in my eyes writing this, as I've two daughters who are only a little older and I cannot imagine how your talk must have gone. Not that it helps, but I'm so, so sorry.
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Post by spacein_vader on Sept 10, 2021 13:51:07 GMT
I can't imagine what that feels like Vader. You seem to be coping very well and all I can do is wish you the best. I hope you manage to reach all your milestones. Fuck cancer! Oh I've had my dark moments, sleepless nights and teary conversations with my wife so coping is very much a fluid thing. I'm taking the view that I can't control how or when my life will end, but I can control what I choose to do with it in the meantime. I'm choosing to make as many memories as I can with my family. We're going to Centerparcs in October and while the kids are at school me and my wife are planning day trips to places like Cambridge. While I'm able I'll be doing all I can. Macmillan had some great advice on how to bring it up with kids. Obviously it won't be fun however it goes but it's brought us closer. The double edged sword is that they've both matured massively, but in turn its robbed them of some of their childhood.
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jono62
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Post by jono62 on Sept 10, 2021 13:56:23 GMT
Sorry to hear your news. This thread is a good place to chat and vent without any repercussions. There was forummer, FooAtari, who passed away from cancer who did a blog: hospitalmusings.wordpress.com/He ended up in Project Cars which was a nice touch.
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Post by drhcnip on Sept 10, 2021 15:11:27 GMT
In April I started to get a dodgy stomach after eating, wife teased me it was my age (I'm 37,) and it was time to invest in some Rennies. Couple of weeks later no improvement so GP gets me tested for Chrones/celiac and various other allergies. Nada. By mid June I've lost 2 stone without changing my eating habits, this sets of alarms with the GP who gets me booked in for an ultrasound. 3-5cm tumour on my pancreas, plus smaller nodes spread on my liver. Pancreatic cancer has a terrible survivial rate because you tend to get no symptoms till its stage 4. The fact it has spread removed surgery as an option. So in early July I had to sit my 9 & 12 year old daughters down with my wife and explain that I had less than 12 months to live. It was the hardest conversation of my life but kids are surprisingly resilient. We've spent the summer making memories, the pastoral teams at their schools have been great and the macmillan nursing team have been fantastic for me. I have chemo every other Wednesday that keeps me bedbound till the following Sunday which sucks though. Today I hit mf first major target: my eldests 13th birthday. My next aim is to reach mid October when I'll have another scan that will be compared to the July one. That should give a good idea on if the chemo is working and how long I have left. Assuming that goes well my next target is Christmas. Family and friends (with only 1 exception,), have been amazing throughout. Spend as much time as you can with your loved ones, you never know how long you've got left with them. shit, pal, sorry to hear this - lost my wife last year to kidney cancer that had been hidden for nearly 10 years since her early 30s and had similar talks with my daughter when she was 15 fwiw, my daughter is coping better than i am with the loss, nearly 12 months on here if you ever need a chat, or if your wife does with someone who's gone through it from the partner/carer pov...big love to you all x
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Post by Hanimalle on Sept 10, 2021 15:40:30 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear this spacein_vader, I lost my grandmother earlier this year from the same type of cancer but she survived a lot longer than the doctors had given her, I can only hope the same will be true for you.
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Post by 😎 on Sept 10, 2021 16:18:04 GMT
Ugh, I echo the above sentiments, very sorry to hear of it. Hopefully everyone can make as much peace as they can with the situation and you can enjoy the time you get.
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Post by grey_matters on Sept 10, 2021 16:38:58 GMT
Jesus spacedin, that's so hard.
This might sound a bit twee but I'm really glad you joined us here. I'm really going to focus on your advice asap.
Thanks for the sharing and the inspiration.
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Post by clemfandango on Sept 10, 2021 16:48:15 GMT
I hate stepping in to this thread as I dread reading what I’ve just read. I really hope you and your family are doing okay, life deals a shitty hand to so many people who don’t deserve it. It sounds like you have a great family and that is something to treasure and be proud of. I really hope you get some good news at the next stage.
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Post by freddiemercurystwin on Sept 10, 2021 19:05:08 GMT
Jeez, that was tough reading your post spacein, I cannot imagine how one might deal with that situation but it's good you have a pretty good support network surrounding you if that's any comfort, my mum went through a very similar series of events 3 years ago, just heartbreaking.
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スコットランド
Junior Member
Delicious gruel
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Post by スコットランド on Sept 10, 2021 19:22:16 GMT
In April I started to get a dodgy stomach after eating, wife teased me it was my age (I'm 37,) and it was time to invest in some Rennies. Couple of weeks later no improvement so GP gets me tested for Chrones/celiac and various other allergies. Nada. By mid June I've lost 2 stone without changing my eating habits, this sets of alarms with the GP who gets me booked in for an ultrasound. 3-5cm tumour on my pancreas, plus smaller nodes spread on my liver. Pancreatic cancer has a terrible survivial rate because you tend to get no symptoms till its stage 4. The fact it has spread removed surgery as an option. So in early July I had to sit my 9 & 12 year old daughters down with my wife and explain that I had less than 12 months to live. It was the hardest conversation of my life but kids are surprisingly resilient. We've spent the summer making memories, the pastoral teams at their schools have been great and the macmillan nursing team have been fantastic for me. I have chemo every other Wednesday that keeps me bedbound till the following Sunday which sucks though. Today I hit mf first major target: my eldests 13th birthday. My next aim is to reach mid October when I'll have another scan that will be compared to the July one. That should give a good idea on if the chemo is working and how long I have left. Assuming that goes well my next target is Christmas. Family and friends (with only 1 exception,), have been amazing throughout. Spend as much time as you can with your loved ones, you never know how long you've got left with them. Really sorry to read this, sounds as if you're coping amazingly well and I can only reiterate what others have said, hope everything goes as well as it possibly can. Are there any clinical trials or anything you could apply for?
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Post by Sarfrin on Sept 14, 2021 18:05:01 GMT
I'd missed this until it got quoted in the other thread. I hope your remaining time is the best it can be and I know you're building memories your children will look back on fondly as adults.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2021 9:35:14 GMT
Just been informed that a work mate and someone I consider a really good friend has lost his fight against cancer. I can't quite believe the news and have been in tears as I've tried to come to terms with it. They leave a young family and had seemed to be doing well at one point and I was looking forwards to them coming back. I've had to tell my teams.
Off the back of this I also learnt that another team member has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has days to live.
As you know, my dad's currently undergoing another round of chemo for his bladder cancer.
Cancer really does suck. Think I'm going to ring my dad and see how he's getting on. Work can do one.
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Gl3n
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Post by Gl3n on Sept 20, 2021 9:45:49 GMT
Look after yourselves, sometimes I think its hard to allow for the difficult feelings and to expect less of yourself as a result. Every day is a gift.
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Post by quadfather on Sept 20, 2021 9:49:30 GMT
Fucking hell SpaceIn_Vader, so sorry to hear that.
My sister, who had a mastectomy about a month ago has just had a positive cancer result come back so she's absolutely fucking gutted. We don't know the extent yet, as waiting for oncologist.
This is my sister that goes to see my mum a lot in the care home who is slowly dying from alzheimers. How come she can hang on at 92, and yet my sister is walking a fucking tightrope with fucking cancer.
It's all fucking shit.
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Post by Techno Hippy on Sept 20, 2021 9:56:13 GMT
I hate seeing this thread updated :-(
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dmukgr
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Post by dmukgr on Sept 20, 2021 10:04:47 GMT
Yup, this is certainly the worse thread that we have. I'm really sorry to hear about all the people who are suffering or have suffered. Fuck cancer.
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Post by drhcnip on Sept 20, 2021 10:19:08 GMT
Just been informed that a work mate and someone I consider a really good friend has lost his fight against cancer. I can't quite believe the news and have been in tears as I've tried to come to terms with it. They leave a young family and had seemed to be doing well at one point and I was looking forwards to them coming back. I've had to tell my teams. Off the back of this I also learnt that another team member has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has days to live. As you know, my dad's currently undergoing another round of chemo for his bladder cancer. Cancer really does suck. Think I'm going to ring my dad and see how he's getting on. Work can do one. fucking hell, mate - that's a shit ton at once...sorry to hear all that - look after yourself as well
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2021 10:22:29 GMT
I too hate seeing this thread appear. So sorry to hear about your friends, colleagues and dad Witchking, and Quaddy that's horrible to hear about your sister. Hopefully it's something found early and is treatable. Please keep us updated.
My dad is waiting to hear when he will begin radiotherapy for his prostate as cancerous cells have been found. Had a bone scan but thankfully that came back clear. They're talking about some new readiotherapy with less doses and side effects so he's going to find out in the next week or so what the score is with that. Luckily, the prognosis is very positive just now.
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Post by drhcnip on Sept 20, 2021 10:23:26 GMT
Fucking hell SpaceIn_Vader, so sorry to hear that. My sister, who had a mastectomy about a month ago has just had a positive cancer result come back so she's absolutely fucking gutted. We don't know the extent yet, as waiting for oncologist. This is my sister that goes to see my mum a lot in the care home who is slowly dying from alzheimers. How come she can hang on at 92, and yet my sister is walking a fucking tightrope with fucking cancer. It's all fucking shit. yup, i get that completely - while my wife was slowly dying from it i had a father end up in a nursing home at 84, including probable dementia and a colon cancer diagnosis which hasn't reared its head since; an aunt in care at 95 with stomach cancer which never does anything; and a motherinlaw who's slowly rotting away from the inside out at 83 - all of them would happily have traded places if they could...it's just not fair and doesn't fucking care who it chooses... much love to you, your sister & your family...i hope things turn out for the best xxx
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Post by quadfather on Sept 20, 2021 10:36:11 GMT
Thanks, and the same to you.
Yes, it just doesn't give a shit does it. Which reminds me that my godmother is on her way out too, after looking after her husband who has late stage dementia.
I feel for your experiences - I had a nice collection of shit over the last 4-5 years which included losing my wife, my house, my dad, my mum went into a home, job got put into administration, and achieved loads of debt and stress, which led to counselling so I could tenuously grab onto whatever shreds of sanity that I had left.
Still grieving all the above - it's just too much to take in. So the last 5 years have been the strangest fucking times in my entire life. I don't even value things anymore as I need to heal up mentally which appears to be taking forever.
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Post by drhcnip on Sept 20, 2021 11:08:03 GMT
we're in similar places from the sounds of it - it does become far too much for one brain to cope with...i have to accept now that it's going to take me years to sort myself out, so going to push for limited capacity early retirement from teaching, thankfully it;s a job with a halfdecent pension i can access, but there's no way i'll be able to repair myself while in a job like that, which is evidenced by the chaotic state i'm in now...likely to have to sell up or go bankrupt to sort the house and debts out etc (the former should cover it, fingers crossed) but i have to keep my eyes on the light at the end of this very long tunnel...
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JonFE
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Post by JonFE on Sept 20, 2021 11:30:01 GMT
So, so, so sorry to read the news quadfather, @wuntyate and quitsking I wish for a positive outcome, wherever one is possible! FCUTA
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2021 11:50:30 GMT
Just been informed that a work mate and someone I consider a really good friend has lost his fight against cancer. I can't quite believe the news and have been in tears as I've tried to come to terms with it. They leave a young family and had seemed to be doing well at one point and I was looking forwards to them coming back. I've had to tell my teams. Off the back of this I also learnt that another team member has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has days to live. As you know, my dad's currently undergoing another round of chemo for his bladder cancer. Cancer really does suck. Think I'm going to ring my dad and see how he's getting on. Work can do one. fucking hell, mate - that's a shit ton at once...sorry to hear all that - look after yourself as well Thanks. I just rang my dad and found out his treatment has now been pushed back to October as my mum was rushed to hospital the day he was supposed to get his first lot. She's out now, but had a blood pressure reading of (I think she said) over 220, so was touch and go for a stroke. I'm just a bit numb with everything today. Quaddy I hope your sister's cancer has been caught early and they can treat it.
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Post by grizzly on Sept 20, 2021 12:04:52 GMT
Hey SpacVad I do wish you and your family a lot of strength for the next year. I genuinely hope that you are one of those people that miraculously recovers but still... The way you're handling this, at least, is exemplary. Lost a lot of my family members to cancer over the years. My uncle died two years ago and the family has never really gotten over it. We knew it was coming for years, there was some experimental treatment that caught on for a while, but then the cancer came back... And we knew he was suffering. It was during the incredibly dry summer a couple years ago, when Belgium was going through a 40 degrees celsius heat wave that he fainted and after that it suddenly went very quickly. So quickly that lots of my family didn't have the chance to say goodbye, which has caused some resentment. A lot of "you should've seen it sooner". A lot of "he should've been with us" even though all those decisions that were made around that time were the correct ones. My uncle was under the care of my aunt who was both the closest and had medical training, and everyone else was atleast two hours away (he died whilst the rest of the family was still on the way to him). At the funeral, which I don't really remember much of (I was sobbing a whole lot), we were rather surprised to see a large group of people who we had never seen before show up. Turns out it was everyone from the municipality of Mechelen who could get a day off. My uncle had worked for this municipality as the chief IT staffer for over a decade, and later we got a lot of in-memoriam articles from the city council of Mechelen about him. They praised his way of thinking and his mannerisms, as well as building a solid IT system from the ground up, and in typical flemish "Ludieke actie", they had commerated him by putting all their coffee cups on his desk: My uncle was really good at getting more coffee but very bad at bringing the coffee cups back, so having his desk stacked with coffee cups was like he was back there with them. There's also a lot of other stuff I never really realized: He had spent a lot of time during charity work in Azerbaijan and Liberia, and there was a lot of stuff that I remembered about him when going through his old stuff: An unique sense of humour amongst them. He was, in short, pretty cool, and a bit of an old-school 80s era nerd (somehow suspect he would've meshed well with a lot of people on here). The greatest tragedy of grief is remembering that you've once been happy, and this man made a lot of people happy. I grief that he is no longer with us, and I celebrate that he touched our lives in a positive way. A year ago I suddenly got overwhelmed with grief again, and I realized that was in part becuase my own depression was faded and the impact of death suddenly rushed back. After that I spend some more time trying to deal with it. A friend of mine reminded that griefing over a coming death (or your coming death) is in itself perfectly natural: Yes, it will come for all of us eventually, but it's totally okay to be sad that you're about to lose something that you enjoyed. Also quite interesting for me was the Radiolab podcast "The Queen of Dying": www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/radiolab/articles/queen-dyingand its companion piece: www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/rachael-cusick-grief-radiolab-death-sex-moneywhich dives into the history of where the five stages of grief come from, who coined the phrase and how she ultimately dealt with her own death. Might help with death anxiety, it did for me.
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Post by grizzly on Sept 20, 2021 12:07:43 GMT
... And off-course I burst back into tears after writing all that.
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marcp
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Post by marcp on Sept 20, 2021 12:27:37 GMT
Best wishes to all in this thread. Partner's Dad goes back to hospital to see how treatment for his second round of esophageal has gone. We think it's a 'how long' thing this time. Was free for five years after the first treatment.
Seems to be doing great at the moment though, cautiously hopeful for some not completely-horrible news.
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